Dykes And Lesbians To Watch Out For

Parker · 11-02-2012, 05:39 PM

My first year or so in the Navy, I straight up lied and said "he" - but I tripped over it every single time, so I dont know how I was fooling anyone. lol

I was so paranoid about being found out and dishonorably discharged, that when the lesbian bar I worked at (Partners in SD - I think it lasted all of a year - I was a barback) was up for a few awards at some city-wide gay awards thing (stuff like best bartender, best restaurant, etc) that the mayor was supposed to show up at to do a presentation, I literally hid in the back of the room because I was worried that I would end up on some news clip or part of a sound bite and then everyone would know.

While I was hiding, I saw some gay women and men not just there, but in uniform and right out in the open. It was that night that I felt so pissed off about hiding that I said fuck it, if they find out and kick me out, sobeit and I stopped using gender neutral or male pronouns to hide the fact that my significant other was a woman.

A dude tried to get me kicked out a few years later for supposedly violating DADT, but that's a whole other story. lol

*Anya* · 11-02-2012, 07:15 PM

I did this for so many years and I did not even risk getting thrown out of the service.

I really hated myself every time that I did it.

As a femme, everyone already assumed that I was straight and I had a ton of excuses as to why I let them believe that.

Underneath it all was probably just as simple as fear of rejection by telling the truth.

I recently posted in the Listening to each other thread that I had another opportunity for a moment of truth and this time, I just told it like it really was/is.

The VP that hired me at my new job asked me during a lunch with the two of us, about dating men. I hesitated just a beat and said, fuck it (to myself): "I don't date men, I date women".

I can't even begin to write how freeing that felt and how glad I am that I did that.

I will never use unambiguous words to describe my sexual orientation or who I date or who I love; ever again.

macele · 11-02-2012, 08:43 PM

anya, good for you. makes me proud that you are proud lol.

lusciouskiwi · 12-02-2012, 09:05 PM

One of my uncles (whom I do not like) called me a "fucking dyke" to which I said "thanks, it's the nicest thing you've said to me all day"

I'll think of some more positive stories and share later

CherylNYC · 12-02-2012, 10:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lusciouskiwi

One of my uncles (whom I do not like) called me a "fucking dyke" to which I said "thanks, it's the nicest thing you've said to me all day"

I'll think of some more positive stories and share later

Good one. My closest friend, (who has never been my gf), and I were walking somewhere in NYC when a horrible dooood found himself somehow inconvenienced by our presence. He called us "fucking dykes", too. Since we're both femmes, I suspect he meant it to be an insult, but hadn't thought the implications of what he was really saying all the way through.

We immediately put our arms around each other and my friend said, "You noticed!" with exaggerated appreciation. Then I said, "He's not as stupid as he looks. I guess that extra chromosome hasn't hurt his eyesight."

We would have continued the verbal beat-down, but the dude actually smiled, albeit a little ruefully. New Yorkers like a snappy comeback.

11-02-2012, 07:15 PM	#2
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,443 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Yes, I had mastered the art of non-female/non-male pronouns I did this for so many years and I did not even risk getting thrown out of the service. I really hated myself every time that I did it. As a femme, everyone already assumed that I was straight and I had a ton of excuses as to why I let them believe that. Underneath it all was probably just as simple as fear of rejection by telling the truth. I recently posted in the Listening to each other thread that I had another opportunity for a moment of truth and this time, I just told it like it really was/is. The VP that hired me at my new job asked me during a lunch with the two of us, about dating men. I hesitated just a beat and said, fuck it (to myself): "I don't date men, I date women". I can't even begin to write how freeing that felt and how glad I am that I did that. I will never use unambiguous words to describe my sexual orientation or who I date or who I love; ever again. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

12-02-2012, 09:05 PM	#4
lusciouskiwi Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme lesbian feminist Preferred Pronoun?: Anything except for "aunty" Relationship Status: Happy with my butch. Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Aotearoa New Zealand Posts: 2,681 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 25,494 Thanked 9,095 Times in 1,899 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	bump!!! One of my uncles (whom I do not like) called me a "fucking dyke" to which I said "thanks, it's the nicest thing you've said to me all day" I'll think of some more positive stories and share later __________________ happiness is a form of courage. George Holbrook Jackson Risk! Risk anything! Care no more for the opinions of others, for those voices. Do the hardest thing on earth for you. Act for yourself. Face the truth. Katherine Mansfield Motivate yourself or be miserable. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. Wayne Dyer

11-02-2012, 05:39 PM	#1
Parker Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: Butch. Lesbian. Dyke. Woman. Female. Preferred Pronoun?: She, of course! Relationship Status: Content Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Small Town Life Posts: 2,880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,858 Thanked 11,727 Times in 2,429 Posts Rep Power: 0	My first year or so in the Navy, I straight up lied and said "he" - but I tripped over it every single time, so I dont know how I was fooling anyone. lol I was so paranoid about being found out and dishonorably discharged, that when the lesbian bar I worked at (Partners in SD - I think it lasted all of a year - I was a barback) was up for a few awards at some city-wide gay awards thing (stuff like best bartender, best restaurant, etc) that the mayor was supposed to show up at to do a presentation, I literally hid in the back of the room because I was worried that I would end up on some news clip or part of a sound bite and then everyone would know. While I was hiding, I saw some gay women and men not just there, but in uniform and right out in the open. It was that night that I felt so pissed off about hiding that I said fuck it, if they find out and kick me out, sobeit and I stopped using gender neutral or male pronouns to hide the fact that my significant other was a woman. A dude tried to get me kicked out a few years later for supposedly violating DADT, but that's a whole other story. lol

11-02-2012, 08:43 PM	#3
macele Member How Do You Identify?: a bold-assed maximus Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: mississippi Posts: 1,066 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,178 Thanked 3,230 Times in 847 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	anya, good for you. makes me proud that you are proud lol.