Important things I learned from past relationships

macele · 10-08-2012, 02:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PinkieLee

Some things I have learned and continue to learn every single day....

#1 rule... you've gotta love yourself before you can love anyone else! YOU have to be happy with you ~ no one can do that for you!

Communication... say what you mean and mean what you say. No passive aggressive or mindreading bullshit, tell me what you want/need.

Speak up when something is bothering you! Even if you think it's small or petty, those little things can add up quick in your head and you start feeling resentful.

Having hobbies outside of the relationship. Just because I don't like to golf, doesn't mean she should give it up. And I won't drag her to any jewelry making classes

We are all individuals with likes and dislikes... we should embrace that!

this post by PinkieLee pretty much says it all. a friend told me a long time ago that if it's just a box of cereal that is mine, ... let there be something in the house that belongs to only me. we do, we need our space and our things.

i am a quote addict, so i'm going to leave you all with two. now the second one, i like to think RuPaul is meaning that we should speak up ... say what is bothering us in a relationship. sometimes we have to get loud about it. since i try to never let anyone hear me say mf, ... it's being typed, you all are not hearing me say that LOL.

“If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else!”
― RuPaul

“My goal is to always come from a place of love ...but sometimes you just have to break it down for a motherfucker.”
― RuPaul

StrongButch · 10-08-2012, 03:54 PM

That even if you love someone sometimes you have to walk away.

10-08-2012, 04:37 PM

If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.

Change is possible for anyone. Wholesale change at that. I'm reminded of it every time I attend a recovery meeting.

and in the age of the internet...

Anyone can talk a good life/love/hardluck-story game but you gotta follow them home...in a non-stalkerish, metaphorical sorta way ... to find out the real truth of how they live their life. More simply, don't take everything you're told on face value until you've seen it for yourself in on a consistent basis in real life. No matter how compatible they sound for you.

Nomad · 10-08-2012, 04:44 PM

i've learned that breaking up leaves an empty spot inside of you when it's the right thing to do and leaves you feeling empty inside when it's not

FemmeBibliophile · 10-09-2012, 08:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

That even if you love someone sometimes you have to walk away.

This is very true. Sometimes it's what's best for you, and sometimes it's what's best for them (even if they themselves can't see it).

Bèsame* · 10-09-2012, 08:31 AM

Things I've learned..and still learning..

I am not the fixer. I spent too many years trying to fix you, change you to be the better person you can be. What I learned about that, you are who you are. I'm not going to settle for bad habits or traits I don't like. I can only change myself. So I choose to change and not accept those things.

Trust. No matter how convincing you sound, I will always be waiting for the shoe to drop. Naive as it seems, I have trusted to much and it rips me up in the end. You will always have to earn my trust. Thus, the wall around my heart.

*Anya* · 10-09-2012, 08:45 AM

I have no words of wisdom for anyone else since I have none for myself.

Yet.

Still working on it, as well as insight not gained to date.

BoDy*ShOt · 10-09-2012, 09:06 AM

my family is just as important as hers.

Semantics · 10-09-2012, 09:13 AM

Be mindful of every precedent set early on when you're distracted by the newness, because they all become part of the relationship's foundation.

Only take responsibility for your own part in things, because once you take responsibility for the other person's piece you've then set a precedent and they'll expect you to do it forever. I hate to compare a relationship to a legal case, but there can be some sad similarities between the two, and anyone who's been on trial within their relationship knows what I mean.

Gráinne · 10-09-2012, 10:17 AM

It's fine to take up or show an interest in your partner's interests. That's how we grow and try new things. The danger is if you give up all of your interests for your partner's, if you sense she's not into yours, just to seem more compatible. Or, if you take on activities and values that aren't yours instead of standing for your own.

Don't become a clone of your partner; maintain your own friends and activities no matter how many interests you have in common.

10-08-2012, 03:54 PM	#2
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Lessons learned That even if you love someone sometimes you have to walk away.

10-08-2012, 04:37 PM	#3
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. Change is possible for anyone. Wholesale change at that. I'm reminded of it every time I attend a recovery meeting. and in the age of the internet... Anyone can talk a good life/love/hardluck-story game but you gotta follow them home...in a non-stalkerish, metaphorical sorta way ... to find out the real truth of how they live their life. More simply, don't take everything you're told on face value until you've seen it for yourself in on a consistent basis in real life. No matter how compatible they sound for you.

10-09-2012, 08:31 AM	#6
Bèsame* Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femm Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: loved by many Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: Closer to the waves Posts: 15,395 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,147 Thanked 40,964 Times in 10,745 Posts Rep Power: 21474865	Things I've learned..and still learning.. I am not the fixer. I spent too many years trying to fix you, change you to be the better person you can be. What I learned about that, you are who you are. I'm not going to settle for bad habits or traits I don't like. I can only change myself. So I choose to change and not accept those things. Trust. No matter how convincing you sound, I will always be waiting for the shoe to drop. Naive as it seems, I have trusted to much and it rips me up in the end. You will always have to earn my trust. Thus, the wall around my heart. __________________ kisses A kiss is a whisper in your mouth. Can I borrow a kiss? I promise to give it back.

10-09-2012, 08:45 AM	#7
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,447 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Accepting responsibility for Me: I have no words of wisdom for anyone else since I have none for myself. Yet. Still working on it, as well as insight not gained to date. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

10-09-2012, 09:06 AM	#8
BoDyShOt Member How Do You Identify?: Queer. Femme. Preferred Pronoun?: girl ones Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Twin Cities Posts: 1,020 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,460 Thanked 2,096 Times in 532 Posts Rep Power*: 21474853	my family is just as important as hers. __________________ ...not your average betty.

10-08-2012, 04:44 PM	#4
Nomad Timed Out How Do You Identify?: stone femme Daddy's girl Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: disinterested Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: in my head Posts: 991 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,848 Thanked 3,745 Times in 734 Posts Rep Power: 0	i've learned that breaking up leaves an empty spot inside of you when it's the right thing to do and leaves you feeling empty inside when it's not

10-09-2012, 09:13 AM	#9
Semantics Senior Member How Do You Identify?: malapropist Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New England Posts: 2,169 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,367 Thanked 3,968 Times in 1,201 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	stare decisis Be mindful of every precedent set early on when you're distracted by the newness, because they all become part of the relationship's foundation. Only take responsibility for your own part in things, because once you take responsibility for the other person's piece you've then set a precedent and they'll expect you to do it forever. I hate to compare a relationship to a legal case, but there can be some sad similarities between the two, and anyone who's been on trial within their relationship knows what I mean.

10-09-2012, 10:17 AM	#10
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,864 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,117 Thanked 7,386 Times in 1,457 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	It's fine to take up or show an interest in your partner's interests. That's how we grow and try new things. The danger is if you give up all of your interests for your partner's, if you sense she's not into yours, just to seem more compatible. Or, if you take on activities and values that aren't yours instead of standing for your own. Don't become a clone of your partner; maintain your own friends and activities no matter how many interests you have in common. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck