Grieving

[gaea]

I am glad i saw this thread.....

My mom passed away in June on the 10th....I have been dealing with my grief in my own way...Ive been hearing the words let it go just let it go and this disturbs me because im doing the best i can .....all on my own

I wish i had known about this thread before i might have been able to share in the grief steps...im still going through them

Its been ten years since my dad passed....i miss him terribly too...

[JazzyLou0102]

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to
more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

I am so sorry for your loss.

Thank you for sharing...it helps to reach out and express yourself.

Welcome to BFP

[Daisy Chain]

Originally Posted by JazzyLou0102

Hi all,

I'm new to BFP and thought Id introduce myself - on the grieving thread! It's a long story, but I'll try to give the condensed version for now and likely will spill my guts completely later on. Here we go:

Six weeks ago tonight I came home and found my partner dead. She had committed suicide. We had been together for 10 months and had been living together for four months. She was a widow. She lost her predeceased partner about two years before we started seeing each other. She could not overcome the loss of her partner and she probably just wanted to be free of that pain. Now they are together and for that I am glad.

As for me, I decided to accept that I was not the "love of her life", and I also knew that the relationship dynamic was changing from a "lover" relationship to more of a "care-taker" relationship as she became more and more depressed. She refused treatment and continued to self medicate. I didn't realize this was going on until about a month after I moved in. At that point I knew if she didn't get help, things would not end well for her. She persisted down that path until she just couldn't take it any more.

I miss her - but I know she is free of pain.

Thanks for letting me share,

Jazzy

You sound so full of compassion and understanding of her pain.

As you say, they are together again now.

I must acknowledge also that this must of been a harrowing experience to discover her the way you did......

And when you met her and embarked on this relationship, moving in together you must of been full of hope for all the love and happiness that this union would bring.....seems it was to bring very different things.

Sending you love and support and wishing you gentle, healing days.

DC

[violaine]

[QUOTE=Ol' Jet;6685][FONT=Franklin Gothic Medium][SIZE=3][COLOR=Red]Andrew have you read Elizabeth Kubler Ross? [COLOR=Red]

awesome recommendation! dr. wallace sife, Ph.D., worked with her, and wrote "the loss of a pet".

[Andrew, Jr.]

Belle,

I am not a big reader of any sorts. Unless it's a magazine or easy reading forget it. I struggle with the comprehension, what the words mean, and so on. I am actually more "verbal" online than in real time. In real time I am very quiet and shy.

I used to belong to the organization called "Readings for the Blind". They would take in high school and college students, and volunteers of any age really for that matter, to read books on tapes, cd's, and dvd's. It is for those who are blind, or learning disabled as I am. It makes it easier to listen to books instead of reading it for myself. That is why I rarely go to the library. However, as times have changed, the cost of belonging to this organization has gone up quite a bit. It used to be free. But those days are long gone.

[casey35]

In December 07, My soul mate Dot became sick every week there was something broken or another sickness. January 08, the first week she could not see, hear, or walk. Took her to her doctor, he sent her to the hospital where they told us she had leuk. and she was in organ failure. I look at those three week that i had her in the hospital as special. We got to spend time together even thru she was not really there. I had to decide if we wanted her to live the last day or so hooked to machines or just tell her i loved her and have her taken off. I told the doctor to unhook her and stayed with her until she passed on. I still remember that with full visual. I dont think i will ever forget that moment.
I called my mom who we had not talked with off and on for five years to be with me at the funeral. She did and spent a few days with me. She headed back home to missouri to find my dad in the field dead from a front end loader accident. I regret so bad that i did not tell my dad that i love him and that i am so sorry that we could not get past the gay thing. I would give anything for a hour just to have my daddy.
In my grief i have became cold , unlaughing person. Even thro i have tammy and she a wonderful wife. She has to put up so much shit from me i dont really see why she put up with it. Even thru i know i do it i cant seem to stop my self. I have so much anger and hurt and yes i am so mad at god for taking what i held so close. I prayed so hard to keep them here with me .
I am sorry if that to deep or whatever . but it did make me cry which i have not done since 08 Dot january 25 Dad january 30

[Andrew, Jr.]

Thank you Casey35 for sharing your story. I hope this thread gives you some peace.

Some people just never get over the gay thing. It really is sad. Life is so short. I am still dealing with that at my age with my elderly parents. Even with what we have been thru.

I wish you peace.

Namaste,
Andrew

[Liquefaction]

Originally Posted by Blade

Grieving comes in many forms, not just at the death of a loved one. I'm comfortable with death and normally deal with it and grieve and go on.

I was just going to ask about other types of grieving.

I have been grieving the loss of a very dear friendship. I have felt it coming for a long time so I have had time to accept the fact that it no longer exists but the loss is still painful. I do however take comfort in the fact that this person is still alive and well, just not in my life.

I have been very lucky in my life not to have lost very many loved ones to death other than grandparents who were all in their 90's. My only other loss to a death was 1 friend who died in a car accident almost 20 years ago and an ex's mother who treated me and my daughter better than my own.

I know for some, the loss of a friendship may not seem that bad but for me today, it really sucks!

For all of you dealing with grief, no matter what the cause, I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you peace within your heart!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Grief comes from all kinds of loss. It can be from the loss of a child, a spouse, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, to the end of a relationship, or even the death of a beloved pet. It also is when you are helping someone die from a terminal illness or old age. Grief just hits you like small waves crashing on a beach, and then sometimes the waves are huge and come out of no where, like a rogue wave. Then there are waves that a small, and you can walk thru them enjoying the coolness of the water. Then there are waves that take your breath away, drag you under the water, and you end up with sand in your crotch.

No matter who or what the situation is, you have to come to terms with the loss. You have to find a way to live, and enjoy your life again.

Let me give an example here. My sister's youngest son is 15 yo, and is developmentally delayed. He has no interest in driving a car. None. He cannot hold down a job. He will be living with his father for the remainder of his life. He has not grieved the loss of his mother yet. He is seeing a psychiatrist 3x a week. He just has not been able to express his loss. In fact, he has no clue as to what happened to her. Trying to explain to him that cancer killed his mother just has not been easy. In fact, we all have tried. We are leaving it up to the psychiatrist to do it now. It proves that some are able to handle death, and some just are not. No matter what the issue is at hand, death is a strange topic to grasp. Death is final. It doesn't scare me or the afterlife. In fact, I look forward to it. I think we are all just passing thru here.

I pray for those who have died, and those who are passing over. I think it is a welcome relief. The hard part is for those who remain behind imho.

[Liquefaction]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

Death is final. It doesn't scare me or the afterlife. In fact, I look forward to it. I think we are all just passing thru here.

I pray for those who have died, and those who are passing over. I think it is a welcome relief. The hard part is for those who remain behind imho.

I am in no hurry to leave this life because I want to see how this all turns out but I too am looking forward to the next great adventure. What a ride that will be!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Yes, you are so right about that. My younger brother committed and completed suicide when he was just 15 yo. I can't believe this year will be his 30th year anniversary. He is finally at peace.

Life is wayy to short. I always make sure to tell everyone that I love them all the time. It is just how I am now. Some people take offense to this, but they are the ones who skip thru life without any bumps or buises. Then there are those of us who have to literally pick ourselves up from our bootstraps and put one foot in front of the other.

Peace,
Andrew

[violaine]

[QUOTE=Andrew, Jr.;57121][SIZE="2"]Grief comes from all kinds of loss. It can be from the loss of a child, a spouse, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a cousin, to the end of a relationship, or even the death of a beloved pet. It also is when you are helping someone die from a terminal illness or old age. Grief just hits you like small waves crashing on a beach, and then sometimes the waves are huge and come out of no where, like a rogue wave.

or from the loss of a friend, and news arrives belatedly, sixteen days after the crash.

[Andrew, Jr.]

At my nieces wedding there was a picture of my sister on the alter. It was surrounded by red roses. It was really done tastefully. When her boys came in and saw it, they smiled ear to ear. They told me that it was like their Mom wasn't forgotten. Their father did not bring a date - thank God. It would have been a bit too much imho. We all want him to go back and date, but with what had transpired over the picture and the wedding, no. It was a bit too much for the kids to handle.

When you loose someone, it is a different reality. The relationship changes, obviously. You do go on living. However, you don't forget that person, and you don't loose sight of what they meant to you.

Peace,
Andrew