This side of Heaven

[Sweet Bliss]

Like most folks, I've had my share of reality checks, the only difference between us is probably how much they were written for.......

[Sweet Bliss]

I long to hear your voice again
telling me about your day
Laughing with you, teasing too
oh, my love, how I miss you.

Dark curls frame your smokey eyes
draw me close, I clench my thighs
my dreams seem real, no surprise
embrace me til next morning rise.

[Sweet Bliss]

Flitting through my mind today
thinking bout' just what I'd say
if you walked up by my way
I heard a birdie, "not that way".

Humm, thought I,
what does she spy?
another train wreck?
another cry?

So I sat down beneath a tree,
feeling like I should breathe,
slowly, calmly, like a breeze,
to stop the shakin' in my knees.

As I watched the birds chit chat
I thought about if they like cats.
Then it hit me, just like that,
I can take another path.

[Sweet Bliss]

It's the new year, read somewhere that it's the year of the snake according to the Chinese calendar. Rumor has it that whatever you are doing on new years eve, is what you will be doing for the next year. Boy is that a scary thought.

Guess that means that again I will be adrift in a sea of change. Was sorta liking being in one place, and now that has changed, with another reminder that I will be on the road again sooner than I had hoped.

It's all good. I really enjoy meeting new people, sharing tips for travel and ideas for better simpler living. The toughest part I think is that in leaving this time my expectations are much less about people and more about what I can expect from myself. Look at it this way, how can we expect things from others, when we can't reach the expectation for ourselves? Kinda silly don't ya think?

So back to the drawing board, throwing out the bath water sans baby, gonna close my eyes and spin three times and point to the map. That's where I'll be.

[Sweet Bliss]

Teetering lime on crystal edge
grains of salt, Cuervo's sting
stars fall to disappear
wondering wishing he was here.

Skipping stones on silent lakes
lighting fires ringed with smoke
burning loins swollen lips
wondering wishing he was here.

Pulling ropes of hemp so taut
scrubbing off his touch so light
raw tender scorching tears
wondering wishing he was here

[Sweet Bliss]

For now, just rest, feel my comfort,
safe are thee inside with me,
Nest awhile, receive a peace.

Filling quiet spaces gently,
Lean thy head upon my breasts,
Warmed by strength,
Empowered with knowing,
The knowing of thee.

Trusting thy touch, thy voice, thy power
Safely harbored within my heart,
Encircled by arms warm and tender,
uplifted by souls sweet surrender.

Embraced by song, of souls entwining.
Feel in me the strength from thee,
See in me the power from thee,
Touch in me the center of being,
Join with me in explosive surrender,

Place your sword within my sheath,
Breastplate to breastplate shield to shield,
Kneel at your feet prepared to yield
Prepared for battle, knowing defeat,
Accepting none but one -
Defeat of fear.

[Sweet Bliss]

As i sit here on the front porch i can see the lights of the valley below me sending out their last bit of twinkle, letting me know that all is well and running smoothly. Somewhere along the Rio Grande River Valley is my precious youngest granddaughter to the south of me and to the north along the same valley is my oldest granddaughter and two grandsons. To my left, too far to see is Arizona, where my son is probably taking a shower and getting ready to attend his college classes and swigging a cup of coffee, straight, grabbing his backpack and heading for the University. My daughter is probably letting the dog out to tinkle just like Yoda just did, and as she stands in the doorway waiting for him to find the perfect spot, she is probably thinking about all the things she has to get done today before my granddaughter awakens demanding to be held and wanting cereal.

The moon is setting in the western horizon, a kind of orange glowing ball, it is sliding behind the west mesa as i write this for you. i'm feeling kind of melancholy this morning, not sure why. My ceramic Goddess is watching to the south, silently standing in the chilly air. She is simplicity. As i sit next to her i am reminded of all the women who have come before me, the women who share this time on earth with me, and the ones who will arrive after we are gone. The First Mother, what challenges did she face? Did she know she was the First Mother? Her DNA beginning the wheel of humanity, civilization, culture? Did she i wonder, cry at the birth of her first child, cry at the death of another. Did she mate for life or was she a member of a tribe where intimacies were openly shared with all? Did she bare her soul to the Moon or the Sun, or were the Mountains that sheltered her the foundation of her awakening sense of self? Did she intimately connect with the Earth that recorded her steps and passage, memorizing the details of each plant she tested, each berry nibbled and each fiber woven into the texture of her world? Did she have visions of a future she didn't understand?

Morning Sun is arising behind me, the mesa to the west is no longer sharing the twinkling lights of the valley. the roar of the freeway is getting louder, and the hum of tires and pounding of the asphalt is familiar and irritating at the same time... the quiet solitude of my childhood is a faded memory, i recall little of that time. The sleepy village in France, with the smell of bread baking before dawn can still be recalled in my mind if i concentrate really really hard. It was the only place on earth where i felt at home. Not knowing that it would be over 40 years before i would discover it was my the home of my ancestors. I want to see it again before my time here is done. I am grateful that my mother was an aspiring artist and created many works of art while we lived there. There is a painting of the little old lady with the stooped back feeding her chickens and ducks across the creek with her thatched roofed home behind her nestled under an ancient tree. The happiest time of my life was spent by that creek. Each morning upon waking i meditate as i drink in the visual reminder my mother gifted me.

While you sleep safe and warm in our shared nest, i remember when we first met. You were with her and i was with hym.....i was thinking how i wish i could walk in her shoes for just an hour, The tenderness and compassion and love you gave her so freely, expecting nothing in return showed me that the love i craved was possible. I never dreamed you saw the same in me until you shared your secret longing during our pillow talk time. Every moment spent with you is a jewel that i tuck away in my heart, the ease with which you care for me is proof that loving is a natural state for you, i'm so grateful to be a part of your life and receive the gift of love compassion and tenderness that is you.

When you awake i will pour your coffee for you in one of the Goddess cups i made years ago. Her plump figure, round soft breasts that feed the world, and the tiny feet she stands on tippy toe to kiss your forehead and bless you, will warm your hands as we sit out here on the porch sharing our morning thoughts, holding hands across the table.