broken hearts

[Miss Scarlett]

Breaking up hurts no matter what the reason or who initiates the break up. Grieving is normal. I work for a divorce attorney and tell clients all the time that I don't worry about them if they are grieving the loss of their marriage/relationship. They will work through it at their own pace and if they need counseling there is nothing wrong with that. It's the people who aren't grieving that I worry about.

A number of years ago I was working for the sweetest man. We were (and still are) very close. When I discovered my g/f at that time was cheating on me online and IRL; that from she was just using me for a place to stay and someone to support her, I was devastated to the point of barely being able to function.

During one tearful conversation he gave me the most wonderful piece of advice. Unfortunately he repeated this advice to me last night. I'll share it while it's still fresh in my mind:

"Don't feel like you have to be in a relationship and don't be in a hurry to get into another. You are a good person who is worthy to be loved and cherished by someone wonderful. Your value as a person is neither defined by nor dependent upon being in a relationship. Take a year off. At the end of the year reassess things. If you feel like you're ready to seriously date someone then go for it. If not, then don't. You'll be a stronger, more confident person who understands what she is looking for and the chances of you settling for someone out of loneliness or even desperation will be greatly reduced. It sounds tough but you will be able to do this and you will survive."

[Leigh]

That's great advice Scarlett

[Miss Scarlett]

Originally Posted by Leigh

That's great advice Scarlett

Yes it is, thank you Leigh.

Oddly enough my friend found himself following his own advice shortly after that first conversation. His boyfriend of many years suddenly left him for another man. Just over a year later my friend met someone and they've been together ever since.

[chakra]

I have been single for three years. I had my heart shattered. I never swore off another relationship, I just didn't care to look. I have taken this time to:

enter into therapy - what an 'adventure'
move my adult children out of the house
live by myself
and most importantly:

LIVE FOR MYSELF

I don't have answers for anyone. I barely have answers for myself. However, I have learnt, I need to know me, before I can truly know another.

This is the longest I have been single since I was 13. I am well over that age now.

Hearts break. I don't. My heart is a part of me, NOT all of me.

[chris1life]

I know this thread has been long silent and well I need to vent. I suppose being anonymous to a certain extent makes this easier. My wife doesn't get on line for anything other than work so maybe I can open about my broken heart. First off I know that I am no where near perfect. I'm Moody,stubborn And can be insensitive. What I'm not is a cheater, or cold hearted. On the outside I can be tough And can hide emotions. Today though its hard to hide. My wife identifies as bisexual and I have tried to be understanding but I can't share her. I understand She has needs but when we moved in together we talked And I was honest I cant and wont share. Does that make me wrong. I don't want anyone else is it ok that she does? Is it ok That she talks to men even though I thought our life together was just that our life. Am I being selfish that I asked her to leave? 11 years I've spent With her and Have been Happy. I guess she wasn't. Every time I catch her talking romantically to someone else it breaks my heart. I've loved that woman so deeply that I thought we would make it against all odds. I know I'll live through this broken heart but how do u pick up the pieces. How do u dust yourself off after believing you had met your soul mate and finding out u just aren't enough to keep her Happy.? I'm not saying its wrong if someone else can have an open relationship Its wrong. I just can't do it. I feel like I have a huge empty hole in my chest. She is the only woman I've had in my life sense I was pretty much a kid. We have a lot of history. Maybe this isn't the proper thread for this but had to Get it off my chest. My kids believe she is working out of town my family isn't aware of this yet. I've asked her to leave. Big changes coming my way I suppose. Sorry if this the wrong place for this. A lot going on in my head and heart.

[chris1life]

Well her stuff is gone the kids are spending time with her today. I'm still completely in love with her and it all happened so fast. One day I'm comfortable in love and happy. Next thing I know 11 Yes are down the drain. Years of raising kids together, dealing with issues of life, And then its over. I think I'm still in shock. The heart ache is just starting. I wonder if I didn't do something right or didn't pay enough attention. Who knows. She wants to lead a "straight" lifestyle. Maybe its the large age gap she is 13 years older. Oh well I will learn to sleep alone again. Ha though the thought of dating again is terrifying. If I could get this ache to go away that's lodged deep in my chest I'd feel a lot better. I'll pick up the pieces and go on with my life eventually...

[Novelafemme]

{{{Chris}}} I am so sorry you are hurting. Broken hearts are the worst, but from what I've read your heart is leading you in a different direction. Listen to it and trust that in time you will be right where you belong. Have faith and be good to yourself right now. Lots of love and strength to you, xoxo Novela

[*Anya*]

Time heals.

It is the only answer that I know.

Sometimes, it is two steps forward and one step back.

I wish there were magic answers but there are not.

It is a grieving process.

Mourning what was and what might have been.

You will move forward but at your own pace.

{{{hugs}}}