Reactions to Embracing Your Femme(ness)

spritzerJ · 08-31-2012, 07:14 AM

I should start with a bit of a warning... I am tired today.

Embracing my femmeness is recent. Like the pendulum swung in the femme direction and hovers there now. I've spent most of my adult life being blah (my own word since I really tried not to stand out), middle of the road, androgynous looking. I've not questioned my connection to being a woman. Overall, I've felt no disconnect from the body I was born into (my eyelashes are very thin and I don't like that since it is strictly out of proportion to the rest of my bodies dimensions).

These days I don't mind standing out and being more "girly" looking. Dressing in a way that feels good to me. I am very tired of the assumptions that go with the "girly" look. This may be one of the reasons I didn't dress this way before that I forgot.

Assumptions that irritate me:
1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she?

2. that I am more concerned with how I and others look than ideas/thoughts. My brain is so much more important to me than my body when it comes to how I want people to experience me. It is what I focus on in getting to know other people.

3. the but you are so girly looks/statements when I speak about feminism, sexism, classism, and racism. People share their -isms more openly, as if I will condone them or something. I am sure I am not adequately describing this phenomenon but it freaks me out. the oh I thought you'd be okay with it looks or statements.

4. my dry and subtle sarcasm is totally misunderstood more now than it was before. I really don't want to change that part of me so I use more disclaimers which totally ruins the punch line or the thought provoking nature of saying the exact opposite of what I really think with a straight expressionless face.

Being at work really highlights how femme I am and how femme I am not. That maybe because I work in a very weird section of the state. I am considering going for the hippy look. Just so people won't be so limiting. I am currently experiencing considerable femme angst right now.

mariamma · 08-31-2012, 12:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

Assumptions that irritate me:
1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she?

That one really bugs me too. Mostly because it comes from LGBTQI people the most. I understand about being 'blah' and kind of inconspicuous. In my experience, it's more about not being seen by potential attackers or competitors (women and men).

Again, this is a great thread and I love the perspective y'all share here. Thanks!

Leigh · 08-31-2012, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

Leigh,

Thank you SOOOOOOO Much for sharing your story.

We have all had growing pains i am sure of that, sharing them is a wonderful thing!

dee

I'm glad I shared it, and its so nice to be able to share with others who understand and who have been brave enough to share their own stories with the rest of us. We have all gone through alot in our lives, and I definitely appreciate everyone for being able to tell their stories here

NJFemmie · 08-31-2012, 01:01 PM

Originally Posted by spritzerJ

Assumptions that irritate me:
1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she?

That one really bugs me too. Mostly because it comes from LGBTQI people the most. I understand about being 'blah' and kind of inconspicuous. In my experience, it's more about not being seen by potential attackers or competitors (women and men).

This doesn't even bother me anymore. In a world where everything is basically take at face value, even I have a hard time figuring some people out.

I was at a bar once with my very butch poster child best friend. A guy came up to me and asked, "Okay, so I know she is, but are you?"

Bitch please. We were in a gay bar for God's sake.

It does come in handy at times though - i.e. attackers, etc.

08-31-2012, 07:14 AM	#1
spritzerJ Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Queer (gender), female (biological marker) Preferred Pronoun?: she will work as a default. Relationship Status: engaged to jac until 8/10/14 Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Maine Posts: 3,154 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,307 Thanked 15,802 Times in 2,905 Posts Rep Power: 0	I should start with a bit of a warning... I am tired today. Embracing my femmeness is recent. Like the pendulum swung in the femme direction and hovers there now. I've spent most of my adult life being blah (my own word since I really tried not to stand out), middle of the road, androgynous looking. I've not questioned my connection to being a woman. Overall, I've felt no disconnect from the body I was born into (my eyelashes are very thin and I don't like that since it is strictly out of proportion to the rest of my bodies dimensions). These days I don't mind standing out and being more "girly" looking. Dressing in a way that feels good to me. I am very tired of the assumptions that go with the "girly" look. This may be one of the reasons I didn't dress this way before that I forgot. Assumptions that irritate me: 1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she? 2. that I am more concerned with how I and others look than ideas/thoughts. My brain is so much more important to me than my body when it comes to how I want people to experience me. It is what I focus on in getting to know other people. 3. the but you are so girly looks/statements when I speak about feminism, sexism, classism, and racism. People share their -isms more openly, as if I will condone them or something. I am sure I am not adequately describing this phenomenon but it freaks me out. the oh I thought you'd be okay with it looks or statements. 4. my dry and subtle sarcasm is totally misunderstood more now than it was before. I really don't want to change that part of me so I use more disclaimers which totally ruins the punch line or the thought provoking nature of saying the exact opposite of what I really think with a straight expressionless face. Being at work really highlights how femme I am and how femme I am not. That maybe because I work in a very weird section of the state. I am considering going for the hippy look. Just so people won't be so limiting. I am currently experiencing considerable femme angst right now. Last edited by spritzerJ; 08-31-2012 at 07:28 AM. Reason: the deadly there/their typo

08-31-2012, 01:01 PM	#4
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,420 Times in 2,977 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Originally Posted by spritzerJ Assumptions that irritate me: 1. that I am straight. travel with a child and good luck ever being seen when standing without at another queer person around you to stimulate the question of is she? That one really bugs me too. Mostly because it comes from LGBTQI people the most. I understand about being 'blah' and kind of inconspicuous. In my experience, it's more about not being seen by potential attackers or competitors (women and men). This doesn't even bother me anymore. In a world where everything is basically take at face value, even I have a hard time figuring some people out. I was at a bar once with my very butch poster child best friend. A guy came up to me and asked, "Okay, so I know she is, but are you?" Bitch please. We were in a gay bar for God's sake. It does come in handy at times though - i.e. attackers, etc. __________________