Do you *want* people to assume you're a man?

[Kelt]

You all have got me thinking more about this business of how folks address each other and I have had a couple of new thoughts. Mostly about this business of when and why we and others seem to feel a need to assign gender at all.

Still forming the thoughts so it may be a little rough around the edges.

Some of this might go back to era and social class norms. Back when…I'll pick 1940's out of a hat. People behaved more formally with each other, gender and professional titles were used as a form of etiquette and an indicator of station in life, sometimes instead of a name, e.g. "Welcome Judge", Hello Dr.", "Reverend Smith", "Chairwoman of the committee". At the time people also dressed much more strictly along gender lines (mostly) so that if someone of a different class (lower) needed to address someone and did not know their title the default was something like "May I take your hat Sir" or "Help you with your bags Ma'am?" Kind of like the customer service model mentioned earlier.

Some of this, at least out in public, may be hold over language from when we spoke differently and it just won't die yet. I was also thinking about some other areas of communication, for instance in writing. Not that long ago pretty much all writing in business and personal began with "Dear so and so," and ended with "Sincerely". Now with emails, texts, and tweets, that has mostly become much less structured.

Maybe some of what I have been experiencing has been hold over etiquette in our language. Maybe I've been getting my boxers in a twist over something that I'm just making bigger in my own mind. Most of, if not all of the time it seems that those who get it wrong are not doing it on purpose, not trying to insult me. Yes I have been harassed intentionally in the past, but that is not what I'm talking about here. It bothers me a lot that every thing and person seems to be labeled with a gender. But maybe if I turn it around and look at it from the other side, we/they/us just haven't modified our language as quickly as our appearances and societal behavior.

Frankly, it used to be much easier at a glance to put most folks in an easy to define checkbox in our minds. My presenting in a less-boxable way causes confusion in some of the people that I meet. It was mentioned earlier that children are sometimes the best (thanks Bulldog), they just ask if I'm a boy or a girl, (if you want to screw with the parents, just answer loudly; "Both!"). I guess my point is that uncertainty makes people uncomfortable, by being visibly different I have the opportunity to expose them seeing something possibly unexpected and the next time they have the chance to get it right.

Yep, still ticks me off. Trying to see different angles though.

Hmmm……

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Kelt

It was mentioned earlier that children are sometimes the best (thanks Bulldog), they just ask if I'm a boy or a girl, (if you want to screw with the parents, just answer loudly; "Both!"). I guess my point is that uncertainty makes people uncomfortable, by being visibly different I have the opportunity to expose them seeing something possibly unexpected and the next time they have the chance to get it right.

Yep, still ticks me off. Trying to see different angles though.

Hmmm……

You might also consider that the parents are enlightened beings, and wouldn't be "screwed with" by answering "both!". My friend is bisexual, and although she's explained to her 10 yr old daughter that people can love whomever they want, and that she likes both "boys and girls", the fact remains that her daughter is 10. She said to us, one night at dinner, something like "if that boy liked that other boy then he'd be a lesbian.". So, obviously she was in the ballpark, but it's probably not all crystal clear to children of that age range,regardless if their parents are dense or whether they completely "get it" and try to pass on those enlightened values to their children.

[Kelt]

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

You might also consider that the parents are enlightened beings, and wouldn't be "screwed with" by answering "both!". My friend is bisexual, and although she's explained to her 10 yr old daughter that people can love whomever they want, and that she likes both "boys and girls", the fact remains that her daughter is 10. She said to us, one night at dinner, something like "if that boy liked that other boy then he'd be a lesbian.". So, obviously she was in the ballpark, but it's probably not all crystal clear to children of that age range,regardless if their parents are dense or whether they completely "get it" and try to pass on those enlightened values to their children.

Touche`

Just shooting for a little humor. No offense intended.

[QueenofSmirks]

Originally Posted by Kelt

Touche`

Just shooting for a little humor. No offense intended.

None taken. I just wanted to make the point that not everyone out there is a complete dumbass, although there are days and weeks where it certainly seems like they are!