Unconditional Love... is it really unconditional?

Sachita · 03-20-2010, 01:02 PM

I have thought a lot about this in this past year.

I can honestly say that I love without conditions. I may not like someone and I do have standards on what I'll allow in my space. Even people I don't really like I love and feel true deep compassion. I'm grateful I don't have that type of emotion in me even when pushed to the limits. There is one person who pushed me pretty far, awful things and lies for years. I had anger inside so intense I truly wanted to hunt her down and beat her. Time passed and it went away. It bothered me that I even allowed it to bother me so much. If I stand up for myself, don't allow myself to be treated badly, look at you in your face and tell you to fuck off, it doesn't mean I also wouldn't give you the shirt off my back or that compassion has left me. It means I ain't taking any shit or I don't like you.

Everything has conditions per se, however the very essence of love is something that exist, has few rules and lives in every spirit. It can be very simple or complex.

proximitywithoutintimacy · 02-03-2011, 03:36 PM

I believe in unconditional love; however, I also believe that unconditional love is very rare, when it comes to being IN love. It's what sets apart love from true love, in my opinion. Maybe I'm just talking in circles at this point in my rant, but honestly, I love someone who might possibly be the most broken human being I've ever known... for her, my love, I give my heart.

You may all vomit now at my sappiness

LOL.

Chancie · 02-03-2011, 04:08 PM

I don't know what people mean when they say they believe in unconditional love. Do they really mean that they would love someone no matter what they do? For me, that doesn't sound healthy.

I love Pete, and I think she might be the one I want to marry, because I do want to get married again. I probably wouldn't wish her ill if she did something that made it impossible for us to be together, and of course time might reveal that we aren't right together, but I love her with all the complicated feelings that make me human.

I wish I loved myself unconditionally.

Julien · 02-03-2011, 04:29 PM

Unconditional love is the love I have for my son.

MsTinkerbelly · 02-03-2011, 08:53 PM

If I love someone it is forever. The type of love may change, but I still love them.

IrishGrrl · 02-03-2011, 10:04 PM

My love is conditional yes. I may love someone, but withdraw my actions of love. I can love from afar, and I have stopped loving, it's not an intentional thing, it just happens. The only unconditional love I have is for my children.

Chancie · 02-04-2011, 02:01 PM

I've been thinking about this thread a lot.

I've never been the sort of girl who thinks Heathcliff is romantic; I've always thought that he was a reactive jerk and that Cathy was manipulative and thoughtless.

But I suspect I am the exception.

On the other hand, I have a huge amount of patience with the shenanigans of naughty teenagers, but very little patience with the thoughtless sharp tongues of some adults I've 'met' online.

I've never cheated on anyone to whom I have been committed.

Again, I suspect I am the exception.

When members say they will always love someone they have loved at one time, what does that mean?

If that is true, why have you (in general) cheated on your partner? Why have you taken expensive gifts when you know you aren't fully committed to your partner? Why do you share dramatic private details of your relationship?

Miss Scarlett · 02-04-2011, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chancie

I've never cheated on anyone to whom I have been committed.

Neither have I, although I have had a few people cheat on me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chancie

When members say they will always love someone they have loved at one time, what does that mean?

For me the intimacy of love (not sex but love) occupies a place very deep within my heart. There is no way that anyone who finds that place can not leave a part of themself behind regardless of why they are no longer in my life.

Soft*Silver · 02-04-2011, 12:40 AM

I have changed my mind from my original post. I said I offered unconditional love to only one person and that be my daughter.I have decided that it is not a parents responsibility to beholden to have to love their child unconditionally if their child does not deserve it. I have borne witness to several examples as of late, of adult children who in my opinion, did not deserve their parent's love. Call me cold. I would sever my love in a heart beat had it been my child.

I seem to find myself becoming more black and white as I age. Less grey. Far less grey. I think I have given people in my past so many opportunities that I realize now I wasted so much of my precious life on them, days wasted that I cannot get back now. I have lived more life than I have left to live, and no one is going to get more from me than they deserve ever again. I wont mistake an ass for a horse again, trust me on that...lol. Someone said they wanted to love themselves unconditionally. I think thats what I am doing. Hands down. I come first.

Tcountry · 02-04-2011, 03:29 AM

It all depends on your definition of love...is it a feeling or an action...?
If it is a feeling...it is possible to love...even when u r upset with a decision that person has made.
If it is an action...what r u willing to do/go thru if that person really needed u?
The only limit to unconditional love is the human condition...& what each is willing to do and/or put up with...
Your limits define your conditions

Miss Scarlett · 02-04-2011, 05:28 AM

Many years ago this was part of an all night discussion with a dear friend (now departed). We concluded that there is such a thing but that it is different for everyone.

My love (whether that be for my friends, family or partner) is one that loves and accepts people "warts and all." It's not something that I will take away if there is a disagreement, parting of ways or even if someone hurts me. I cannot just turn off my heart, just cannot...there will always be love there.

This same friend wrote a beautiful song about his love for his friends here are the lyrics:

Brother's Keeper
Rich Mullins and Beaker

Now the plummer's got a drip in his spigot
The mechanic's got a clank in his car
And the preacher's thinking thoughts that are wicked
And the lover's got a lonely heart
My friends ain't the way I wish they were
They are just the way they are

And I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength
I won't take away his freedom
I will help him learn to stand
And I will, I will be my brother's keeper

Now this roof has got a few missing shingles
But at least we got ourselves a roof
And they say that she's a fallen angel
I wonder if she recalls when she last flew
There's no point in pointing fingers
Unless you're pointing to the truth

And I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength
I won't take away his freedom
I will help him learn to stand
And I will, I will be my brother's keeper

I will be my brother's keeper
Not the one who judges him
I won't despise him for his weakness
I won't regard him for his strength
I won't take away his freedom
I will help him learn to stand
And I will, I will be my brother's keeper

03-20-2010, 01:02 PM	#1
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,992 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I have thought a lot about this in this past year. I can honestly say that I love without conditions. I may not like someone and I do have standards on what I'll allow in my space. Even people I don't really like I love and feel true deep compassion. I'm grateful I don't have that type of emotion in me even when pushed to the limits. There is one person who pushed me pretty far, awful things and lies for years. I had anger inside so intense I truly wanted to hunt her down and beat her. Time passed and it went away. It bothered me that I even allowed it to bother me so much. If I stand up for myself, don't allow myself to be treated badly, look at you in your face and tell you to fuck off, it doesn't mean I also wouldn't give you the shirt off my back or that compassion has left me. It means I ain't taking any shit or I don't like you. Everything has conditions per se, however the very essence of love is something that exist, has few rules and lives in every spirit. It can be very simple or complex. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

02-03-2011, 04:29 PM	#4
Julien Member How Do You Identify?: TG/GenderQueer Preferred Pronoun?: I'm flexible, but only up to a point. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Alabama, Gulf Coast area Posts: 1,007 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,247 Thanked 2,702 Times in 737 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Unconditional love is the love I have for my son. __________________ Julien “Self-plagiarism is style.” Alfred Hitchcock Formerly known as Graphiteta2s

02-04-2011, 12:40 AM	#9
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,894 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	I have changed my mind from my original post. I said I offered unconditional love to only one person and that be my daughter.I have decided that it is not a parents responsibility to beholden to have to love their child unconditionally if their child does not deserve it. I have borne witness to several examples as of late, of adult children who in my opinion, did not deserve their parent's love. Call me cold. I would sever my love in a heart beat had it been my child. I seem to find myself becoming more black and white as I age. Less grey. Far less grey. I think I have given people in my past so many opportunities that I realize now I wasted so much of my precious life on them, days wasted that I cannot get back now. I have lived more life than I have left to live, and no one is going to get more from me than they deserve ever again. I wont mistake an ass for a horse again, trust me on that...lol. Someone said they wanted to love themselves unconditionally. I think thats what I am doing. Hands down. I come first. __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

02-04-2011, 03:29 AM	#10
Tcountry Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Country Boi Preferred Pronoun?: call it as u see it Relationship Status: Completely...complete ;) Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Either at the beach or in the pool Posts: 1,665 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,929 Thanked 4,287 Times in 1,181 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	It all depends on your definition of love...is it a feeling or an action...? If it is a feeling...it is possible to love...even when u r upset with a decision that person has made. If it is an action...what r u willing to do/go thru if that person really needed u? The only limit to unconditional love is the human condition...& what each is willing to do and/or put up with... Your limits define your conditions __________________ "You don't Find life worth living; You MAKE IT that way"

02-03-2011, 03:36 PM	#2
proximitywithoutintimacy Member How Do You Identify?: Rocker Lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: That One Girl ;) Relationship Status: Putting My Heart Back Together Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: USA Posts: 175 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 141 Thanked 290 Times in 106 Posts Rep Power: 670282	I believe in unconditional love; however, I also believe that unconditional love is very rare, when it comes to being IN love. It's what sets apart love from true love, in my opinion. Maybe I'm just talking in circles at this point in my rant, but honestly, I love someone who might possibly be the most broken human being I've ever known... for her, my love, I give my heart. You may all vomit now at my sappiness LOL.

02-03-2011, 04:08 PM	#3
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I don't know what people mean when they say they believe in unconditional love. Do they really mean that they would love someone no matter what they do? For me, that doesn't sound healthy. I love Pete, and I think she might be the one I want to marry, because I do want to get married again. I probably wouldn't wish her ill if she did something that made it impossible for us to be together, and of course time might reveal that we aren't right together, but I love her with all the complicated feelings that make me human. I wish I loved myself unconditionally.

02-03-2011, 08:53 PM	#5
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,907 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	If I love someone it is forever. The type of love may change, but I still love them.

02-03-2011, 10:04 PM	#6
IrishGrrl Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Leatherdyke Preferred Pronoun?: She/her Relationship Status: In a relationship/non-monogamous Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Fort Worth, TX Posts: 877 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 276 Thanked 1,209 Times in 366 Posts Rep Power: 2427288	My love is conditional yes. I may love someone, but withdraw my actions of love. I can love from afar, and I have stopped loving, it's not an intentional thing, it just happens. The only unconditional love I have is for my children.

02-04-2011, 02:01 PM	#7
Chancie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme-inist Relationship Status: I'm lucky. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Western Mass Posts: 3,774 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,518 Thanked 14,540 Times in 2,744 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I've been thinking about this thread a lot. I've never been the sort of girl who thinks Heathcliff is romantic; I've always thought that he was a reactive jerk and that Cathy was manipulative and thoughtless. But I suspect I am the exception. On the other hand, I have a huge amount of patience with the shenanigans of naughty teenagers, but very little patience with the thoughtless sharp tongues of some adults I've 'met' online. I've never cheated on anyone to whom I have been committed. Again, I suspect I am the exception. When members say they will always love someone they have loved at one time, what does that mean? If that is true, why have you (in general) cheated on your partner? Why have you taken expensive gifts when you know you aren't fully committed to your partner? Why do you share dramatic private details of your relationship?

02-04-2011, 05:28 AM	#11
Miss Scarlett Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: . Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: . Posts: 5,530 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,478 Thanked 12,947 Times in 3,419 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Many years ago this was part of an all night discussion with a dear friend (now departed). We concluded that there is such a thing but that it is different for everyone. My love (whether that be for my friends, family or partner) is one that loves and accepts people "warts and all." It's not something that I will take away if there is a disagreement, parting of ways or even if someone hurts me. I cannot just turn off my heart, just cannot...there will always be love there. This same friend wrote a beautiful song about his love for his friends here are the lyrics: Brother's Keeper Rich Mullins and Beaker Now the plummer's got a drip in his spigot The mechanic's got a clank in his car And the preacher's thinking thoughts that are wicked And the lover's got a lonely heart My friends ain't the way I wish they were They are just the way they are And I will be my brother's keeper Not the one who judges him I won't despise him for his weakness I won't regard him for his strength I won't take away his freedom I will help him learn to stand And I will, I will be my brother's keeper Now this roof has got a few missing shingles But at least we got ourselves a roof And they say that she's a fallen angel I wonder if she recalls when she last flew There's no point in pointing fingers Unless you're pointing to the truth And I will be my brother's keeper Not the one who judges him I won't despise him for his weakness I won't regard him for his strength I won't take away his freedom I will help him learn to stand And I will, I will be my brother's keeper I will be my brother's keeper Not the one who judges him I won't despise him for his weakness I won't regard him for his strength I won't take away his freedom I will help him learn to stand And I will, I will be my brother's keeper