Is Marriage for you?

imperfect_cupcake · 10-01-2012, 12:15 PM

Other: Divorced in your country/state. (have been married)

I was always against marriage for myself. Then when I did it, the validation I got from exchanging vows in front of 40 witnessness and having a justice of the peace tell us we were now a part of Amsterdam history archives... I dunno... just felt emmense. And the level of betrayal I felt for my wife going against the vows she made in front of 40 witnesses... the outrage those witnesses felt as well... was one of the most agonising things I had ever felt.

I now "get" the impact of marraige ceremony, for me.

MsTinkerbelly · 10-01-2012, 12:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Other: Divorced in your country/state. (have been married)

I was always against marriage for myself. Then when I did it, the validation I got from exchanging vows in front of 40 witnessness and having a justice of the peace tell us we were now a part of Amsterdam history archives... I dunno... just felt emmense. And the level of betrayal I felt for my wife going against the vows she made in front of 40 witnesses... the outrage those witnesses felt as well... was one of the most agonising things I had ever felt.

I now "get" the impact of marraige ceremony, for me.

Marriage for me changes everything, it changes the level of commitment I bring to the relationship. For me, living together, dating, long distance...none of those things made me want to get up day after day and tell myself I choose to be here; good, bad, ugly, wonderful...and do the work needed to make that forever a reality.

Something changes in me when I stand before family, friends, my God...I am human and I have human failings, but at the end of the day I would never do anything to harm my marriage or my wife.

Kent · 10-01-2012, 02:16 PM

Absolutely!

Fatale · 10-01-2012, 02:25 PM

I recently received an invitation to a lesbian wedding in the mail and found myself hosting dichotomous emotions. On the one hand, of course I was happy for my friends. They've found someone with whom they want to share their lives, come what may. On the other, I myself thinking, "Ugh, really? Do we have to be so fucking assimilationistic? (I doubt that's an actual word, but it works for me contextually) Of course I'm all for everyone having equal rights, blah, blah, but do we always have to resort to heteronormative paradigms? I think that's my biggest issue with the whole marriage "thing". I want the benefits, should I choose to embrace them, but I so strongly wish it didn't mirror nonqueer society in order to grant me said rights. Is that just having cake and wanting to eat it, too?

Rockinonahigh · 10-01-2012, 02:38 PM

I once said never again would I ever take the trip down the isle,I did it twice both were for all the wrong reasons at diffrent times of my life.The first to young and wanting to get away from home..didnt happen then divorce and two kids later turned me upside down like I never thought I would be dealing with.The second he was a friend from my past who my kids loved like a dad..he loved them as well so it became a conveniance thing evn tho he knew I didnt do bio guys ever again.As with things it came to an end and we are still friends tho with a lot of distance.
At this point in my life i'm free,that sounds great but it dose get to be a lonly road to walk.If I ever do tale the plunge again I will spend time makeing shure its what we both want and what we both can handle the ebb and flow of the life.I'm older,I hope wiser.The future,well we will see.

imperfect_cupcake · 10-01-2012, 04:25 PM

marriage, for me, was aping no hettie. The rules of our marriage was between me and my wife. two wives.

Our marriage aped heterosexuals about as much as our sex life does. we have sex at night in a bed most of the time, just like hetties. We eat three meals a day, just like hetties. we go to work, go to the park, roller skate, ride a bike, have kids, have cats, travel, stay in B&B's ( and want the same rights about staying in a B&B in the same bed as a hettie) but all of these things aren't "aping" hetties. So why would the choice to get married and be self sovreign over your own relationship be aping a hettie any more than all the other things we do in a day/lifetime that's the same at hetties?

I didn't own my wife. she didn't own me. Just like the original meaning of the term "queer" wasn't very nice but it's been reclaimed. I reclaimed marriage for myself and my wife. Our rules. Our love. Our decisions. I get really pissed off about people saying my marraige aped some hetties marriage. How the hell would they know?

I also get pissed off with people saying my partners using a strap on apes heterosexual sex too.

Beloved · 10-02-2012, 05:17 AM

I'm divorced.

I would get married again one day if I felt it was the right person, place and circumstance. If it doesn't happen I am ok with that, too. It's not a goal, but if it happens, it happens. And I plan on making a MUCH better decision next time than I did the first! I didn't get married for the right reasons the first time.

View Poll Results: What is your ststus?
I am unmarried in my State or Country	103	58.52%
I am married in my State or Country	27	15.34%
I have had an alternate joining which is not legally marriage	18	10.23%
I wouldn't get married if they paid me!	28	15.91%
Voters: 176. You may not vote on this poll

10-01-2012, 02:16 PM	#3
Kent Member How Do You Identify?: Male Relationship Status: Single Tournaments Won: 2 Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: TX Posts: 1,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,564 Thanked 2,058 Times in 720 Posts Rep Power: 19241326	Is Marriage For You? Absolutely! __________________ Kent

10-01-2012, 12:15 PM	#1
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Other: Divorced in your country/state. (have been married) I was always against marriage for myself. Then when I did it, the validation I got from exchanging vows in front of 40 witnessness and having a justice of the peace tell us we were now a part of Amsterdam history archives... I dunno... just felt emmense. And the level of betrayal I felt for my wife going against the vows she made in front of 40 witnesses... the outrage those witnesses felt as well... was one of the most agonising things I had ever felt. I now "get" the impact of marraige ceremony, for me.

10-01-2012, 02:25 PM	#4
Fatale Member How Do You Identify?: Not your average babe in the woods. Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: The edge Posts: 210 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22 Thanked 896 Times in 166 Posts Rep Power: 12150548	I recently received an invitation to a lesbian wedding in the mail and found myself hosting dichotomous emotions. On the one hand, of course I was happy for my friends. They've found someone with whom they want to share their lives, come what may. On the other, I myself thinking, "Ugh, really? Do we have to be so fucking assimilationistic? (I doubt that's an actual word, but it works for me contextually) Of course I'm all for everyone having equal rights, blah, blah, but do we always have to resort to heteronormative paradigms? I think that's my biggest issue with the whole marriage "thing". I want the benefits, should I choose to embrace them, but I so strongly wish it didn't mirror nonqueer society in order to grant me said rights. Is that just having cake and wanting to eat it, too?

10-01-2012, 02:38 PM	#5
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I once said never again would I ever take the trip down the isle,I did it twice both were for all the wrong reasons at diffrent times of my life.The first to young and wanting to get away from home..didnt happen then divorce and two kids later turned me upside down like I never thought I would be dealing with.The second he was a friend from my past who my kids loved like a dad..he loved them as well so it became a conveniance thing evn tho he knew I didnt do bio guys ever again.As with things it came to an end and we are still friends tho with a lot of distance. At this point in my life i'm free,that sounds great but it dose get to be a lonly road to walk.If I ever do tale the plunge again I will spend time makeing shure its what we both want and what we both can handle the ebb and flow of the life.I'm older,I hope wiser.The future,well we will see.

10-01-2012, 04:25 PM	#6
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	marriage, for me, was aping no hettie. The rules of our marriage was between me and my wife. two wives. Our marriage aped heterosexuals about as much as our sex life does. we have sex at night in a bed most of the time, just like hetties. We eat three meals a day, just like hetties. we go to work, go to the park, roller skate, ride a bike, have kids, have cats, travel, stay in B&B's ( and want the same rights about staying in a B&B in the same bed as a hettie) but all of these things aren't "aping" hetties. So why would the choice to get married and be self sovreign over your own relationship be aping a hettie any more than all the other things we do in a day/lifetime that's the same at hetties? I didn't own my wife. she didn't own me. Just like the original meaning of the term "queer" wasn't very nice but it's been reclaimed. I reclaimed marriage for myself and my wife. Our rules. Our love. Our decisions. I get really pissed off about people saying my marraige aped some hetties marriage. How the hell would they know? I also get pissed off with people saying my partners using a strap on apes heterosexual sex too.

10-02-2012, 05:17 AM	#7
Beloved Member How Do You Identify?: alive Preferred Pronoun?: um Relationship Status: married Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: on the stars Posts: 460 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,415 Thanked 1,653 Times in 298 Posts Rep Power: 19348704	I'm divorced. I would get married again one day if I felt it was the right person, place and circumstance. If it doesn't happen I am ok with that, too. It's not a goal, but if it happens, it happens. And I plan on making a MUCH better decision next time than I did the first! I didn't get married for the right reasons the first time.