Butches/transguys as kids

[Dance-with-me]

Originally Posted by Soon

Seriously?! This is unreal.

Why is your ex so invested in this kid's gender conformity when they themselves are TG? How effed up is THAT?

Seriously!!! And her investment in it is completely arbitrary. I mean, Chas has a short haircut, wears almost exclusively "boy" clothes, plays almost exclusively with "boy" stuff, and is seen by everyone who doesn't know better (and by some who do) as a boy. So why randomly insist that no, she can't wear one particular thing, or has to wear a certain thing (such as a barrette) -- or the very worst day, when she insisted that if Chas wanted to go to a waterpark with the boys and girls club, she had to wear a two-sizes-too-small girl's two-piece bathing suit instead of her normal board shorts and rash guard?!? Then again, the ex is seriously fucked up in many different ways - which is why she's my ex (and should have been LONG ago). But I digress....

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Dance-with-me

Seriously!!! And her investment in it is completely arbitrary. I mean, Chas has a short haircut, wears almost exclusively "boy" clothes, plays almost exclusively with "boy" stuff, and is seen by everyone who doesn't know better (and by some who do) as a boy. So why randomly insist that no, she can't wear one particular thing, or has to wear a certain thing (such as a barrette) -- or the very worst day, when she insisted that if Chas wanted to go to a waterpark with the boys and girls club, she had to wear a two-sizes-too-small girl's two-piece bathing suit instead of her normal board shorts and rash guard?!? Then again, the ex is seriously fucked up in many different ways - which is why she's my ex (and should have been LONG ago). But I digress....

Maybe it is as simple as it can be really hard to be a butch in our society, your ex has experienced this in a real way, and she doesn't want her grandchild to have to go through that?

Of course, it is an irrational thought...kind of like make the gentle boy play rough sports so he "doesn't become a fag", but maybe this is what it is grounded in.

[CharmingButch25]

So I am typing from my phone so lets see how much I can get typed out lol
I have been butch identified as long as I can remember when I was 7 I remember asking my mom why I had to wear a tshirt and she said because I was developing breasts I was devastated yes I was an early developer and ever since I've wanted them gone.
My mom used to make me wear dresses to church and school and I despised her for that,I had to keep my hair long and I hated it. Anything girl i wanted nothing to do with,when i came out when i was 10 and they didn't accept it. When i was 13 and still a lesbian they let me cut my hair to a crew cut let me tell you it was like the real me came to life,at 15 i reall grew into the butch role,i am a lesbian i am Christian and i am butch, i GUESS what im attempting to say is i wish i had someone like you when i was younger, i struggled for years scared to be me because i felt it was wrong, i was scared how society viewed me, i still struggle especially when it comes to church whether ill be accepted, i dont volunteer even though i want to because im afraid i won't be accepted for me, i think my parents did some un necessary damage forcing me to be a girl, good for you in supporting your little one, i have a 16 month old and plan yo do the same,accepting her for her no matter what,your doing a great job

[Maverick]

In my opinion, you are doing exactly what this child needs. I struggled my whole life with feeling one way and being perceived and pushed in another. Nobody understood how I felt and I somehow managed to deal with it all...but at a cost. Oh how I would have loved for a caring person tell me that it's ok for me to not be like all the other little girls who enjoy playing with dolls. Thankfully, even though my single mom didn't understand she did allow me to have my boy toys/clothes and cut my hair short as long as I compromised and had some girl toys as well and wore the dresses to church and stuff. Usually my barbie's were GI Joe's girlfriends LOL and I was cool with that. For me, I could not have dealt with it if my family forced me to be a girly girl. I think it would have killed my spirit and possibly led me to dark places I don't want to imagine. If the desire in your grandchild is strong to be boyish or a boy then I say let this little person express themselves the way that is right for them. As far as your ex..I can't imagine why he is so adamantly against honoring his grandchild's desires. Good luck.

[Greyson]

Dance, I too have pretty much the typical story of being so uncomfortable in the way I was forced to dress and the behaviour that was assigned to me because "You are a girl."

In retrospect, I think maybe my childhood would have been easier if someone would have reinforced the idea that many girls like to dress masculine and prefer to do and play with things that society says are for boys. Show your grandchild examples of femaled bodied people that dress and act masculine. Butches and Transmen are "gender outlaws." We do not conform to the "norm."

Your grandchild may or may not be Trans. All little girls that present and act masculine are not Trans. I do wonder if some children believe themselves to be the opposite sex because there is no positive reinforcement or examples of love and acceptance of people who are different.

If your grandchild is Trans nothing will change that. Forced gender expression or homophobic and transphobic ideas will only serve to eat away at the self esteem and happiness of the child.

[StrongButch]

I have always been a tomboi.I played with my brother and two boy cousins as a kid.I had a family that accepted me for who I was.I have never owned any kinda doll.I played with trucks,cars and I even rode a boys bike.So I guess I was born this way.