Respecting Women's Space as a transgender male

julieisafemme · 11-11-2012, 01:04 PM

I hope it is ok for me to post here. Sometimes this issue comes up for us and it bums me out. I will say hey let's go to this and Greyson will say no because it is women's space. I don't even think of things like that because I am a woman. I totally understand and support his comfort level and his need to show respect for spaces where he feels like his presence could be problematic. That is why we really value and like spaces where the only requirement is that you be queer. We can do that!

SelfMadeMan · 11-11-2012, 01:18 PM

I totally get what you're saying, Stacy and I have been through that too! It comes up all the time in different ways for me. I'm a Sociology/Women & Gender Studies major, and last year, was asked to join a feminist honor society called W.I.L.L. (Women's Initiative for Leadership Learning), and I initially declined. I told the professor who invited me, that I felt my presence would be problematic and that I was honored but would never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or resent my presence in that space. About a week later, she emailed me and told me that she had met with the society, and that they voted unanimously to invite me in. Not only that, they voted to change the name to Wo/Men's Initiative for Leadership Learning. I was floored. So I joined, with the understanding that if my presence were ever an issue for an incoming member, I would want to bow out, and not take a space away from a woman who wanted to be in the society. It's gone great though, and I LOVE working in and around feminism!

DMW · 11-11-2012, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

I absolutely do NOT feel that transmen belong in women's only spaces. Period. You don't get to hang onto your old cards and play them when it's convenient. If a space is designated women only, and you ID as male, you do not need to be there.

And it's easy to show respect to women who want their own space. Stay out of it unless invited in.

SelfMadeMan, I completely agree with this sentiment and appreciate that
you posted this so well. If one woman is uncomfortable...then...i am uncomfortable.
The brass tax: It Just comes down to common courtesy and respect. Period.
Don't say one thing and do the other. That is total disrespect.

Quote:

Originally Posted by SelfMadeMan

I totally get what you're saying, Stacy and I have been through that too! It comes up all the time in different ways for me. I'm a Sociology/Women & Gender Studies major, and last year, was asked to join a feminist honor society called W.I.L.L. (Women's Initiative for Leadership Learning), and I initially declined. I told the professor who invited me, that I felt my presence would be problematic and that I was honored but would never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or resent my presence in that space. About a week later, she emailed me and told me that she had met with the society, and that they voted unanimously to invite me in. Not only that, they voted to change the name to Wo/Men's Initiative for Leadership Learning. I was floored. So I joined, with the understanding that if my presence were ever an issue for an incoming member, I would want to bow out, and not take a space away from a woman who wanted to be in the society. It's gone great though, and I LOVE working in and around feminism!

I think that this is a different situation. It is dependent on the people involved within that space and time. I would feel the same way...and most likely feel it necessary to approach each new female member or have some introductory announcement...that in someway stated, "if any woman has issue with the presence of men in these meetings...come to the director and it will be addressed...etc. So, that the woman would know that her identity would remain anonymous...etc. Kind of a sticky position to put her in though...

So, i, myself would struggle with this. Interesting. Ironic cause i was in a long term relationship with a femme in women's studies. It was awesome to
listen to her and learn from her.

Obviously, they wanted to include you cause they know you well. And that is awesome.

The feelings of loss have happened to me and to the partner i was with during my transition. And i am sure that my partner post transition went through her own evolution, adjustment...etc. However, the loss is probably, not much different from any other person's evolution, really.
It would be much to type and think about. And i have bigger priorities today to attend to.
Personally, regarding my transition, i have gained much more than i have lost.

Great post. Thanks.

Julieisafemme....i appreciate your post and am glad that you are sharing.

You all have a good day.

11-11-2012, 01:04 PM	#1
julieisafemme Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Woman Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married to Greyson Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In the present Posts: 828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,156 Thanked 3,434 Times in 660 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I hope it is ok for me to post here. Sometimes this issue comes up for us and it bums me out. I will say hey let's go to this and Greyson will say no because it is women's space. I don't even think of things like that because I am a woman. I totally understand and support his comfort level and his need to show respect for spaces where he feels like his presence could be problematic. That is why we really value and like spaces where the only requirement is that you be queer. We can do that! __________________ Happiness Bubbling! Last edited by julieisafemme; 11-11-2012 at 01:06 PM.

11-11-2012, 01:18 PM	#2
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,668 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972345	I totally get what you're saying, Stacy and I have been through that too! It comes up all the time in different ways for me. I'm a Sociology/Women & Gender Studies major, and last year, was asked to join a feminist honor society called W.I.L.L. (Women's Initiative for Leadership Learning), and I initially declined. I told the professor who invited me, that I felt my presence would be problematic and that I was honored but would never want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or resent my presence in that space. About a week later, she emailed me and told me that she had met with the society, and that they voted unanimously to invite me in. Not only that, they voted to change the name to Wo/Men's Initiative for Leadership Learning. I was floored. So I joined, with the understanding that if my presence were ever an issue for an incoming member, I would want to bow out, and not take a space away from a woman who wanted to be in the society. It's gone great though, and I LOVE working in and around feminism!