Important things I learned from past relationships

Arwen · 10-08-2012, 12:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Medusa

And see, I have a very different take on the "once a ____, always a _____" because I do believe people can change.

I think that people sometimes get caught up in their own junk and keep repeating patterns but I do think that people can also have an epiphany and say to themselves "Wow, I don't want to live my life this way anymore".

I'm certainly one of those people.

While it takes a lot of work to break patterns and make changes, it *is* possible. I think it's hard to accept sometimes because there are a lot of folks in this world who make it to their 50's and 60's and still don't know how to tell the truth or live authentically. And somehow, folks who want to keep lying to people or deceiving them or hustling them are always the ones at the end of the day sitting around going, "I dont know why my life is in shambles" or "I dont know why *everyone* is out to get me!!".

That's really sad to me.

The positive is that people who really want to change, can. I'm a fan of "Watch how I live" in this case. You can tell me all day long that you are "changed" but until I see you actually *being* changed, I'll keep my distance!

What I've learned is that people can change but I had to change first. The patterns in my own relationships were due to my choices. Not one of them said I had to be with them or else.

I chose them.

Once I identified my bad choices, I was able to take responsibility for my own actions.

Once I took responsibility for my own actions, I was able to make different choices.

Once I made better choices, I was able to have relationships that, even when ended, were left to the mellow notes of friendship rather than the bitter dregs of "they hurt me".

For me, it's been my choice all along. Once I realized that, it was a different world.

girl_dee · 10-08-2012, 01:17 PM

People can change! one thing i have learned since Katrina is not to sweat the small stuff and to pick my battles.

Another thing is that circumstances change. Like if i had my overbearing mother living with me, was fighting an addiction and
my housing and finances are not stable it's probably not a good time to move
someone in. I always thought love could fix all but even the best love struggles
under outside stress.

Getting settled and grounded before inviting someone
in is only fair to everyone.

10-08-2012, 01:17 PM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,833 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474873	People can change! one thing i have learned since Katrina is not to sweat the small stuff and to pick my battles. Another thing is that circumstances change. Like if i had my overbearing mother living with me, was fighting an addiction and my housing and finances are not stable it's probably not a good time to move someone in. I always thought love could fix all but even the best love struggles under outside stress. Getting settled and grounded before inviting someone in is only fair to everyone.