Prince Charming? Pfft!

Selenay · 03-09-2010, 08:22 PM

I've kissed a few princes, and I've kissed a few frogs. . . From that, I've learned a few things.

First? Sometimes the princes aren't so charming. Sometimes they're crude and crass, sometimes they're frustrating and stubborn. Sometimes those princes start off charming and are just plain mean.

Sometimes the princes don't know any more about what that round thingy in the toilet is than I do, sometimes they can make a mean souffle. Sometimes those princes are royal pain in the asses.

Sometimes they can fix your car, sometimes they drive it into the mailbox a few times.

Sometimes that prince turns out to be a toad, and sometimes that toad you've been pouring your heart out to is the shiniest prince of them all.

But me?

I don't want the princes, 'cause I've found that the knights in rusty armor are more my speed.

Allison W · 03-09-2010, 09:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Selenay

I don't want the princes, 'cause I've found that the knights in rusty armor are more my speed.

I had to un-lurk just to say that is a kinda hot mental image, but now, I have to ask what it means!

As far as my views on rescuers... There are, admittedly, a lot of times I wouldn't mind a rescuer, myself. (And I'm a bit of a fuck-up, so who knows--I might even end up keeping them interested.)

Selenay · 03-09-2010, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allison W

I had to un-lurk just to say that is a kinda hot mental image, but now, I have to ask what it means!

It means that people with experience, the ones who have been through the battle and come out on the other side, with dented, rusty armor that I like. I don't like princes who sit up in their towers looking down, I like the people out there fighting the dragons, defending the whole kingdom.

Yes, they might come home a little singed, but if you don't swing your sword, you're never going to get the princess to kiss your boo-boos.

fuzzypinkego · 03-09-2010, 10:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Selenay

It means that people with experience, the ones who have been through the battle and come out on the other side, with dented, rusty armor that I like. I don't like princes who sit up in their towers looking down, I like the people out there fighting the dragons, defending the whole kingdom.

Yes, they might come home a little singed, but if you don't swing your sword, you're never going to get the princess to kiss your boo-boos.

I love it!!

Allison W · 03-09-2010, 10:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Selenay

It means that people with experience, the ones who have been through the battle and come out on the other side, with dented, rusty armor that I like. I don't like princes who sit up in their towers looking down, I like the people out there fighting the dragons, defending the whole kingdom.

Yes, they might come home a little singed, but if you don't swing your sword, you're never going to get the princess to kiss your boo-boos.

Ooh la la. Protectors excite me.

Bit · 03-09-2010, 11:17 PM

Fuzzy, why do you have to have the prince before you have the baby? If it seems like life is getting on without you--that's how that part of your post read to me--then maybe it would be worthwhile to explore whether you are okay being a single mom, and if you are, just going for it; because yanno, there is no guarantee that even your perfect partner will actually be able to stay in a relationship with you for the child's whole life. People come apart all the time, even those who believe they are soul-mates and those who believe they are perfect for each other.

I personally believe that making the decision to become a parent should be something a mother does by herself, for herself if she isn't already in a relationship... what I mean by that is that I believe a woman should only decide to get pregnant if she believes she is willing and capable of raising a child to adulthood by herself, of accepting sole responsibility for that child's life and financial support, and of acknowledging that anyone else who acts as a parent can never hold the ultimate responsibility--because when you come right down to it, she is the only one who can decide to get pregnant, yanno?

So what I believe is that it's your body and your life, and if a child belongs in it, if you are committed to being a mother, then why wait for a partner?

About finding someone who is compatible, it helps a lot to understand personality types. Once you learn to understand the different ways people process information and make decisions, you can also understand what goes wrong in so many relationships... it really IS communication more often than not.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

fuzzypinkego · 03-10-2010, 01:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bit

Fuzzy, why do you have to have the prince before you have the baby? If it seems like life is getting on without you--that's how that part of your post read to me--then maybe it would be worthwhile to explore whether you are okay being a single mom, and if you are, just going for it; because yanno, there is no guarantee that even your perfect partner will actually be able to stay in a relationship with you for the child's whole life. People come apart all the time, even those who believe they are soul-mates and those who believe they are perfect for each other.

I personally believe that making the decision to become a parent should be something a mother does by herself, for herself if she isn't already in a relationship... what I mean by that is that I believe a woman should only decide to get pregnant if she believes she is willing and capable of raising a child to adulthood by herself, of accepting sole responsibility for that child's life and financial support, and of acknowledging that anyone else who acts as a parent can never hold the ultimate responsibility--because when you come right down to it, she is the only one who can decide to get pregnant, yanno?

So what I believe is that it's your body and your life, and if a child belongs in it, if you are committed to being a mother, then why wait for a partner?

About finding someone who is compatible, it helps a lot to understand personality types. Once you learn to understand the different ways people process information and make decisions, you can also understand what goes wrong in so many relationships... it really IS communication more often than not.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

I guess I'm a bit old fashioned but I really want to be married before I have a child. I want to be the semi-stay-at-home-mom. My mom raised me at home and I want to do the same for my children.

As far as the personalities go, I;m an ENFP, The Idealist Champion, rare and only found in 2-3% of the population.

Allison W · 03-10-2010, 03:06 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bit

About finding someone who is compatible, it helps a lot to understand personality types. Once you learn to understand the different ways people process information and make decisions, you can also understand what goes wrong in so many relationships... it really IS communication more often than not.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

Hrm. According to the dating-and-mating guides, I have a problem. I'm attracted to physical power/protectiveness and courage (characteristic of Artisans), decisive judgment (apparently Artisans are not Js), a lack of strong displays of emotion (characteristic of Rationals), reliable authoritarianism in the relationship (potentially characteristic of Guardians and conspicuously not of Artisans or Rationals), and an appreciation of defined, divided roles (Guardians again).

Perhaps I need a Guardian (masculine manifestation) with an Artisan (masculine manifestation) multiclass.

Gemme · 03-10-2010, 04:18 AM

Life is like my job. At my job, I have set procedures and tasks that must be completed at varying intervals. However, there are tons of widgets (aka customers) that get tossed into the mix. They can help me complete my tasks and procedures or they can be demanding, whiny babies and take more from me than I would really rather give.

You can have that outline that was mentioned earlier. That's your tasks...your day to day procedures and the things you need to do to live YOUR life and keep it going in a forward motion. The people that come into your life (whether they are potential partners are not) are going to affect how you carry yourself through life and what you do. You'll grow, change your mind about a thousand times, and eventually settle into yourself.

I think it's good to have a mental list of the traits you like in a partner. I think it's also healthy to have a mental list of the traits you do NOT like in a partner as well as what things are absolute deal breakers. That will help guide you but the rest is only partially up to you, whether you believe in a higher power or the power of destiny and the Fates. You get to choose the path you walk, but the path will end where it will end, no matter of how you got there.

A lot of folks have said pretty much all that I really wanted to say to you. More than anything, I guess I'd say BREATHE. It feels to me as if you want to rush, rush, rush and get things done, as if you have a checkoff list for your life. That's a stroke or heart attack waiting to happen.

Bit · 03-10-2010, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fuzzypinkego

I guess I'm a bit old fashioned but I really want to be married before I have a child. I want to be the semi-stay-at-home-mom. My mom raised me at home and I want to do the same for my children.

As far as the personalities go, I;m an ENFP, The Idealist Champion, rare and only found in 2-3% of the population.

I would say that if you find another ENFP--or an INFP--who also wants children and wants to be the breadwinner, then go for it.... but I will also say that if you get romantically interested in anyone right now, it will pay you to do the personality survey with them. If you are like most NFP people, you may be strongly drawn to NTJ people... and there lies heartbreak beyond measure unless you can both come to communicate easily. It is true that opposites attract. It is NOT true that opposites speak the same language.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allison W

Hrm. According to the dating-and-mating guides, I have a problem. I'm attracted to physical power/protectiveness and courage (characteristic of Artisans), decisive judgment (apparently Artisans are not Js), a lack of strong displays of emotion (characteristic of Rationals), reliable authoritarianism in the relationship (potentially characteristic of Guardians and conspicuously not of Artisans or Rationals), and an appreciation of defined, divided roles (Guardians again).

Perhaps I need a Guardian (masculine manifestation) with an Artisan (masculine manifestation) multiclass.

I confess, Allison, I don't pay attention to the names of the personality types. I can't remember them easily. *sheepish smile* For me, I have a simple rule--if you are an FP person, look for another FP person; if you are a TJ person, look for another TJ person. The differences between E/I and S/N are not as great as the differences betwen FP and TJ.

In a nutshell, TJs tend to be linear, logical, dayplanner, on-time-is-late type people and FPs tend to be flexible, spontaneous, change-my-mind-in-midstream, deadlines-were-made-to-broken type people. The two have to really work hard at understanding each other--and at not driving each other up the wall.

Btw, from what you described about your preferences, I would think you are looking for someone whose personality type is INTJ.

NJFemmie · 03-10-2010, 11:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Allison W

Hrm. According to the dating-and-mating guides, I have a problem. I'm attracted to physical power/protectiveness and courage (characteristic of Artisans), decisive judgment (apparently Artisans are not Js), a lack of strong displays of emotion (characteristic of Rationals), reliable authoritarianism in the relationship (potentially characteristic of Guardians and conspicuously not of Artisans or Rationals), and an appreciation of defined, divided roles (Guardians again).

Perhaps I need a Guardian (masculine manifestation) with an Artisan (masculine manifestation) multiclass.

How about simply going on a date and seeing if things "click".

Just a suggestion ....

always2late · 03-10-2010, 08:16 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Bit

Fuzzy, why do you have to have the prince before you have the baby? If it seems like life is getting on without you--that's how that part of your post read to me--then maybe it would be worthwhile to explore whether you are okay being a single mom, and if you are, just going for it; because yanno, there is no guarantee that even your perfect partner will actually be able to stay in a relationship with you for the child's whole life. People come apart all the time, even those who believe they are soul-mates and those who believe they are perfect for each other.

I personally believe that making the decision to become a parent should be something a mother does by herself, for herself if she isn't already in a relationship... what I mean by that is that I believe a woman should only decide to get pregnant if she believes she is willing and capable of raising a child to adulthood by herself, of accepting sole responsibility for that child's life and financial support, and of acknowledging that anyone else who acts as a parent can never hold the ultimate responsibility--because when you come right down to it, she is the only one who can decide to get pregnant, yanno?

So what I believe is that it's your body and your life, and if a child belongs in it, if you are committed to being a mother, then why wait for a partner?

About finding someone who is compatible, it helps a lot to understand personality types. Once you learn to understand the different ways people process information and make decisions, you can also understand what goes wrong in so many relationships... it really IS communication more often than not.

http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

While I agree that a child can be had by a single parent, and that the only real decision about bearing a child comes from the woman actually bearing it....once the bearing is done, it is so much easier to RAISE a child with a partner! I am a single mom, I work full time and go to school. I am thankful that my son's father will watch him for me so I can do those other things, but when I come home, and its just me alone....well...it gets hard sometimes (more so when my son was an infant). I'm not saying it can't be done...or that its not worth every second...its just easier when there are two parents.

PinkieLee · 03-10-2010, 09:37 AM

Hey there Fuzzy...

Well, it looks like you have already gotten some really great advice and words of wisdom from your community here.

Like you, in my mind, I lived the picture perfect vision of a relationship... for 7 years. Was it a fairytale romance... many would say yes. We were often referred to as a "pedestal couple". But guess what, life throws you curveballs when you least expect it. In any relationship, you either grow together or you grow apart. If I were to sit and dwell on the end of my marriage (as many people expected me to do), I would have never truly found myself. As humans, we have a tendancy to romanticize the past. So, if we stay stuck in the mindset from a past relationship, we will never be able to move on.

I also believe that you don't have just one soul mate... you have different soul mates for different times in your life. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.

I understand you having a "blueprint" in your mind about the character traits of any potential partner you might have. That's never a bad idea... but you must keep updating that "blueprint". As humans, we are all hopefully growing & evolving, so some things that you want at 25 might not seem as important at 37.

As for having children... that is a big decision to make and should never be taken lightly. Just remember, just because you have children with someone, doesn't mean that the relationship is gonna last forever. Just like marriage isn't the end all to be all... yeah, I've been there, done that and sold the ring.

Best of luck to you.

03-09-2010, 08:22 PM	#1
Selenay Member How Do You Identify?: A soul for a compass and a heart for a pair of wings. Preferred Pronoun?: All I ask of living is to have no chains on me. Relationship Status: All I own are the strides I spend to the finish line. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Somewhere in between here and gone. Posts: 662 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 110 Thanked 1,447 Times in 369 Posts Rep Power: 6344715	When you break it down, it's all about love and negotiation. I've kissed a few princes, and I've kissed a few frogs. . . From that, I've learned a few things. First? Sometimes the princes aren't so charming. Sometimes they're crude and crass, sometimes they're frustrating and stubborn. Sometimes those princes start off charming and are just plain mean. Sometimes the princes don't know any more about what that round thingy in the toilet is than I do, sometimes they can make a mean souffle. Sometimes those princes are royal pain in the asses. Sometimes they can fix your car, sometimes they drive it into the mailbox a few times. Sometimes that prince turns out to be a toad, and sometimes that toad you've been pouring your heart out to is the shiniest prince of them all. But me? I don't want the princes, 'cause I've found that the knights in rusty armor are more my speed. __________________ Two or three things I know for sure, And one is that I would rather go naked Than wear the coat the world has made for me. Last edited by Selenay; 03-09-2010 at 08:25 PM.

03-10-2010, 04:18 AM	#9
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	Just another two cents in the mix... Life is like my job. At my job, I have set procedures and tasks that must be completed at varying intervals. However, there are tons of widgets (aka customers) that get tossed into the mix. They can help me complete my tasks and procedures or they can be demanding, whiny babies and take more from me than I would really rather give. You can have that outline that was mentioned earlier. That's your tasks...your day to day procedures and the things you need to do to live YOUR life and keep it going in a forward motion. The people that come into your life (whether they are potential partners are not) are going to affect how you carry yourself through life and what you do. You'll grow, change your mind about a thousand times, and eventually settle into yourself. I think it's good to have a mental list of the traits you like in a partner. I think it's also healthy to have a mental list of the traits you do NOT like in a partner as well as what things are absolute deal breakers. That will help guide you but the rest is only partially up to you, whether you believe in a higher power or the power of destiny and the Fates. You get to choose the path you walk, but the path will end where it will end, no matter of how you got there. A lot of folks have said pretty much all that I really wanted to say to you. More than anything, I guess I'd say BREATHE. It feels to me as if you want to rush, rush, rush and get things done, as if you have a checkoff list for your life. That's a stroke or heart attack waiting to happen. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

03-09-2010, 11:17 PM	#6
Bit Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme Relationship Status: married to Gryph Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Wichita, KS Posts: 2,177 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,126 Thanked 3,770 Times in 1,264 Posts Rep Power: 10778870	Fuzzy, why do you have to have the prince before you have the baby? If it seems like life is getting on without you--that's how that part of your post read to me--then maybe it would be worthwhile to explore whether you are okay being a single mom, and if you are, just going for it; because yanno, there is no guarantee that even your perfect partner will actually be able to stay in a relationship with you for the child's whole life. People come apart all the time, even those who believe they are soul-mates and those who believe they are perfect for each other. I personally believe that making the decision to become a parent should be something a mother does by herself, *for* herself if she isn't already in a relationship... what I mean by that is that I believe a woman should only decide to get pregnant if she believes she is willing and capable of raising a child to adulthood by herself, of accepting sole responsibility for that child's life and financial support, and of acknowledging that anyone else who acts as a parent can never hold the ultimate responsibility--because when you come right down to it, *she* is the only one who can decide to get pregnant, yanno? So what I believe is that it's your body and your life, and if a child belongs in it, if you are committed to being a mother, then why wait for a partner? About finding someone who is compatible, it helps a lot to understand personality types. Once you learn to understand the different ways people process information and make decisions, you can also understand what goes wrong in so many relationships... it really IS communication more often than not. http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

03-10-2010, 09:37 AM	#13
PinkieLee Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: I need ya boo, gotta see ya boo Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Big Money Texas Posts: 4,708 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,309 Thanked 13,075 Times in 3,049 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Hey there Fuzzy... Well, it looks like you have already gotten some really great advice and words of wisdom from your community here. Like you, in my mind, I lived the picture perfect vision of a relationship... for 7 years. Was it a fairytale romance... many would say yes. We were often referred to as a "pedestal couple". But guess what, life throws you curveballs when you least expect it. In any relationship, you either grow together or you grow apart. If I were to sit and dwell on the end of my marriage (as many people expected me to do), I would have never truly found myself. As humans, we have a tendancy to romanticize the past. So, if we stay stuck in the mindset from a past relationship, we will never be able to move on. I also believe that you don't have just one soul mate... you have different soul mates for different times in your life. People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I understand you having a "blueprint" in your mind about the character traits of any potential partner you might have. That's never a bad idea... but you must keep updating that "blueprint". As humans, we are all hopefully growing & evolving, so some things that you want at 25 might not seem as important at 37. As for having children... that is a big decision to make and should never be taken lightly. Just remember, just because you have children with someone, doesn't mean that the relationship is gonna last forever. Just like marriage isn't the end all to be all... yeah, I've been there, done that and sold the ring. Best of luck to you.