Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[Darbonaire]

I notice attractiveness first....can't deny it...eyes, hair, tits, femininity....BUT, if there is disturst, or i feel any sort of uncomfortable feeling at all...then I step back & address that inside myself.......I believe there are people out there who "look" the part & fall VERY sort of damn near even being classified as human.....lol....but, I really want to get to know someone from now on. I want honesty....don't be who you think I want you to be...be who you really are & we'll take it from there......there's always room for friendships....always !

[Nomad]

as a woman who has never been attractive, i always wonder what people see when they look at me. and then i back up on that thought because there are times when i really dont want to know. there are also times when what people see (or think) when they see me is clearly visible in their expressions.

my father used to tell me (when i would cry about being unattractive) that there was nothing anyone could do to make me feel better about the way i looked except me. to this day i agree with him, but i still havent managed to feel any better about the way i look. what i've managed to do is tell myself "at least i know that when i'm appreciated by someone it's for something more significant than physical attractiveness." my father also used to say something like 'the way you make other people feel is what they'll see when they look at you.' it's a sobering memory today, 35 years later, when i look back on a life not necessarily well lived. there arent that many people who will 'see' something bad when they think about how i make them feel but there are some and that's kind of disturbing because i hate the idea of making people feel badly. or maybe it's my ego that hates the idea. regardless, i take comfort in my only saving grace ---> knowing that i didnt put effort into making someone feel badly on purpose.

when i think of how my physical attractiveness (or lack thereof) has changed over the years i realize that with age i have come to appreciate more about myself physically, while at the same time bemoaning the fact that what i have the maturity to appreciate now is being ravaged by gravity. (translation: i dislike seeing my mother looking back at me when i look in the mirror) but mostly because i dont want to look like anyone else. i want to look like me. (ok. i wouldnt mind looking like Adele for a week ----- just sayin') i'm more able to appreciate a lot of things about myself now, certainly more than i could appreciate 10, 20, 30 years ago when my age automatically gave me a leg up on the cultural attractiveness scale. now that i'm close to 50 i keep crossing my fingers that old and quirky looking fat girls will be "in" soon. i'd like to see women like me be the definition of beauty according to cultural standards, just once. or maybe, just maybe, it's time for a new culture.

[Ciaran]

I am attracted, at least initially, by looks.

However, it's difficult for me to articulate that in any meaningful way as, for me, I don't have a defined "type". I tend to be physically attracted to only a small proportion of women. However, other than that they look on the feminine side of the scale, they could be large, small, dark haired, blonde, curvy or less curvy. Therefore, my initial attraction seems rather sporadic and random. Quite why I'm initially attracted to one person rather than another I'm not sure.

As regards making it meaningful. I don't need intelligence - at least not in any sort of academic way. In fact, it can be a turn-off to me. Such people often try my patience. However, I do need intelligence in a broader, common sense manner and, more so, the person needs to be reasonably aware of the world around them (whether we agree on what should be done about the burning issues of the day or not; inevitably, we don't).

Personality-wise, at least for me, opposites attract. I'm rather dour, conservative, staunch, judgemental and incredibly guttural. I find that I am attracted to much lighter, more fun-loving personalities. Also, my ideal partner has that blend of strength and vulnerability. Interestingly, whilst I'd usually see them as positive traits, those I'm attracted to are not necessarily nice or kind.

Attraction is a combination of the above for me and sometimes, though not too often, it comes together in a package. I don't have many absolutes

[Gráinne]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

I am attracted, at least initially, by looks.

However, it's difficult for me to articulate that in any meaningful way as, for me, I don't have a defined "type". I tend to be physically attracted to only a small proportion of women. However, other than that they look on the feminine side of the scale, they could be large, small, dark haired, blonde, curvy or less curvy. Therefore, my initial attraction seems rather sporadic and random. Quite why I'm initially attracted to one person rather than another I'm not sure.

As regards making it meaningful. I don't need intelligence - at least not in any sort of academic way. In fact, it can be a turn-off to me. Such people often try my patience. However, I do need intelligence in a broader, common sense manner and, more so, the person needs to be reasonably aware of the world around them (whether we agree on what should be done about the burning issues of the day or not; inevitably, we don't).

Personality-wise, at least for me, opposites attract. I'm rather dour, conservative, staunch, judgemental and incredibly guttural. I find that I am attracted to much lighter, more fun-loving personalities. Also, my ideal partner has that blend of strength and vulnerability. Interestingly, whilst I'd usually see them as positive traits, those I'm attracted to are not necessarily nice or kind.

Attraction is a combination of the above for me and sometimes, though not too often, it comes together in a package. I don't have many absolutes

Now I realize I forgot to answer the original question , which was "what attracts you, and why?"

Short answer: I have no idea. It's so very random.

Long answer (and you knew it was coming):

Looks: When I first came out, I had no idea of the butch-femme community, but interestingly, my first partner was a more masculine-looking woman (although she did not call herself butch). I find many of my feminine-looking friends wildly beautiful, but it doesn't translate into a sexual attraction for them (they're mostly straight :P).

I guess as the process of coming out proceeded, and I found a "niche" in b-f, then gradually an attraction to ever more masculine looks and energy emerged. But within that caveat, there's no preference as to size or hair. I like taller than me, but the world is taller than I am. Other than that, I've no rhyme or reason.

Intelligence (since this seems a big one): I too have found that many very book-smart people are insufferable know-it-alls, and I hope never to be one. There's nothing wrong with book smarts in itself, but arrogance turns me right off like a faucet. I have also known superbly book-smart people who are cultural and world-events dummies.

I like a broad spectrum of topics to talk about, without feeling like someone is "talking down" at me. I'm no expert in politics in America, let alone any other country, but someone willing to discuss things and help me "fill in the blanks" is very attractive.

I don't want a carbon-copy of myself with regards to interests, but I want interests beyond trash TV and celebrities in tabloids. Ask me obscure questions or questions that make me think, and I'm right there . Whether or not I've met you in person, I need to sense strong general intelligence and down-to-earthness for attraction to happen. This is not the same as an intellectual snob.

Personality: I like a wry sense of humor. I need someone who can make me laugh, and who can take good-natured banter. I'm actually drawn to more serious people than myself. I think that counterpart grounds me and is calming. I'm attracted to someone who's allergic to drama and who is a steadying influence to my emotionality. That said, I need someone who is actually aware of their emotions, not shut down. I need some sense of vulnerability, of softness. Gentleness.

Every time I try to define my type, though, it just doesn't work. Who knows?

[Rockinonahigh]

What attracts me to someone is a hard thing to put a finger on.sometimes its the wild woman who trpis my switch or the sly wishful look with a cute smile that makes me wonder if she is so much the little girl,or the woman who is on a power play..they need to be carefull because I have and will bite.What really helps is dont be afraid to look me in the eyes,talk to me about anything cause im a reader and deep thinker a poet and ex wild child that finely lerned to be human...sorta.I do have souther gentle ways learned from a long line of southern gentle people.Now on the other hand I really don't have any idea what people see when they look at me,sometimes I would like to be able to look though theire eyes and see for my self.