Is there a space for women like me?

[The_Lady_Snow]

Would my life be any easier if I were partnered with a butch woman?

Until recently I can and could say that for me no. I've had/have to deal with the same kind of sexist mysiginistic bull shit from butch to Femme to FTM. Being a Femme who's 100% in the Lead is unpopular in the dating pool outside of kink.


It's tiring

[iamkeri1]

I want to apologise in advance if I am doing this wrong, I'm not really sure what cross posting is, so I don't know if that is what I am doing. I do want to say to you that I am in awe of those of you who have not lost contact with the femme part of yourselves, who refuse to sublimate or let others sublimate your needs completely to those of your loved on who is/has/wants to transition.

I have told my story in other threads, and maybe someday I will copy some of it to this thread. For today I just wantto send you my love. i can tell you are hurting. I been though much of that kind of hurting my self, and sometimes I still do hurt. Love to you my femme sisters (and daughters.) I'm proud of you.
Smooches,
Keri

[Words]

I think that one of the hardest things I've had to deal with whilst Blue has been making the transition from a third gendered/transgendered female looking woman to a third gendered/transgendered male looking woman (and yes, Hy still considers Hymself a woman and always, I believe, will), is other people's perception of Blue and, by default, other people's perception of me. Nine times out of ten people W/we don't know will assume that Blue is a straight guy and that I'm Hys straight wife. Which, to me, is understandable but annoying. Worse than that though, people who do know U/us - including queers - assume that deep down, Blue really wants to be a guy and that I, therefore, must really want to be with a guy or a 'real' FtM. Which puts me in the position of either having to explain - again -what transgendered/third gendered is and why, exactly, Blue wanted to 'masculinize', or alternatively, to simply keep quiet and allow them to carry on assuming, neither of which make me happy.

I really wish there was greater awareness, including amongst the queer community, with regard to the fact that not everyone who goes on T/has their breasts removed and so on and so forth wants to be a male or already considers themself a male albeit one trapped inside a female body. Blue is proud to be butch. Hy is proud to be transgendered. Hy is proud to be a masculine, male looking third gendered/transgendered woman. I just wish others would accept that for what it is, i.e., the absolute truth.

Words

[Kätzchen]

I want to say that I share in the sentiment expressed by Lady_Snow that I have found too, over the years, that Femme-led relationships are not always met with the approval of what appears to be an ongoing general consensus expressed by mainstream society or even within our own small universe of butches and femmes.

It's even smaller, for me, because of the way that I am.

I imagine the reason why I have been single for such a long time is that in my world, I live and abide as if there is no competition to lead or be led and I guess I could say that the way I live would probably be more in alignment with what some scientists believe to be a "competition-free" way of life.

I don't know how to distill my thoughts simply; but if I were to try to describe or illustrate what a competition-free environment would be, a person might find that when I say that I stand on my own and that the other party gets to stand on their own - it means that we know ourselves in unique ways that allow us to thrive in adverse conditions, yet have the capacity to nurture one another and be there for each other and pleasure each other with our own unique way of caring for each other, when there seems to be no reasonable or rational explanation for how we're able to do such a thing.

I lack a better way to share, in explanatory ways, at the moment. But the one thing I relish about a competition-free way of life is that I know I possess a very unique cache of skill (trained or untrained capacities), which allows me to thrive in ways where only I am the best evaluator of my own ability to evolve under any one kind or type of condition I face at any given moment in life. I wish I knew how to better say what is on my mind about things of this nature, but I feel that I possess a mixture of traits or gifts that are unique to me. And, even on my worst day or the best day or seemingly a mundane day in my life, I know that surely I am not alone.

Thank You Lady_Snow for the opportunity to share in this particular forum discussion and for constraining participation to those of us who identify as Femme.

[Kätzchen]

Bumping this thread today because our slice of the universe is under-represented, not discussed very often, but I feel we need ways to express ourselves.

My Sugarbear is fully transitioned, going on now about 5 years.
He is bald (side effect of T- tx's), but his baldness is super f*cking sexy to me.

One of the 'big deal' things about him, again, to me, is that he is dialed into my type of personality characteristics (+\-). For example, he totally gets my 'let me give you a swift kick to the head' way of dealing with problematic issues I encounter on a daily basis. He also smiles when people mistakenly address me with a "Yes, Sir" rather than a "Yes, Ma'am", although it does not really matter to me because when people do that, I know my physical presentation collides with their perception of me.

The day we found each other is still like a mystery to me, but I can't express enough what a difference he makes in my life.

I heart him with all my heart.

[Nadeest]

The first person that I dated, after I had started transition, was a transman. He was so very sweet and gentle with me, it was unbelievable. I have had a soft spot for them ever since, and would very happily date one again.