The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

[LadyRieinAL]

I've had four relationships - one was with my daughter's dad - met him when I was 15 and he was 21, we married when I turned 18 and we were together six years, my second partner was with a handsome butch and we were together for 22 years, third was a person who identified as trans and perferred female pronouns - would not transition because of the fear of being gay five years -they passed away and
my last partner had just started his physical transition when we first met.
I said to him, I'm not sure I can do this, but I care enough about you to try, and we were together almost 9 years.
Now, I'm single - and have been for a while - and I'm wanting to date
So, how DO you date? I mean JUST date? How do you date more than one person?
I've meet some amazing people on Butch femme Planet -I imagine going and meeting them, enjoying their company, finding out all about them -
and I know right now, for the first time in my life, I'm not ready for a steady relationship.
What does "just dating" looks like - I'd really like to know - at what point does it go from just hanging out to dating? And can you date more than one person at a time - and do butches or femmes have a harder time with this concept? or does it just depend on the person -

[WolfyOne]

I haven't posted in here in quite some time, but like others, a few posts caught my eye.

I once thought in my younger years that I could rewire myself to date more than one woman, so I tried and dated two. I failed miserably at it and wouldn't want to try again. I think those that can do it, good for them. I'm at an age where I would just like to settle down and live happily ever after.

After letting myself heal and cleaning out cobwebs these last few years, I almost deem myself relationship ready. The only thing holding me back at this point is finances and my rescues. Someone would have to be able to accept the fact that if I never find forever homes for some of these rescues, they'll stay with me. Also, it bothers me that since I left Chicago over 6 years ago, I can't seem to find FT work and struggle. I never want someone else to pay my way. Work defines a big part of who I am. Being a Sag, I spent my life restless, but as I get older, I realize I just want to make one last move and settle in there. Anyhow, I often wonder if once you've found that BIG love in your life and screwed it up, will I be able to love like that again. Keep in mind, for me, there is a difference between being in love and loving someone enough to live comfy with them. I do know I am taking my time getting to know whomever enters my life this next time around and have no idea if I'd even want to live in the same house as another or better off living alone and each having our own space when needed. So much to think about, but I suppose I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

Anyone else have thoughts on dating and/or relationships as we get older and more comfy living alone, but miss the company of a partner?

[laruss]

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Anyone else have thoughts on dating and/or relationships as we get older and more comfy living alone, but miss the company of a partner?

I spent many years doing what was best for my kids, my family, staying in relationships I shouldn't have and putting others needs before my own. And then I met someone who made me look at things differently. I wasn't completely true to myself, but was learning how to be. They taught me how to be, both with their life and their death.

I was widowed 2 years ago and spent the first year grieving and the next year really being happy about being single. I only started dating again this Summer. I am perfectly happy being single as long as I am not celibate and I don't need a relationship to take care of that so I was very happy in my single life.

However, recently that changed and I am beginning to think that being with another person who has the same life goals, who has the same desires who is connected to me in ways I didn't think were possible is something that I desire. Something that I believe is possible.

So, yes as I get older I am very comfortable alone, but I look forward to a life with the partner that I deserve.

[morningstar55]

Evening loft dwellers n peekers
Am all tucked in my sleepr bunk I need a bedtime story ....

[Sweet_Amor_Taino]

I have been single for the past 4 years . I met a few ladies whom I share time with but nothing develop, I am alone but not lonely.

I often image how sweet it would be to enjoy my life with a partner. I recently reconnected with a lady whom I have a strong affection for and as we all dream, I dream it is what we both hope for.

As I get older I appreciate the simple things life more but it would be even nicer to share it with a special lady.

[iamkeri1]

That sounds wonderful Taino,
My best wishes for you and your lady, and your wished-for future together.
Smooches,
Keri

[morningstar55]

Yay .... leaving TN....headng to ... east liberty, ohiya.....

[morningstar55]

Arrived a shipper .... waiting to get truck loaded.
grabbed a small Hawaiin blizzard....
Looks like am gonna b driving late, ....sigh... am not a night owl... hopefully will find someone to chat with via cell . .. help me stay awake.

Ty electrocell...
Ty for the repps everyone...

[morningstar55]

has anyone seen this in the news???
http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=5548

[morningstar55]

been going over the postings on the age and relationships topic...
im 57....
eveyone in my family have been on a long term relationship ... except me.. why?? what is my problem???
last time I gave my heart away and trust 200% .. i was soo soo content.happy , focusing on a home. a life with my other half ... well that got blown out of the water... some people just sometimes think the grass might be greener on the other side of the fence with no thoughts on how it may affect there partner i guess. *sigh* ....... that was the last time i gave my self to someone soo deeply. Im scared to go thru that again....
I tried having a couple more relationships after that but it has not been the same and it never will ....
im trying to get use to the idea of just dating now and then ... and dont get to serious with anyone anymore. at out age we are all set in our own ways ... although if i could just see someone steady ... would be nice.
I am a 1 person kinda girl... i am loyal , honest. down to earth , love life . can be a jokester.....
i was told by an X ... reason why i am alone is cause i only think of myself... hmmmm i dont get that.
all the friggin sacrafices i have made and still make... renting my bedroom out at home.. to a friend of my daughters cuz he was kickd out of his home ... when he came out to his family he was gay. driving the truck im hardly ever there anyways
whn i go home i sleep in the living room for now.. or my truck.
helping a lady out few yrs bk... that was homeless... living out of her car.
giving paintings away to friends and such... painting special post cards and sending them off... cuz i like giving out smiles.

id like to move... for 5 yrs now ... been planing on NC near Danville VA .. there i can get bk to messing with the horses and have thoughts of having a artist workshop biz as my retirement income...
i have a cousin whom is a professor in albany NY and helps write grant letters all the time...... soo this is going to take a lil time i guess...
mean while....... i will keep on trucking and doing my art when i can.
thats my story and im ahh sticking to it. hehe

[Sun]

Hola everyone

Taking a short break at work thought I would stop by and say hi.

Need some coffee. Weird weather here today. Downpour
and now bright sunshine. Life on an Island. Go figure.

[Countyfem]

Hello everyone, finally got my laptop re-imaged and now getting back into the swing of things! Is a beautiful day here in NC, feels like fall! Where in the world has this year gone to, my grandmother always said time flys by quicker the older one gets and she was so right.

Hope everyone has a wonderful day!!

[cinderella]

How sweet it was...and will be.

Originally Posted by Sweet_Amor_Taino

I have been single for the past 4 years . I met a few ladies whom I share time with but nothing develop, I am alone but not lonely.

I often image how sweet it would be to enjoy my life with a partner. I recently reconnected with a lady whom I have a strong affection for and as we all dream, I dream it is what we both hope for.

As I get older I appreciate the simple things life more but it would be even nicer to share it with a special lady.

[Glenn]

Mornin Folks and All; How are you? I hope you are all well. There's a senior couple living on an old farm up the road a piece. I see them outside once a year or so, on my way to the store. I always slow down to see how they are doing. Yesterday I saw them, standing close together, holdin on to each other for dear life. Sort of pulled my little pecker string. That's all, and take care Folks.

[Tommi]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Evening loft dwellers n peekers
Am all tucked in my sleepr bunk I need a bedtime story ....

Once upon a time there was this great big truck, driven by a star of the morning, that traveled allllll over the place. It parked long enough to catch some WiFi time and some shut eye. And when she awoke one day, her painting of a t-shirt was on display on BFPlanet in the Raffle Thread. She checked out the post, and said ,,,yep Tommi, that's right.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by Tommi

Once upon a time there was this great big truck, driven by a star of the morning, that traveled allllll over the place. It parked long enough to catch some WiFi time and some shut eye. And when she awoke one day, her painting of a t-shirt was on display on BFPlanet in the Raffle Thread. She checked out the post, and said ,,,yep Tommi, that's right.

Aww , lol Ty Tommy , umm I m just waking up..
Morning loft dwellers and peekers
I want to respond to the other postings but have to wait till I can get on a computer... right now have to use my phone .sk

[*Anya*]

Good morning everyone. Some interesting posts in here. I like exploring issues and feelings in more depth.

Wolfy you asked if once you have that big love, does that mean you will never have one like it again? I am paraphrasing your question but that is the essence of it I believe, yes?

I think those of us that have reached "a certain age" have all had one big love. It might have been a healthy, positive good love or an unhealthy one. I believe that when you fall in love in your 20's, as I did with my 19-year relationship; one is still positive, optimistic and unscarred much by life or that love.

For me, I became less positive, less hopeful as the years went by and a bit of that open, trusting heart left and I became more self-protective. When I ended it, I took self-protection to the extreme and did not risk at all (ie, no dating at all for the next 10 years).

When I decided life was too short, came out of my shell and began to date again, it was difficult. I went on a few dates that had no chemistry but met some interesting people and learned that maybe it was not too
late for me.

I did fall madly in love, had a nearly 8-month relationship, which ended a month ago (not my choice) and I have spent some time grieving and healing. I know that I will not stay single again. Time is moving on for me and I do want to meet someone that will be there with me, through thick and thin, hard times as well as good; to spend the rest of my life with.

I love having a partner with a good brain, someone well-read and interesting and I love having frequent sex. I did not realize how much I liked it until I had it again! (Not to say I can't and don't take care of myself very well!)

The butch I mentioned earlier that is 15 years younger than I, sounds like fun for a casual, low-key date. She really wants to meet me so I just might do it. Why not? The age thing is a sticking point with me but I really never have butch dykes close to my age want to date me, it is usually younger ones. I can't figure that one out!

Wolfy, go for it. You never know which one will click for you and you might find a woman that is also a rescuer!

Hang in there everyone! Never give up, I still believe that there is someone for everyone but you have to take the bull by the horn and make a move. They don't knock on your door unless you hsve arranged a date ahead of time!

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by LadyRieinAL

<Snipped>
What does "just dating" looks like - I'd really like to know - at what point does it go from just hanging out to dating? And can you date more than one person at a time - and do butches or femmes have a harder time with this concept? or does it just depend on the person -

This is a tough one. For me, I like going out, hang out with different folks.

I have found myself going for coffee and just socializing, only to discover that it was perceived as a date. Hence, I think there was a book written or maybe I read it some where that was something like " Is just coffee or is it a date?"

Over the years I have learned how I handle these situations. I will state just for coffee or dinner. I will do this kind of hanging out not exclusively with one Femme. It is a toss up as to whether or not it I go dutch on the bill. It is definitely not a date if we go dutch, in my book.

When it comes to dating....and it has been awhile since I have dated, I date monogamously. I will ask about dating exclusively because for me, it is I have found something in that Femme that is attractive to me and I want to tempt the fates as to whether or not this would be the beginning of a romantic match... at which point it would turn into courting.

To me, hanging out is just that, socializing one on one. Dating, to me, is the prelude to finding the happily ever after, the white picket fence, and I can only do that monogamously.

There are those that can date multiple people.... I am one that cannot. You have to decide which fits you best and be open in your communication as to what you want and what is acceptable for you.

As I have gotten older, my needs have changed. At one time I was very open to long distance relationships. That option is no longer one that I can do. So, no matter whom I may be crushing on, unless they are willing to move here, I will not entertain the possibilities of dating. I have circumstances in my life that I cannot move. So, once I do decide to enter in the dating scene, it will be local....which there seems to be very few Femmes in this large metro area!

[LipstickLola]

I suppose I'll jump in here, lol. Id like to know what dating looks like, or, more accurately what A DATE looks like

In my most recent (ended) relationship I was introduced by a mutual friend and it progressed quickly from dating to a monogamous r/s. After that, it just felt like hanging out all the time.

Sigh.....I'd like to be courted for a while and actually go on dates, real dates. The kind where you dress nicely, care about how you smell and maybe your palms get a lil sweaty, yanno?

[ruthie14]

Happy Friday! TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!