PTSD and Trauma recovery

Apocalipstic · 03-11-2010, 01:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Oh, my father is mean, nasty, and has a razor sharp tongue. It doesn't matter if he knows you or not. He just says whatever he is thinking to whomever. It is very embarassing at times. He is very sick mentally.

So he treats your mother as bad as he does you?

I often wonder why my mother stayed with my father. The church I guess?

Princess4u · 03-11-2010, 05:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

So he treats your mother as bad as he does you?

I often wonder why my mother stayed with my father. The church I guess?

I think...that ppl stay in an abusive relationship for many reasons...including the church. Also I think when abuse is all you know...there is a comfort there that is hard to break away from. You know what to expect, you know how to behave, you know how to protect yourself and what the particular buttons are to avoid. Its comfort in knowing how to be or how to exist. It is taking me a long time of trying to believe friends when they pay me a compliment because...I feel so unworthy of kindness and good ppl. I am so used to knowing how to behave and talk , walk, dress be what was expected of me...just so i could survive. I wonder if perhaps this isnt true for your mom? If you think about it..and I dont know how old you are to begin to guess how old your mom is...but my mom was born in the 30"s and they were taught to do what the husband tells you to...that you suck it up and never complain. Family secrets are to remain as secrets and you "never aire your dirty laundry" god how many times I have heard that in my life! I was raised with the same mentality...I was told over and over again..."you dont have to know how to do (this or that) because you will have a husband and he will take care of those things." Like oh how to start and maintain a checking account. How to get a car fixed or what to ask to do so...how to budget money, how to fill a gas tank. Hummmmmm <looking around> there aint any husband here...or even a hym for that matter. My brother on the other hand was taken aside and taught all of these things ad many more....just trying to point out how parent influence us and their parents influenced them. Just a thought! hope it helps a bit

Apocalipstic · 03-11-2010, 05:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Princess4u

I think...that ppl stay in an abusive relationship for many reasons...including the church. Also I think when abuse is all you know...there is a comfort there that is hard to break away from. You know what to expect, you know how to behave, you know how to protect yourself and what the particular buttons are to avoid. Its comfort in knowing how to be or how to exist. It is taking me a long time of trying to believe friends when they pay me a compliment because...I feel so unworthy of kindness and good ppl. I am so used to knowing how to behave and talk , walk, dress be what was expected of me...just so i could survive. I wonder if perhaps this isnt true for your mom? If you think about it..and I dont know how old you are to begin to guess how old your mom is...but my mom was born in the 30"s and they were taught to do what the husband tells you to...that you suck it up and never complain. Family secrets are to remain as secrets and you "never aire your dirty laundry" god how many times I have heard that in my life! I was raised with the same mentality...I was told over and over again..."you dont have to know how to do (this or that) because you will have a husband and he will take care of those things." Like oh how to start and maintain a checking account. How to get a car fixed or what to ask to do so...how to budget money, how to fill a gas tank. Hummmmmm <looking around> there aint any husband here...or even a hym for that matter. My brother on the other hand was taken aside and taught all of these things ad many more....just trying to point out how parent influence us and their parents influenced them. Just a thought! hope it helps a bit

My mother died, but what you say makes complete sense and I grew up pretty similarly to you it sounds like. I am 46. S excited to meet you when you come to town.

Princess4u · 03-11-2010, 05:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

My mother died, but what you say makes complete sense and I grew up pretty similarly to you it sounds like. I am 46. S excited to meet you when you come to town.

I am sorry to hear about your mom...my mother died too...and we werent very close at all..as a matter of fact she is part of my PTSD...both of us girls...were far from her faviourite and she let us know on a daily basis...!!!! I hope you didnt have the same issues w your mom!!!

Andrew, Jr. · 03-11-2010, 06:00 PM

I adore and love my mother dearly. However, I am 46 yo and lost a lot of respect for her because she refused to stand up to my father, and protect her children. I believe a mother - no matter what the situation is - should always be there for their kids. That is the one thing I can't say for my mother. She chose her husband over her kids. All the time. Each and every time.

Life is not easy. It is a challenge. It is not for extra credit. Extending a hand is not something that a mother should have to be taught.

Princess4u · 03-11-2010, 06:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I adore and love my mother dearly. However, I am 46 yo and lost a lot of respect for her because she refused to stand up to my father, and protect her children. I believe a mother - no matter what the situation is - should always be there for their kids. That is the one thing I can't say for my mother. She chose her husband over her kids. All the time. Each and every time.

Life is not easy. It is a challenge. It is not for extra credit. Extending a hand is not something that a mother should have to be taught.

I agree Andrew...and I could say the same out my dad not standing up to my mom over us girls....I think both parents should do what is in their power to protect their children.....my mom was not kind at all to my father either...so he was beaten down w us girls...but he did nothing to stop it even when it was right in his face literally....I think sometimes...some parents just try to keep the peace and not make things worse for anyone...including themselves. Not that its right...just saying that is what i think

Andrew, Jr. · 03-11-2010, 06:23 PM

Yea, I think it is much easier to keep peace than go against the waves. You're right about that one!

Jet · 03-11-2010, 07:47 PM

When my trauma occurred, my mother flew in from California to take care of me. She took care of my apartment, car, bills and sat in the hospital with me until my release. There was no one like her as being a terrific mother and friend to me. As I relive and reprocess my trauma, after 17 years, thinking of her being there helps with this purging and reliving process today. These days, I think of her often as I remember what happened. It helps to sooth the pain.

My father and stepmother were also there and so were my friends.

03-11-2010, 06:00 PM	#5
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	I adore and love my mother dearly. However, I am 46 yo and lost a lot of respect for her because she refused to stand up to my father, and protect her children. I believe a mother - no matter what the situation is - should always be there for their kids. That is the one thing I can't say for my mother. She chose her husband over her kids. All the time. Each and every time. Life is not easy. It is a challenge. It is not for extra credit. Extending a hand is not something that a mother should have to be taught.

03-11-2010, 06:23 PM	#7
Andrew, Jr. Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Over the Rainbow in a House Posts: 5,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 16,004 Thanked 5,249 Times in 2,216 Posts Rep Power: 0	Yea, I think it is much easier to keep peace than go against the waves. You're right about that one!

03-11-2010, 07:47 PM	#8
Jet Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: .. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: .. Posts: 3,471 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 292 Thanked 2,647 Times in 1,293 Posts Rep Power: 0	When my trauma occurred, my mother flew in from California to take care of me. She took care of my apartment, car, bills and sat in the hospital with me until my release. There was no one like her as being a terrific mother and friend to me. As I relive and reprocess my trauma, after 17 years, thinking of her being there helps with this purging and reliving process today. These days, I think of her often as I remember what happened. It helps to sooth the pain. My father and stepmother were also there and so were my friends.