Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[gaea]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute or so it gets ridiculous and id become bored quickly with your over sized self inflated ego trip if i think your good looking ill tell you that however that wouldn't be why i chose a date with you.....looks fail as we age however kindness, respect, integrity all the good stuff stays....given the fact that im 42 I would rather date someone with a heart full of respect over a good looking butch any day of the week.

how "hot" someone is has never impressed me at all.....period. It has been my experience that feeding someones ego on a daily basis has only proved them to be insecure with who they are inside.

I also don't need to hear how hot i am every minute either that too will bore the shit out of me....that would scream you have no brain or ability to have a real conversion.....or your just avoiding something all together. It would also fall on deaf ears, i know im pretty but i don't use that to boost my ego and i wouldn't want you to do that either.

If your interested in dating me then understand upfront i have 3 grown kids and 2 grand babies that light up my life and that family is most important to me.

ps the terms "you " and "your" are generalized words and not targeted for anyone here.

[jac]

Taking notes...

[imperfect_cupcake]

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

ah see... this is such a variable with people! I love talking about relationships. and love hearing about them. One ex and I *met* because we had both just been left by our wives. We spent a good 50% of our time together discussing what was going on with our exes and us, how we were coping, what we thought had gone wrong, omg they are driving me crazy, or actually I miss them (I am actually pretty empathetic about that), would we ever get married again, what about the kid (her step daughter)... and it was brilliant. we both needed it.

Then both of us needed some time on our own... during which she got involved with someone else. We then returned to our friendship and found out the feelings we had for each other were still there and pretty big. I think because what we had done/built was based on friendship and support and wasn't about anything else but that... and there chemistry was still there. We talked about what to do after trying to ignore that for a while - should we get back together? She had feelings for both of us but the girl she is with just gave her a greater sense of stability, which she really needs. I was broken hearted but because I know her quite well, understand her needs, respect them and actually love her as a person/friend, I "got" it. She really does need a lot of stability, and no, I couldn't give her that level of it, unfortunately. And I think her lovely gf probably has more patience than I do. I adore her gf too.

Throughout everything we've been exceptional friends. Even when fighting she'll text me every day to see how I am. She's never lied to me. She's never abandoned me.

This is a big lesson for me. It's taught me that actually... if people are sorting things out? It's ok. And because she and I talk every single day, she's almost like a weird kind of brother to me, I love her to bits, I do talk about her a lot. Just like I talk about Eve, my flatmate and very close friend, a lot because they are in my daily life - they are my family on this continent, 5000 miles from home. And I love them both. And whomever is interested in me is going to hear a lot about them.

So I prefer for people to tell me their stories about their relationships and things in depth. I love hearing their take on how it went, what happened and how they feel about it now. I'm an Extrovert with a big "E" and therefore I need to vocalise my inner thoughts and bounce them off other people in order to process them properly. If things stay in my head they rot. So I equally love people who tell me *everything* and the why what where when about it. And invite me to have a conversation with them about it. Like I do with mine. Circle things, draw lines under others, arrows, stars and notations. Fabulous.

As for flowers... hand picked. wild flowers. But really, not early in the friendship when we are just hangin out. Maybe if you know I'm feelin like crap that day (exhausted, down, crabby) and you swing past to ask if you can get me anything, bring me some hand picked flowers from the roadside, I'd love that.

I dunno, dates. I went on them with my wife even after being married but I don't really want to "date" anymore. If that makes any sense. I just want to hang out as friends and if there's a ton of chemistry, we'll take it from there.

I think I just can't deal with the frame of mind of dating anymore. I just want to do things I'd do with my friends. I want an important friendship that goes somewhere with good chemistry. The thought of going on a "date" just makes me feel exhausted.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

<snip>

I dunno, dates. I went on them with my wife even after being married but I don't really want to "date" anymore. If that makes any sense. I just want to hang out as friends and if there's a ton of chemistry, we'll take it from there.

I think I just can't deal with the frame of mind of dating anymore. I just want to do things I'd do with my friends. I want an important friendship that goes somewhere with good chemistry. The thought of going on a "date" just makes me feel exhausted.

I read this and a light got turned on. Thanks

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by gaea

Im not interested in all of your exes......at this stage in the game we would both be single and even though your exes are a big part of who you are there is no need to talk about them constantly.

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute or so it gets ridiculous and id become bored quickly with your over sized self inflated ego trip if i think your good looking ill tell you that however that wouldn't be why i chose a date with you.....looks fail as we age however kindness, respect, integrity all the good stuff stays....given the fact that im 42 I would rather date someone with a heart full of respect over a good looking butch any day of the week.

how "hot" someone is has never impressed me at all.....period. It has been my experience that feeding someones ego on a daily basis has only proved them to be insecure with who they are inside.

I also don't need to hear how hot i am every minute either that too will bore the shit out of me....that would scream you have no brain or ability to have a real conversion.....or your just avoiding something all together. It would also fall on deaf ears, i know im pretty but i don't use that to boost my ego and i wouldn't want you to do that either.

If your interested in dating me then understand upfront i have 3 grown kids and 2 grand babies that light up my life and that family is most important to me.

ps the terms "you " and "your" are generalized words and not targeted for anyone here.

I could have written this. lol

The moment someone starts up with all the ex drama, especially the sad story about how she ripped hym off and left hym with all this credit card debit blah blah... I mean it could have happened, I just don't want to hear about it on our date. I am the center of the universe! Nothing happened before or after me. lol

Ditto on my family. If you want to date me then you'll have to be ok with it because my granddaughter is around a LOT.

I enjoy being treated special. Someone who has taken the time to understand what makes me happy and what thrills me. They want to make me happy and see me smile. They enjoy watching me light up.

Don't show up empty handed especially when you're coming to my house and I'm cooking dinner. Don't show up with a bottle of boones farm. It tells me that you don't know me that well or that you've put zero thought into planning our date.

Don't bore me with stories about people I don't know. Your sister ex boyfriends sister's cousin who needs a fake leg and how awful your brother from another mother is to his dog. I DON'T care! omg this drives me nuts! Living in the south I am bombarded by small talk and it drives me nuts.

I better stop. lol- I'm a bitch and my expectations very high. If you want to date me your standards should be high too.

[Sachita]

if I want to go beyond the first date then at some point I may ask about past relationships and why they didn't work. I think this is normal

[Martina]

Originally Posted by gaea

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are

It's surprising to me how many people do this. They often do this early, before the first date. So . . . you know, no first date. But it's common. *rme* So funny.

[imperfect_cupcake]

really? I hope I'm not in for an annoying suprise when I move home... or is this purely an on line thing?

[Martina]

Unfortunately not.

I have to say I have encountered it more in CA than I did in Michigan. And Canadians have the rep of being more diffident.

[gaea]

Originally Posted by Martina

Unfortunately not.

I have to say I have encountered it more in CA than I did in Michigan. And Canadians have the rep of being more diffident.

right.....i know i too am in Ca

[-Red-Flag-]

Takes a bagillion notes.. Needs more paper ...scribble scribble

[starryeyes]

Originally Posted by gaea

also please don't tell me how "hot" you are or how "hot" everyone else thinks you are every minute

*puke*

Instant turn OFF!

Why don't people get this? I am from California as well and have encountered this a lot too. As soon as this is brought up, they immediately fall off my radar![/QUOTE]

[gaea]

Originally Posted by starryeyes

*puke*

Instant turn OFF!

Why don't people get this? I am from California as well and have encountered this a lot too. As soon as this is brought up, they immediately fall off my radar!

[/QUOTE]

RIGHT???

I dont get it either, low self esteem perhaps? self inflated ego's perhaps? over zealous perhaps? who knows but it certainly is most annoying.

[Ginger]

RIGHT???

I dont get it either, low self esteem perhaps? self inflated ego's perhaps? over zealous perhaps? who knows but it certainly is most annoying.[/QUOTE]


Since several people on the thread have said they've encountered this behavior (declaring one's own hotness on a first date), I don't doubt it's out there, but I just wanted to say, no one I've ever dated has ever talked about how hot they are on on a first date or any date.

(Shaking head)

(Chuckling)

[Novelafemme]

? Probably the same way butches do? I'm not big on someone opening the door for me or bringing me flowers, but I do like to hold hands or wrap my arm around theirs. Physical displays of affection are way better than all the other bells and whistles. Although, I suppose that would happen after you have established a connection with someone you are dating.

Oh fuck it. Bring me flowers and hold the door open for me, dammit!

[Toughy]

since I don't date butch folk and none of my butch friends would say how 'hot' they are to anyone they are on a date with.........I'm a bit shocked this happens........

it's kinda icky and creepy just hearing about it.........

[StrongButch]

Thank you ladies. I have been reading this post and im sorry some of you havent been treated so nicely. I believe if you ask a woman out you should treat her with respect,be kind,compliment her, and be attentive to her. I even say thank you for spending time with me. Good luck ladies!