Too screwed up to be Loved?

[CharmingButch25]

Yes your right every person does deserve love. Sometimes its just not the right time for some I guess. Right now it's me time. As far as family thats an even harder one , people suggest therapy but I did that for so long and it never worked,but maybe ill try again

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

Yes your right every person does deserve love. Sometimes its just not the right time for some I guess. Right now it's me time. As far as family thats an even harder one , people suggest therapy but I did that for so long and it never worked,but maybe ill try again

I work in the mental health field and will be the first to say that not all therapists are good or have worked through their own issues.

Sometimes it is just not the right fit even if they are highly skilled. If you truly gave it your best and feel like you never got anywhere, it really is time to find another therapist.

I remember so well my first therapist (thank you Ginny wherever you are) really was awesome as I was trying to work through my parental issues. I was 21 and still asking why my parents didn't love me. She just very firmly, each time I asked this question, said: "Because they can't".

I must have asked 20 times until the lightbulb in my head went off, she broke through the last of my defenses and I understood that they just were not able to love me. They never got the tools from their own parents.

When therapy works, it can be life and soul-saving.

[nycfem]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

....
I remember so well my first therapist (thank you Ginny wherever you are) really was awesome as I was trying to work through my parental issues. I was 21 and still asking why my parents didn't love me. She just very firmly, each time I asked this question, said: "Because they can't".

I must have asked 20 times until the lightbulb in my head went off, she broke through the last of my defenses and I understood that they just were not able to love me. They never got the tools from their own parents.

Anya, your experience hit home for me and made me look up a poem I wrote years ago about a dream I had about my parents:

"Flight of Anger

I dreamed that my anger
propelled me into flight.
I was inside a store,
and my parents were waiting
outside in a car for me.
I felt so angry at my parents
that I rose up to the ceiling.
I cannot recall
why I was angry
but it was such a powerful force
that I flew around the store.
Then I looked at myself from afar
as the girl, a a teenage me,
got into the car with her parents.
I thought about how the girl's parents
did not really love her,
but because they were her parents
they had to allow her
to get in the car with them.
I felt a sense of utter fright and sadness
that the unloved girl
could have just as easily disappeared
and the parents could have driven off
without any sense of loss.
The girl was too young to know
that she was unloved,
that her parents didn't know her,
and that her family was just
an empty social construction."

[CharmingButch25]

Thank you both for sharing, it all means so much to me in figuring out everything

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

Yes your right every person does deserve love. Sometimes its just not the right time for some I guess. Right now it's me time. As far as family thats an even harder one , people suggest therapy but I did that for so long and it never worked,but maybe ill try again

I'm not sure what your family issues are exactly, but YOU going to therapy is going to help to some degree, but that isn't going to change THEM. They are probably not going to change either, so, you have to keep in mind that sometimes keeping a safe distance and limiting your exposure to the negativity is the ONLY way you will find a healthy medium.

If your family is making that much of an influence on you, then you really do need to sit back and find out why. They are not living your life, you are. Keeping a distance doesn't mean you don't love or care for them, but that you love and care for yourself more.

[~ocean]

YEAH NJ ~~ ((((( cb ))))) listen to NJ

[CharmingButch25]

It has always been a rough road with my faimly, since as far back as I can remember, but I just keep on staying , I am seriously thinking of just taking the baby and leaving to another town, Not like kidnapping her, I mean legally,but just getting away because I dont want her growing up like them at all.
And I guess now thinking about it,the baby loves me no matter how screwed up I am,So I guess i know at least someone cares

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

It has always been a rough road with my faimly, since as far back as I can remember, but I just keep on staying , I am seriously thinking of just taking the baby and leaving to another town, Not like kidnapping her, I mean legally,but just getting away because I dont want her growing up like them at all.
And I guess now thinking about it,the baby loves me no matter how screwed up I am,So I guess i know at least someone cares

I'm going to shoot from the hip here.

First step is to stop saying how screwed up you are. You are not, and will never be, the only one with issues. It's almost as if you convinced yourself you are this way and there is no turning back. We ALL have issues and crap to deal with in our lives - the trick is HOW you deal with it and what you allow to take over your life. There are a lot of people walking around out there not saying how screwed up they are, when in fact, they are certifiable. If you know you have issues, really work hard to get through them - and change the way you feel about yourself.

You really have to change your own outlook if not for yourself, but your child's sake. Getting the child away from a dysfunctional family is one thing, but if you are still carrying the dysfunction - what good is that going to be?

[CharmingButch25]

Your very right thank you