FTM place to vent and talk

BrutalDaddy · 10-29-2012, 03:40 PM

Damn I love this thread. Seriously guys. Y'all have no idea just how much it is enlightening me and giving me courage to face my own demons, hopes, aspirations and desires.

Because of this thread, I am feeling a connection that I haven't felt with another guy(s) in a long time, if ever. It's like I get so wrapped up in my every day struggles that I tend to forget others go through the exact same struggle every day of their own lives. That I am not the only FTM out there who is viewed based on what gender they physically born into, regardless of how much it doesn't match up with what our brain and soul sees. I totally got the above but sometimes I let my own "suffering" become my center focus until I forget that I am not alone.

Often I'd find myself looking at pics of FTMs and wishing I could just "look like that". Weatherboi, your post brought reality screaming back to me and I am so fucking grateful to you for that. Thank you from bottom of my heart for sharing that about yourself. Thank you to all of you who are sharing. It's like chicken soup for the trans soul. Lol. Even when I didn't realize I needed to hear it. For years I struggled with addiction. Anything that'd make me not have to think about what I look like or what society sees. Anger and resentment towards the world were my close friends. Still are sometimes if I'm not careful.

Okay seriously am rambling so will shut up for now but one last thing before I do. Weatherboi, I couldn't rep you again for some reason so I'll just say it here. Your post about dysphoria made me tear up because I can relate with every fiber of my being. Thank you and I look forward to meeting you as well as all the other guys one day.

Loving This Thread,
Brute.

Greyson · 10-29-2012, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BrutalDyke

Damn I love this thread. Seriously guys. Y'all have no idea just how much it is enlightening me and giving me courage to face my own demons, hopes, aspirations and desires.

Because of this thread, I am feeling a connection that I haven't felt with another guy(s) in a long time, if ever. It's like I get so wrapped up in my every day struggles that I tend to forget others go through the exact same struggle every day of their own lives. That I am not the only FTM out there who is viewed based on what gender they physically born into, regardless of how much it doesn't match up with what our brain and soul sees. I totally got the above but sometimes I let my own "suffering" become my center focus until I forget that I am not alone.

Often I'd find myself looking at pics of FTMs and wishing I could just "look like that". Weatherboi, your post brought reality screaming back to me and I am so fucking grateful to you for that. Thank you from bottom of my heart for sharing that about yourself. Thank you to all of you who are sharing. It's like chicken soup for the trans soul. Lol. Even when I didn't realize I needed to hear it. For years I struggled with addiction. Anything that'd make me not have to think about what I look like or what society sees. Anger and resentment towards the world were my close friends. Still are sometimes if I'm not careful.
Okay seriously am rambling so will shut up for now but one last thing before I do. Weatherboi, I couldn't rep you again for some reason so I'll just say it here. Your post about dysphoria made me tear up because I can relate with every fiber of my being. Thank you and I look forward to meeting you as well as all the other guys one day.

Loving This Thread,
Brute.

Brutal, thanks for opening up more. I don't think I have ever seen you post as much like I have in the last few days. It's great getting to know some of you guys in a much more below the surface way.

Addiction, anger management, domestic violence in our community is something I have ponder for a few years. Another very sensitive area.

BrutalDaddy · 10-29-2012, 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyson

Brutal, thanks for opening up more. I don't think I have ever seen you post as much like I have in the last few days. It's great getting to know some of you guys in a much more below the surface way.

Addiction, anger management, domestic violence in our community is something I have ponder for a few years. Another very sensitive area.

Thanks Greyson. I feel like I'm babbling all over the place. Lol. I completely agree with it being great getting to know others on a deeper level.

You know what, you're right. Those are issues I have never seen discussed here or on other site for that matter. Well except friend of Bill W. thread. Always thought I was an addict cause I wasn't a good person. When in reality it is because I couldn't cope with the reality of my situation which is I was born in the wrong body for whatever reason.

Awesome Points,
Brute.

weatherboi · 10-29-2012, 04:20 PM

It is funny you bring up anger management and domestic violence. I recently heard of an acquaintance that is struggling and after asking around about resources and talking to friends have realized the need for resources tackling these very problems you mention. I believe but have no statistics to back it up that these problems may be on the rise within our community. It is definitely something to examine.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyson

Brutal, thanks for opening up more. I don't think I have ever seen you post as much like I have in the last few days. It's great getting to know some of you guys in a much more below the surface way.

Addiction, anger management, domestic violence in our community is something I have ponder for a few years. Another very sensitive area.

DMW · 10-29-2012, 05:24 PM

Hello All,

I am going to put this FAQ post in the thread so that i have a quick reference to the TOS and for a personal reminder. In addition, others within this thread can see it and use it too.

I am glad that people have been enjoying the thread. Thank you for
all of your postitive Thank you notes.

And wow, i will never catch up to reading all of these...

Reporting Posts - FAQ
Hi Folks -

We've had a couple of issues pop up over the last several weeks with reported posts so I wanted to post a thread with a few reminders:

1. When To Report a Post

You can report a post anywhere on the forums *except* for the Red Zone. The Red Zone is set up as a non-moderated area and we will not respond to or moderate posts in that area unless someone has made a threat of some kind.

You may choose to report posts that are against the TOS or that you think are harmful to the community in some way.

Please remember that if you see a post that really pisses you off, you have a choice to either engage directly with the person who made it OR you can report it but if you do both, we more than likely will not moderate your report.

2. What Admins and Moderators "See" on the Site

We have in excess of 1000 posts per day here, sometimes a lot more than that. Please remember that the Admins and Moderators do not see every post that has been made on the site so you should not assume that we saw a post and are "ok" with whatever was posted.

We have encountered several situations where someone gets moderated and then replies to us with "Well, so and so said x, y, z last week and you did nothing so this isn't fair!".
My first question to you will be, "Did you report the post?"
If you did not report the post, then please do not assume we saw it.

3. Against the TOS/ Not Against the TOS

Our TOS is pretty clear but there will be times that issues are more of a gray area and we have to use our best judgment on what to moderate.

Things like hateful postings, racist or sizist posts, or things that are blatantly ugly will, unquestionably, be moderated.

Other things like passive-aggressive postings or "poking"-type posts will be dealt with provided we can clearly determine that one member is targeting another.
If you report a post and have to draw us a map or give us lots of explanation or 5 years of history to convince us that the post is about you, we more than likely will not moderate it.

For example:

We *will* moderate this post:
Person A: "My most recent ex girlfriend ate kittens every morning and then crapped her pants on the way to work!"

This post would get moderated if you and your "ex" were posting love notes to each other a week ago on the site or had identifying information in profiles such as "Medusa's Lover!" so that people would know that you were talking about Medusa in the post above.

We *will not* moderate this post:
Person A: "I can't stand shrimp soup. It makes me gag!"

If you report the post and tell us that you and person A had shrimp soup on your first date and that they are only posting it to poke at you, then how would anyone but you and the other person know that?

We get that people can be very crafty with posting things under the wire and we will not always be able to moderate those things.
Our litmus test is to read the post in a vaccuum and ask ourselves: "Would this post catch our attention if we didn't know the backstory?"

If you find that someone is poking at you but doing it under the wire, please put them on ignore. Our biggest trouble is getting people who do not like one another to put each other on ignore.

With all this being said, we do not want people behaving like assholes and jabbing at their exes and trying to be so sneaky that they think nobody else will know. If it comes down to us seeing a trail of posts that are "borderline", that person will probably be getting a note from us.

4. Response Time for Moderations

If you report a post, PLEASE consider that the Admins and Moderators will get to it as soon as they can. If we are very busy in our personal lives or if there have been a bunch of reported posts lately, it might take up to a day for us to respond. We generally try to respond to reports as soon as they happen but this is not always possible and we appreciate people being patient.

If you report a post and don't get a response within a couple of hours or haven't seen us address it publically, please do not assume you are being "ignored" or that your post isnt being looked at. Sometimes we are just stuck in meetings, or asleep, or busy tapping down drama that never makes it to the front page of the site.

5. Gallery and Chat Reports

If something happens in the chat room and you think we need to know about it, please contact us with the usernames of the people involved and the date and time that it happened.
Jackhammer reviews the chat logs every morning and we have been addressing some issues in private. Scorp is our chat room Moderator and you can contact her with any concerns via private message or feel free to send your concerns to me or any of the other Moderators.

If you need to report a gallery photo, there is a "report photo" button on every picture. Please remember that nudity of any kind is not allowed in our galleries or in photo threads.

I hope that this helps! As always, we are open for questions or clarifications and appreciate all of you!

Thanks!
Angie
__________________
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Greyson · 10-29-2012, 06:12 PM

weatherboi, I am unsure if domestic violence and anger management issues are on the rise or if it is much more openly talked about in the Queer community. Back in the 80s I went into a Lesbian Recovery Residential Program in Los Angeles. There was an assumption that "Butches" were most likely the offenders in regards to violence and I have heard similar reasoning in regards to FTMs being excessively aggressive as a result of taking T.

I don't want to get into the blame game. I do want to bring these topics out of the closet and discussed openly. I have observed some cultural differences in what one might consider violence. I am not talking about physical violence. I am talking about things like yelling verses talking. Face gestures, body language.

Domestic Violence does exist in the LGBTQ Community. How can we change it? I don't think it is as easy as shunning a person or persons of a specific gender or gender expression. Abusers do not deserve to be placated with no consequences.I think there should be restitution by the abuser and rehabilitation for some, not all.

I suspect there are members here that have hit, and emotionally abused their partners. I do not believe that is necessarily something they want to examine and come out with it. BTW, a few years back there was a couple in Texas. It was a Transman that was charged with the murder of his femme partner. I believe they were members with many of us over on the old site. Did anyone ever follow up on this? Did our community learn anything from this tragedy?

Quote:

Originally Posted by weatherboi

It is funny you bring up anger management and domestic violence. I recently heard of an acquaintance that is struggling and after asking around about resources and talking to friends have realized the need for resources tackling these very problems you mention. I believe but have no statistics to back it up that these problems may be on the rise within our community. It is definitely something to examine.

weatherboi · 10-29-2012, 06:54 PM

Greyson, I am unsure to, this is why I stated that I was merely guessing. I think it is a combination of both rising populations within the trans community and people are talking about it more hence the experience I spoke about. I stopped long ago allowing myself to feed into the myth that T makes guys aggressive, I am pretty sure that the abusive nature was there long before the T. I think that all genders can be perpetrators of domestic violence but since I am FTM I am gonna stick to my gender. I am not sure what you mean by the blame game. I do not see anybody here blaming anybody for anything when it comes to domestic violence and let me be perfectly clear. I won't take this space and use it as a place to try and debunk myths or truths that people are too scared to tackle. If we wanna talk about DV then let's stick to our gender. Cultural differences I can deal with but speaking about other genders here pertaining to domestic violence not so much. I don't know if I am comfortable speaking of that couple. It is a sensitive topic for many and some people here were friends with her.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyson

weatherboi, I am unsure if domestic violence and anger management issues are on the rise or if it is much more openly talked about in the Queer community. Back in the 80s I went into a Lesbian Recovery Residential Program in Los Angeles. There was an assumption that "Butches" were most likely the offenders in regards to violence and I have heard similar reasoning in regards to FTMs being excessively aggressive as a result of taking T.

I don't want to get into the blame game. I do want to bring these topics out of the closet and discussed openly. I have observed some cultural differences in what one might consider violence. I am not talking about physical violence. I am talking about things like yelling verses talking. Face gestures, body language.

Domestic Violence does exist in the LGBTQ Community. How can we change it? I don't think it is as easy as shunning a person or persons of a specific gender or gender expression. Abusers do not deserve to be placated with no consequences.I think there should be restitution by the abuser and rehabilitation for some, not all.

I suspect there are members here that have hit, and emotionally abused their partners. I do not believe that is necessarily something they want to examine and come out with it. BTW, a few years back there was a couple in Texas. It was a Transman that was charged with the murder of his femme partner. I believe they were members with many of us over on the old site. Did anyone ever follow up on this? Did our community learn anything from this tragedy?

Greyson · 10-29-2012, 07:09 PM

weatherboi, my apologies. I was not implying any of the posts were doing the blame game. I want to try and stay away from that slippery slope. I do know I still have bruised feelings about things that took place 20 - 30 years ago and if I allow it, I can get into the "blame game" myself. I don't think expressing my anger about such perceived injustices, snarks really adds much to the talking, analysis, unpacking that we do here as a community. Again, my apologies. I was not saying you or anyone is "blaming."

As for a sensitive topic, I understand. You do not need to comment. I did not give their online names or their "real time" names. My point is I really want others who are newer to all of this, to get it, cut to the chase. These things can and do happen. Many of our conversations here are not based in make believe.

Quote:

Originally Posted by weatherboi

Greyson, I am unsure to, this is why I stated that I was merely guessing. I think it is a combination of both rising populations within the trans community and people are talking about it more hence the experience I spoke about. I stopped long ago allowing myself to feed into the myth that T makes guys aggressive, I am pretty sure that the abusive nature was there long before the T. I think that all genders can be perpetrators of domestic violence but since I am FTM I am gonna stick to my gender. I am not sure what you mean by the blame game. I do not see anybody here blaming anybody for anything when it comes to domestic violence and let me be perfectly clear. I won't take this space and use it as a place to try and debunk myths or truths that people are too scared to tackle. If we wanna talk about DV then let's stick to our gender. Cultural differences I can deal with but speaking about other genders here pertaining to domestic violence not so much. I don't know if I am comfortable speaking of that couple. It is a sensitive topic for many and some people here were friends with her.

DMW · 11-05-2012, 06:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ahk

Actually, I am tired of being mis-gendered, being referred to as "lady" or "ma'am" -- I don't get it. My voice is significantly deeper than my wife's voice, I dress nothing like a "lady" or a "ma'am", I walk different, I hold myself more masculine, but I'm still "ma'am'd"-- What gives?

( I really feel like I am in the "betweener" stage of transition (it sucks) actually )

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruffryder

Yeah I don't get that either. I can walk a mile and two different people will address me differently, one as ma'am, one as sir. . and it baffles me to hell. That's why I say I look at what I wear, what I'm doing at the moment, etc.. to try and figure it the hell out. Same as on the telephone. So now, I just try to speak deeper. lmfao! If all else fails, confuse the hell out of them!

Quote:

Originally Posted by Julien

I can relate to the betweener stage as you put it. I get ma'am or sir depending on the person be it a man or woman. I think that men tend to sir me more often than women. It is embarrassing for them and awkward for me when they double check Me for sex markers ie breasts and change the sir to a ma'am. I'd be happy if they just left it like it was to begin with. Gender policing as I see it, especially in the South were ma'am and sir are used more often, than when I lived in the North.

This is such a tough time when it comes to transitioning...the best thing to do is just to try and relax and be yourself...I used to call myself a "wuzzle" because on the SAT sample test ?'s...prior to the test... that is the example that was stated over and over...A wuzzle is defined as...to mix. A wuzzle means to Mix. And it was so apropo for that time period.(I was lucky. I just cut my hair and i looked pretty male after that. I used my hair to hide and stuff the way i felt i guess. I think i was conditioned from childhood. To correct people who would call me a boy.) Anyhow, i had a girlfriend who would just look at people in a restaurant...she enjoyed whenever someone looked confused about me. She would tell me..." I just love watching their confusion and their pained faces. They are baffled" . She was right.

Dr Seuss...thing 1 and thing 2...they do it for me, also. I have a Christmas
Ornament that i am very proud of...I am a transexxual and I am proud.
And i am a wuzzle inside. No matter how i am perceived. Smile.
And I am proud of all of you guys going through this journey.

Onto to the election..

alexri · 11-06-2012, 05:16 AM

It's around 5:30 am right now. I should be on the way to the gym, but I am staying at home this morning so I can vote instead. My polling area is notorious for long lines and running out of ballets at night so I vote first thing in the morning.

Right now I'm fueled just on pure morning adrenaline. I hope this all comes out right.. thoughts just kinda pouring out through the keyboard.

So... first of all, I appreciate that the majority of the people on this online community can understand that someone can identify as a trans person without actually going through the transition, either by choice, because of lack of resources, because of medical restrictions, or for whatever reason. I stopped seeing a counselor who said "well if you don't want to have surgery right away, you're not trans."

Lesbian never felt right to me. It took me until I got to college to appreciate what had been there all along- a definite attraction and physical/sexual desires for females, not males. Yes I did sleep with bio males when I was in high school. I *thought* I was supposed to do that. And I did with a few, thinking *I'm supposed to like this, maybe he's just doing it wrong.* Nothing. And actually: it was revolting. And even in those relationships I was the dominant person. I wouldn't even call them relationships I think.

It wasn't until college where I finally talked to a trusted friend about how I felt. Coming from a very conservative family (who called me last night to make sure I would vote for Romney, ugh), I literally had no idea what gay or lesbian meant until someone explained it to me. And the light bulb went on! But still, even though I had started dating women, something was quite wrong. It's taken me another 10-15 years to appreciate the other part of my life that has been there all along-- the inner feeling that I am male, a male soul, male energy.

Looking back on it all, through my own thoughts and through therapy, so many signs are obvious. A lifelong revolting feeling to dresses, makeup, female-identified activities. Always automatically being the "dad" when playing house. Always playing with the boys and not the girls. Rejecting dolls for trucks. Never fitting in at school because people didn't know what to make of me. Sneaking into my parent's basement during the night, lighting candles like an altar, and then praying to god to fix me. Wondering for so long what was wrong with me. Crying for days when my menstrual cycle started because it meant I really was a girl. I have always cringed when I was called "beautiful" or "pretty." There's always been this internal lack of comfort when I am addressed by my assigned female name, so much to the point where I don't even say it when I answer the phone. I wanted to change my name as early as high school. And then there's the body dysmorphia... all the times of looking in a mirror and just breaking out into tears. Always wearing clothing that hid my body and my female curves. Wearing men's clothes for over 25 years. There's so many examples. For a while to me I thought it was being a butch. But even that wasn't right. In college I was brought to lesbian bars by groups of friends. I felt like I was in the wrong place. If only the little voice in my head that now can say "you are male" had the words for it years ago, I could have spared myself from a lot of depression, self-hate, isolation, and feelings of being unworthy. It wasn't until I started going to trans groups that I felt comfortable.

Genderqueer really didn't exist 10 years ago, and transgender rights were barely on the radar. My age group grew up with negative images of trans people (think Silence of the Lambs). Even 10 years ago I can remember fights at activism meetings about including the T in GLBT and how many people thought this group did not belong. And there are those within the T community that think that if you are not going through surgery and hormones, you are not really trans. The reality is, people like us have existed throughout societies around the world for centuries. And unfortunately too many people attacked what they did not understand. Sometimes I wonder if we adopt labels for a comfort level for ourselves, or for the comfort of others, so people know how to treat us. I am very appreciative that groups have started to move to the umbrella approach for equality, recognizing that while legally wording and labels have to be specific for protection/rights because society as a whole pigeonholes us, but in reality gender and sexual identify are much more fluid.

I feel like our society is still so rooted in male/female, pink/blue, that it doesn't know how to handle those that identify as the opposite gender, have gone through transition, are in the middle, or those who simply identify as something different than the vessels we were born in. Fortunately the world is changing much faster than ever before, and today's youth is much more open minded, understanding and accepting. I can only hope things will be much easier for the next generation, and that someday people will look back at GLBT rights and shake their heads at what took so long. And I need to turn all my pain into something positive. What can I do to make sure no other person has to suffer, to agonize, to contemplate suicide? How can I help my community? How can I stay connected? Transgender feels like the right word for me. Right now my life focus is on what I ignored for so long- self love and self respect.

My other life motto is: "be a gentleman." I picture myself being the best example of a man I can be. I unfortunately do see FTMs in the community who absorb what I personally see to be the worst characteristics of men- not treating women with respect and seeing them as equal; using derogatory words to describe women, etc. To me it's about standing up for the rights of women and for equality issues such as equal pay, abortion rights, healthcare, etc. It's about being conscious with my words and manners. It's about being respectful and protective, not because women are weak (which they are most definitely not!), but out of loyalty and appreciation. As I grow more confident about who I am, I have found myself challenging things I would be too scared to face years ago.

I saw a post in a Facebook group where someone said "I am a FTG: a female to gentleman." I like that.

Time to get up for voting/work. Sorry about my rambling here.

DMW · 11-06-2012, 07:14 AM

Thanks for sharing Alex. Ramble on...i dig it. I hope others will too.

I got in and got to vote. Had to go vote early... cause i was awake and genrally do that also.
My adrenaline if burning up also...I believe i have turned to cortisol. Yulk.
Nothing like voting in someone's barn. Weird...
I am grateful that my name was on the rolls and not my old one...
I was prepared to show all my id and then deal with provisionals if
necessary.

Now, i want to know about victor...infinity?

GO OBAMA BIDEN 2012

Sun · 11-06-2012, 07:50 AM

Good Morning All,

Is there a TDOR thread around here? I am wondering what events are goinng on around the country this year. If there is no thread I may start one. The national site is not always updated well and I really want to see this event get more visibility this year.

Thanks!

Linus · 11-06-2012, 07:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sun

Good Morning All,

Is there a TDOR thread around here? I am wondering what events are goinng on around the country this year. If there is no thread I may start one. The national site is not always updated well and I really want to see this event get more visibility this year.

Thanks!

http://www.butchfemmeplanet.com/foru...ead.php?t=2926

Darbonaire · 10-29-2012, 03:55 PM

I know that in the puberty years I put on weight to "hide" the girl body...it didn't work of course....lol....& now it's HELL to take it off. I remember when I had my top surgery...My God I was the happiest man alive....lol...ask my ex...she went through it with me & wow...I was on top of the world. There's a pic of me walking the grandbaby in my boxers & no shirt......lololol....maybe that's TMI..sorry....

I've never had any of this discomfort with my body...yep, I'm overweight & am changing it slowly...but, I have always looked male even before transition & others have verified this, so it's not just me thinking that. When I look in the mirror now I see a handsome guy looking back. I LOVE my beard....LOVE my chest...hate my back hair....LOL...but, generally..I've always known I was a guy.....it's nice to be aligned now. I began the change at 30 years old & I am a bit envious of these young guys who are starting in their 20's.....but, we all go at our own pace.

Just be comfotable inside & let yoursefl BE who you are......nothing has to go at any pace other than what is right for you as an individual.

I love this thread too....

Jonathan

11-06-2012, 07:14 AM	#11
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,858 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Thanks for sharing Alex. Ramble on...i dig it. I hope others will too. I got in and got to vote. Had to go vote early... cause i was awake and genrally do that also. My adrenaline if burning up also...I believe i have turned to cortisol. Yulk. Nothing like voting in someone's barn. Weird... I am grateful that my name was on the rolls and not my old one... I was prepared to show all my id and then deal with provisionals if necessary. Now, i want to know about victor...infinity? GO OBAMA BIDEN 2012 Last edited by DMW; 11-06-2012 at 07:17 AM.

11-06-2012, 07:50 AM	#12
Sun Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Trans Preferred Pronoun?: He, him, his Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: N/A Posts: 1,775 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,557 Thanked 5,551 Times in 1,456 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	TDOR Good Morning All, Is there a TDOR thread around here? I am wondering what events are goinng on around the country this year. If there is no thread I may start one. The national site is not always updated well and I really want to see this event get more visibility this year. Thanks! __________________ “Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.” ― Rumi

10-29-2012, 03:55 PM	#14
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	I guess I've been lucky I know that in the puberty years I put on weight to "hide" the girl body...it didn't work of course....lol....& now it's HELL to take it off. I remember when I had my top surgery...My God I was the happiest man alive....lol...ask my ex...she went through it with me & wow...I was on top of the world. There's a pic of me walking the grandbaby in my boxers & no shirt......lololol....maybe that's TMI..sorry.... I've never had any of this discomfort with my body...yep, I'm overweight & am changing it slowly...but, I have always looked male even before transition & others have verified this, so it's not just me thinking that. When I look in the mirror now I see a handsome guy looking back. I LOVE my beard....LOVE my chest...hate my back hair....LOL...but, generally..I've always known I was a guy.....it's nice to be aligned now. I began the change at 30 years old & I am a bit envious of these young guys who are starting in their 20's.....but, we all go at our own pace. Just be comfotable inside & let yoursefl BE who you are......nothing has to go at any pace other than what is right for you as an individual. I love this thread too.... Jonathan

10-29-2012, 03:40 PM	#1
BrutalDaddy Member How Do You Identify?: Her Asshole. Preferred Pronoun?: Him, hym, he, whatever. Relationship Status: Bitch has no more excuses now. Join Date: May 2012 Location: Lower Alabama Posts: 519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 2,784 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Damn I love this thread. Seriously guys. Y'all have no idea just how much it is enlightening me and giving me courage to face my own demons, hopes, aspirations and desires. Because of this thread, I am feeling a connection that I haven't felt with another guy(s) in a long time, if ever. It's like I get so wrapped up in my every day struggles that I tend to forget others go through the exact same struggle every day of their own lives. That I am not the only FTM out there who is viewed based on what gender they physically born into, regardless of how much it doesn't match up with what our brain and soul sees. I totally got the above but sometimes I let my own "suffering" become my center focus until I forget that I am not alone. Often I'd find myself looking at pics of FTMs and wishing I could just "look like that". Weatherboi, your post brought reality screaming back to me and I am so fucking grateful to you for that. Thank you from bottom of my heart for sharing that about yourself. Thank you to all of you who are sharing. It's like chicken soup for the trans soul. Lol. Even when I didn't realize I needed to hear it. For years I struggled with addiction. Anything that'd make me not have to think about what I look like or what society sees. Anger and resentment towards the world were my close friends. Still are sometimes if I'm not careful. Okay seriously am rambling so will shut up for now but one last thing before I do. Weatherboi, I couldn't rep you again for some reason so I'll just say it here. Your post about dysphoria made me tear up because I can relate with every fiber of my being. Thank you and I look forward to meeting you as well as all the other guys one day. Loving This Thread, Brute.

10-29-2012, 05:24 PM	#5
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,858 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Hello All, I am going to put this FAQ post in the thread so that i have a quick reference to the TOS and for a personal reminder. In addition, others within this thread can see it and use it too. I am glad that people have been enjoying the thread. Thank you for all of your postitive Thank you notes. And wow, i will never catch up to reading all of these... Reporting Posts - FAQ Hi Folks - We've had a couple of issues pop up over the last several weeks with reported posts so I wanted to post a thread with a few reminders: 1. When To Report a Post You can report a post anywhere on the forums except for the Red Zone. The Red Zone is set up as a non-moderated area and we will not respond to or moderate posts in that area unless someone has made a threat of some kind. You may choose to report posts that are against the TOS or that you think are harmful to the community in some way. Please remember that if you see a post that really pisses you off, you have a choice to either engage directly with the person who made it OR you can report it but if you do both, we more than likely will not moderate your report. 2. What Admins and Moderators "See" on the Site We have in excess of 1000 posts per day here, sometimes a lot more than that. Please remember that the Admins and Moderators do not see every post that has been made on the site so you should not assume that we saw a post and are "ok" with whatever was posted. We have encountered several situations where someone gets moderated and then replies to us with "Well, so and so said x, y, z last week and you did nothing so this isn't fair!". My first question to you will be, "Did you report the post?" If you did not report the post, then please do not assume we saw it. 3. Against the TOS/ Not Against the TOS Our TOS is pretty clear but there will be times that issues are more of a gray area and we have to use our best judgment on what to moderate. Things like hateful postings, racist or sizist posts, or things that are blatantly ugly will, unquestionably, be moderated. Other things like passive-aggressive postings or "poking"-type posts will be dealt with provided we can clearly determine that one member is targeting another. If you report a post and have to draw us a map or give us lots of explanation or 5 years of history to convince us that the post is about you, we more than likely will not moderate it. For example: We will moderate this post: Person A: "My most recent ex girlfriend ate kittens every morning and then crapped her pants on the way to work!" This post would get moderated if you and your "ex" were posting love notes to each other a week ago on the site or had identifying information in profiles such as "Medusa's Lover!" so that people would know that you were talking about Medusa in the post above. We will not moderate this post: Person A: "I can't stand shrimp soup. It makes me gag!" If you report the post and tell us that you and person A had shrimp soup on your first date and that they are only posting it to poke at you, then how would anyone but you and the other person know that? We get that people can be very crafty with posting things under the wire and we will not always be able to moderate those things. Our litmus test is to read the post in a vaccuum and ask ourselves: "Would this post catch our attention if we didn't know the backstory?" If you find that someone is poking at you but doing it under the wire, please put them on ignore. Our biggest trouble is getting people who do not like one another to put each other on ignore. With all this being said, we do not want people behaving like assholes and jabbing at their exes and trying to be so sneaky that they think nobody else will know. If it comes down to us seeing a trail of posts that are "borderline", that person will probably be getting a note from us. 4. Response Time for Moderations If you report a post, PLEASE consider that the Admins and Moderators will get to it as soon as they can. If we are very busy in our personal lives or if there have been a bunch of reported posts lately, it might take up to a day for us to respond. We generally try to respond to reports as soon as they happen but this is not always possible and we appreciate people being patient. If you report a post and don't get a response within a couple of hours or haven't seen us address it publically, please do not assume you are being "ignored" or that your post isnt being looked at. Sometimes we are just stuck in meetings, or asleep, or busy tapping down drama that never makes it to the front page of the site. 5. Gallery and Chat Reports If something happens in the chat room and you think we need to know about it, please contact us with the usernames of the people involved and the date and time that it happened. Jackhammer reviews the chat logs every morning and we have been addressing some issues in private. Scorp is our chat room Moderator and you can contact her with any concerns via private message or feel free to send your concerns to me or any of the other Moderators. If you need to report a gallery photo, there is a "report photo" button on every picture. Please remember that nudity of any kind is not allowed in our galleries or in photo threads. I hope that this helps! As always, we are open for questions or clarifications and appreciate all of you! Thanks! Angie __________________ http://www.zombiemonitor.com http://www.tokenfatgirl.com Medusa is online now Add to Medusa's Reputation Report Post Reply With Quote

11-06-2012, 05:16 AM	#10
alexri Member How Do You Identify?: - Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: - Posts: 549 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,209 Thanked 2,799 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	It's around 5:30 am right now. I should be on the way to the gym, but I am staying at home this morning so I can vote instead. My polling area is notorious for long lines and running out of ballets at night so I vote first thing in the morning. Right now I'm fueled just on pure morning adrenaline. I hope this all comes out right.. thoughts just kinda pouring out through the keyboard. So... first of all, I appreciate that the majority of the people on this online community can understand that someone can identify as a trans person without actually going through the transition, either by choice, because of lack of resources, because of medical restrictions, or for whatever reason. I stopped seeing a counselor who said "well if you don't want to have surgery right away, you're not trans." Lesbian never felt right to me. It took me until I got to college to appreciate what had been there all along- a definite attraction and physical/sexual desires for females, not males. Yes I did sleep with bio males when I was in high school. I thought I was supposed to do that. And I did with a few, thinking I'm supposed to like this, maybe he's just doing it wrong. Nothing. And actually: it was revolting. And even in those relationships I was the dominant person. I wouldn't even call them relationships I think. It wasn't until college where I finally talked to a trusted friend about how I felt. Coming from a very conservative family (who called me last night to make sure I would vote for Romney, ugh), I literally had no idea what gay or lesbian meant until someone explained it to me. And the light bulb went on! But still, even though I had started dating women, something was quite wrong. It's taken me another 10-15 years to appreciate the other part of my life that has been there all along-- the inner feeling that I am male, a male soul, male energy. Looking back on it all, through my own thoughts and through therapy, so many signs are obvious. A lifelong revolting feeling to dresses, makeup, female-identified activities. Always automatically being the "dad" when playing house. Always playing with the boys and not the girls. Rejecting dolls for trucks. Never fitting in at school because people didn't know what to make of me. Sneaking into my parent's basement during the night, lighting candles like an altar, and then praying to god to fix me. Wondering for so long what was wrong with me. Crying for days when my menstrual cycle started because it meant I really was a girl. I have always cringed when I was called "beautiful" or "pretty." There's always been this internal lack of comfort when I am addressed by my assigned female name, so much to the point where I don't even say it when I answer the phone. I wanted to change my name as early as high school. And then there's the body dysmorphia... all the times of looking in a mirror and just breaking out into tears. Always wearing clothing that hid my body and my female curves. Wearing men's clothes for over 25 years. There's so many examples. For a while to me I thought it was being a butch. But even that wasn't right. In college I was brought to lesbian bars by groups of friends. I felt like I was in the wrong place. If only the little voice in my head that now can say "you are male" had the words for it years ago, I could have spared myself from a lot of depression, self-hate, isolation, and feelings of being unworthy. It wasn't until I started going to trans groups that I felt comfortable. Genderqueer really didn't exist 10 years ago, and transgender rights were barely on the radar. My age group grew up with negative images of trans people (think Silence of the Lambs). Even 10 years ago I can remember fights at activism meetings about including the T in GLBT and how many people thought this group did not belong. And there are those within the T community that think that if you are not going through surgery and hormones, you are not really trans. The reality is, people like us have existed throughout societies around the world for centuries. And unfortunately too many people attacked what they did not understand. Sometimes I wonder if we adopt labels for a comfort level for ourselves, or for the comfort of others, so people know how to treat us. I am very appreciative that groups have started to move to the umbrella approach for equality, recognizing that while legally wording and labels have to be specific for protection/rights because society as a whole pigeonholes us, but in reality gender and sexual identify are much more fluid. I feel like our society is still so rooted in male/female, pink/blue, that it doesn't know how to handle those that identify as the opposite gender, have gone through transition, are in the middle, or those who simply identify as something different than the vessels we were born in. Fortunately the world is changing much faster than ever before, and today's youth is much more open minded, understanding and accepting. I can only hope things will be much easier for the next generation, and that someday people will look back at GLBT rights and shake their heads at what took so long. And I need to turn all my pain into something positive. What can I do to make sure no other person has to suffer, to agonize, to contemplate suicide? How can I help my community? How can I stay connected? Transgender feels like the right word for me. Right now my life focus is on what I ignored for so long- self love and self respect. My other life motto is: "be a gentleman." I picture myself being the best example of a man I can be. I unfortunately do see FTMs in the community who absorb what I personally see to be the worst characteristics of men- not treating women with respect and seeing them as equal; using derogatory words to describe women, etc. To me it's about standing up for the rights of women and for equality issues such as equal pay, abortion rights, healthcare, etc. It's about being conscious with my words and manners. It's about being respectful and protective, not because women are weak (which they are most definitely not!), but out of loyalty and appreciation. As I grow more confident about who I am, I have found myself challenging things I would be too scared to face years ago. I saw a post in a Facebook group where someone said "I am a FTG: a female to gentleman." I like that. Time to get up for voting/work. Sorry about my rambling here.