Denying Children cause Parents are Lesbians

Diva · 03-10-2010, 11:55 AM

This is a subject which, even now, makes my skin crawl.

I lived it.

I divorced in 1989 and lost custody of my girls because I am a lesbian. I was ordered to pay child support to a millionaire (at the time of the divorce, I was a singing waiter in a mediocre Italian restaurant). Because of my own guilt in the situation, I didn't fight back. I actually TRUSTED my ex-husband to be 'fair'. It was a bitter pill I have had to swallow, lo these many years later.

My girls wanted to live with me and so 6 years later, we finally had the opportunity to go to trial ~ it was a week-long, jury trial in deep west Texas ~ was drug through the mud (both my partner and I), witnessed my oldest child testifying against her father and STILL lost.

A year later, that child was killed in a car accident; and several months after that, my youngest child decided she didn't want to see me again because I was a lesbian. She was absent from my life for 7 years. I continued to write to her, send her presents for every major holiday (as I always had)and never gave up on the dream that she would come back to me.

But her father's true colors came through and she got tired of his attitude toward me, which then turned to her. She was a constant reminder of me.

Things are wonderful now between the two of us (my daughter and me). We speak several times a week and she is about to move HOME, here to Austin, and will live with me for a while. She is now almost 23. We lost a lot of time....but we are doing our best to make up for that now, and I am so grateful.

Just writing this short amount has my stomach in knots!!! I have often thought of writing the story.....it has been so awful that I'm not sure anyone would believe it!

If I can teach one lesson from it, however, I would say if You find Yourself in a marriage and You realize You are a lesbian, GET A LAWYER. BE SMARTER THAN I WAS. HAVE MORE COURAGE THAN I DID. Get Your ducks in a row and then get out.

Soft*Silver · 03-10-2010, 12:04 PM

Diva..my stumach twisted in knots as I read your story. The young ones dont really know what it was like being a lesbian in the decades before computers. We were isolated from one another and had no support system. The mainstream culture made us invisible except to crucify us. We lost our children based on the hatred toward anything that wasnt white, heterosexual and part of the patriarchy.

I am so glad that your daughter is coming home. How incredibly wonderful for both of you!

And what a sorrow to have lost a child, so young, so unexpected. And shame on the man and the courts who kept you from her...

I believe in heroes, Diva. Quiet ones. Ones no one can see their capes or mask. They are the ones who fought to make changes, albeit involuntarily. Often by coercian and force. But they are nontheless, heroes. And you, my dear, made my list of heroes today...

from one lesbian mother to another...Softness

03-10-2010, 12:04 PM	#2
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,594 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,896 Times in 4,064 Posts Rep Power*: 21474858	Diva..my stumach twisted in knots as I read your story. The young ones dont really know what it was like being a lesbian in the decades before computers. We were isolated from one another and had no support system. The mainstream culture made us invisible except to crucify us. We lost our children based on the hatred toward anything that wasnt white, heterosexual and part of the patriarchy. I am so glad that your daughter is coming home. How incredibly wonderful for both of you! And what a sorrow to have lost a child, so young, so unexpected. And shame on the man and the courts who kept you from her... I believe in heroes, Diva. Quiet ones. Ones no one can see their capes or mask. They are the ones who fought to make changes, albeit involuntarily. Often by coercian and force. But they are nontheless, heroes. And you, my dear, made my list of heroes today... from one lesbian mother to another...Softness __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

03-10-2010, 11:55 AM	#1
Diva Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Diva Preferred Pronoun?: Diva Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chez Diva Posts: 11,879 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,263 Thanked 17,175 Times in 5,239 Posts Rep Power: 0	This is a subject which, even now, makes my skin crawl. I lived it. I divorced in 1989 and lost custody of my girls because I am a lesbian. I was ordered to pay child support to a millionaire (at the time of the divorce, I was a singing waiter in a mediocre Italian restaurant). Because of my own guilt in the situation, I didn't fight back. I actually TRUSTED my ex-husband to be 'fair'. It was a bitter pill I have had to swallow, lo these many years later. My girls wanted to live with me and so 6 years later, we finally had the opportunity to go to trial ~ it was a week-long, jury trial in deep west Texas ~ was drug through the mud (both my partner and I), witnessed my oldest child testifying against her father and STILL lost. A year later, that child was killed in a car accident; and several months after that, my youngest child decided she didn't want to see me again because I was a lesbian. She was absent from my life for 7 years. I continued to write to her, send her presents for every major holiday (as I always had)and never gave up on the dream that she would come back to me. But her father's true colors came through and she got tired of his attitude toward me, which then turned to her. She was a constant reminder of me. Things are wonderful now between the two of us (my daughter and me). We speak several times a week and she is about to move HOME, here to Austin, and will live with me for a while. She is now almost 23. We lost a lot of time....but we are doing our best to make up for that now, and I am so grateful. Just writing this short amount has my stomach in knots!!! I have often thought of writing the story.....it has been so awful that I'm not sure anyone would believe it! If I can teach one lesson from it, however, I would say if You find Yourself in a marriage and You realize You are a lesbian, GET A LAWYER. BE SMARTER THAN I WAS. HAVE MORE COURAGE THAN I DID. Get Your ducks in a row and then get out.