Showing scars: what are your relationship fears?

[Gráinne]

I've been fortunate that I've had relatively healthy partners, save a couple. I think overall, I've become much healthier and thus more able to attract someone healthy, too. So that's the good news.

The "bad" news: I worry about losing my independence and my ability to think for myself. I worked so hard to get that back, that I'm afraid to get into another relationship and lose that. I don't think I compromise well.

I'm afraid of becoming somone's "half", like "Someone and partner", instead of a full person on my own. I'm afraid of always being referred to in context to my partner.

I'm also afraid of being found lacking in the intimacy department (I mean physical, as well as emotional). I don't enjoy a lot of activities that are somewhat "standard" (if that's the right word). An intimate relationship might just be too much. I hope not, though.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by guihong

I've been fortunate that I've had relatively healthy partners, save a couple. I think overall, I've become much healthier and thus more able to attract someone healthy, too. So that's the good news.

The "bad" news: I worry about losing my independence and my ability to think for myself. I worked so hard to get that back, that I'm afraid to get into another relationship and lose that. I don't think I compromise well.

I'm afraid of becoming somone's "half", like "Someone and partner", instead of a full person on my own. I'm afraid of always being referred to in context to my partner.

I'm also afraid of being found lacking in the intimacy department (I mean physical, as well as emotional). I don't enjoy a lot of activities that are somewhat "standard" (if that's the right word). An intimate relationship might just be too much. I hope not, though.

It sounds to me like you are afraid of losing your identity, of compromising too much. Why do you think that is?

I'm a believer that there is someone out there for everyone. You just have to be open, have realistic expectations, accept and love yourself. Maybe I'm an optimist, but I think that being realistic, but positively so, is what makes successful people. So keep up your hope. You deserve someone who is just right for you.

[WolfyOne]

My biggest fear is losing my independence and that's hard for me to swallow. I lost so much of who I am in my last relationship and didn't realize it until it was over. I have never let myself do that in any relationship. I was always the strong independent one that had a hard time with change, but learned to compromise. I just don't know what happened to me in the last relationship.

Cleaning out my head and moving on has taken a few years, but I've done it. I know the next step would be dating again, but it scares me. I think someone would have to show an interest in me before I did them in order for me to open up a little more. I do know should there ever be a next relationship that it will be my last. I will take it slow and really get to know the person. If they can't move slowly then I'm not the person for them.

Also, I have one more move to make, to make yet another change in my life and it'll be my last move. So, if someone doesn't want to be in my space, I'm not the person for them. I can be stubborn because I've bent so much in the past for others. This time around, it'll be about where I want to be and whoever wants to travel with me.

Lastly, I know I have triggers that set me off, but would tell someone if they've touched on one of them, so it wouldn't happen again. I know my feelings seem to get hurt more easily nowadays.

Caring around old baggage is also a fear. What if a person interested in me, can't let go of old baggage and continues to bring it up? I've tried to work through all of my old baggage and just would like a fresh start.

So much to consider when relationships scare you or perhaps it's failure that's scary.