Pressurised to transition.

[Parker]

Originally Posted by Merlin

Alot of butches I know are going through gender re-assignment surgery to become male,they are at varying stages of this.

My question is this :
Butches have you ever felt pressurised to have a sex change?

Have you ever felt it off other butches/transguys who want you to follow the path they have set ?

Everyone welcome to answer but I would like to hear off the butches too.

The pressure I felt was pretty subtle at first - mainly because being or becoming trans wasnt as well known back in the 70s, 80s, and early 90s - at least not in my world - I didnt know of anyone who transitioned or even knew what that meant or entailed.

But even as a kid, people thought I was a boy - my mom would never let me cut my hair short so even in high school with long hair (actually a mullet - it was the 80s after all lol), I got sir'd all the time and people thought I was a man most of the time.

So when I was in my early 20s and struggling with my sexual orientation (read: trying to accept that I was a big ol' dyke), I considered transitioning because so many people thought I was a man already, I figured I might as well go ahead and fit what society is already seeing and assuming.

That led to a lot of introspection and a lot of talking about things with friends and I decided that I would be transitioning for the wrong reasons - I cant spend my life giving a fuck about how society sees me - whether they see the woman that I am or the man that they assume I am.

The truth was simple: I liked being a woman and didnt want to be a man. I just had to become "ok" with being a woman who also happened to be masculine and who would be mistaken for a man 90-95% of the time by the world at large (sometimes, even in gay bars - talk about being invisible ).

There was also a time in my 30s when sometimes some people in the trans community would tell me I should transition - that I already passed so why not go all the way, as if the ID &/or gender of butch couldnt stand on its own but instead had to be a stepping stone for a more evolved state of being: FTM.

That was frustrating and I still get that sometimes - the "oh you're just envious" or the "why dont you just transition already" comments, but I figure that has more to do with the insecurities of the people saying those things than me, my ID, or how I present myself.

It's a constant struggle to be seen - a struggle that is exhausting and a struggle that I sometimes just want to give up, but I also feel that it's a necessary struggle so that the butches coming up behind me will know that butch *can* stand on its own and not be part of an evolution into something or someone else.

[iamkeri1]

Parker
Thank you for sharing your own personal "transition" which for you ended in your acceptance of yourself as you are. That is the place I would hope for us all to end up. For some of us it does involve some level of drug therapy or surgery to help us move closer to the person we are in our head/soul, and fortunately for many of us these phyical "adjustments" are less necessary.

I have partnered most of my life with FTM individuals, but still there is a special place in my heart for a big ol' dyke. Thank you so much for taking on this struggle which I know is an almost constant one for you. You and other butch women (and feminine men) have throughout history carried the prinicple burden of discrimination on your strong beautiful backs. Your visibility, your unwillingness or inability to hide have evoked changes throughout history that have moved first individuals and then society to a greater acceptance of gender variant people in general. (As a femme I include myself in that group, along with queerfolk of all kinds.)

For me it is a treat (though I acknowledge that it probably does not equate as a treat for you in most circumstances), to recognize upon second glances that the person pumping gas next to me or standing in line to vote is a women, not the man that I unheedingly first perceived her to be. To give her a nod and receive back that flash of a smile, to share that moment of recognition (because I too, as femme, am most often invisible.) can bring smiles to my face for months after.
Smooches,
Keri

Originally Posted by Parker

The pressure I felt was pretty subtle at first - mainly because being or becoming trans wasnt as well known back in the 70s, 80s, and early 90s - at least not in my world - I didnt know of anyone who transitioned or even knew what that meant or entailed.

But even as a kid, people thought I was a boy - my mom would never let me cut my hair short so even in high school with long hair (actually a mullet - it was the 80s after all lol), I got sir'd all the time and people thought I was a man most of the time.

So when I was in my early 20s and struggling with my sexual orientation (read: trying to accept that I was a big ol' dyke), I considered transitioning because so many people thought I was a man already, I figured I might as well go ahead and fit what society is already seeing and assuming.

That led to a lot of introspection and a lot of talking about things with friends and I decided that I would be transitioning for the wrong reasons - I cant spend my life giving a fuck about how society sees me - whether they see the woman that I am or the man that they assume I am.

The truth was simple: I liked being a woman and didnt want to be a man. I just had to become "ok" with being a woman who also happened to be masculine and who would be mistaken for a man 90-95% of the time by the world at large (sometimes, even in gay bars - talk about being invisible ).

There was also a time in my 30s when sometimes some people in the trans community would tell me I should transition - that I already passed so why not go all the way, as if the ID &/or gender of butch couldnt stand on its own but instead had to be a stepping stone for a more evolved state of being: FTM.

That was frustrating and I still get that sometimes - the "oh you're just envious" or the "why dont you just transition already" comments, but I figure that has more to do with the insecurities of the people saying those things than me, my ID, or how I present myself.

It's a constant struggle to be seen - a struggle that is exhausting and a struggle that I sometimes just want to give up, but I also feel that it's a necessary struggle so that the butches coming up behind me will know that butch *can* stand on its own and not be part of an evolution into something or someone else.

[Tye]

I think this thread is great. When I was younger I struggled with trying to understand who I was and how I fit into society. When I was around 19 I considered transitioning, because at that time I thought it was the only way I could be with woman and not have life a constant struggle. As time went on I realized I was becoming more happy within myself as I was a woman that was butch I'd. My family has always been supportive of my life and over the years I have had good friends and acouple relationships that helped me see it was ok to be who I was. I have a friend that was butch for many years and started transitioning Afew years ago. We have had many conversations about the issues he faces with this and at one time I felt he was pressuring me too transition and I finally told him I was happy with me and after I explained how I luv being a butch woman and don't feel as though I'm trapped in the wrong body he understood. I understand where he was coming from but once I explained I felt pressured we talked about it and our friendship was ok. I know what you meant by feeling like you lose apart of that friendship when one transitions, but we are still friends and wish the best for each other in our life journey.

[Corkey]

Just be YOU, whom ever that happens to be. Do not let others dictate who YOU are. You, only you, have that power.
Said for the umpteenth time.

Who ever you happen to be, rejoice in who YOU are.