Attraction = physical, mental, emotional...

[adorable]

When physical attraction has come first I have lost my head and stopped listening to my gut reactions. That wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done. BUT I apparently can do the same thing with mental/emotional attractions where I haven't met the person. I don't like either situation because the result can be the same. I struggle between putting on the brakes and just going with it constantly.

I get told I'm pretty all the time. I am most feminine in appearance. I have a gift for attracting exactly the opposite of what I want. My taste in people has always been for those who look mean. The meaner the better. There is just something about them. **sigh**

Last night I met a girl who looked mean. One of my friends had picked her out special for me due to the mean look- and kind of pushed us together. Then she opened her mouth. OMG. She ruined it. I like the mean look. I don't like crass or stupid. Someone really needs to be able to hold an intelligent conversation. She spent most of the night trying to convince me she was a gang member or in some real time mafia. Yeah. Fascinating. Everytime I got up I would go into the bathroom with my friends and try to formulate an escape route. (Yes, this is one of the reasons that girls go to the bathroom in a group.)

I like smart, mean, funny and sexy. The smarter, meaner and funnier they are the sexier they become to me. They also need to know how to act, at least in public, and preferably be able to carry a conversation about something other then sex, violence or sports. It's amazing how many people don't have that ability. If they aren't talking about themselves - then they really have nothing to talk about. That gets old fast. So does the feeling that I have to do all the work to keep things going. Seriously, if it's that hard to talk to me or pay attention to me - forget it. Keep it moving.

[AtLast]

Have to say that some kind of spiritual connection has to be made along with the rest for me to pursue someone....

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

Have to say that some kind of spiritual connection has to be made along with the rest for me to pursue someone....

you know I always say this and then forget my own rules. its important for me, essential in my life and my next relationship needs to have this. I think its really important to have things in common. I couldnt see myself with someone that hated the outdoors, gardening and animals. These are spiritual for me. I also need someone thats really really good to me...puts it out there because they feel it from a deep place.

I was with my sister today and we're maybe 4 years apart in age. We both agreed that settling was not an option. It's gotta be all or nothing.

[Naneegirl]

If you don’t know someone, if you’re meeting for the first time, there has to be something that makes you want to connect. Putting online aside for a moment, there’s going to be something about the way they look that catches your attention, something that causes that immediate visceral attraction. I’d venture to guess that even online there’s going to be something about the way you assume they look (that picture you build in your head) that catches your attention.

I’ve never really understood why it’s shallow to be attracted to certain physical qualities or why it’s shallow to pursue those attractions.

It seems to be considered a “bad thing about us” if we are only attracted to certain things. If we don’t pursue partnerships outside what we “typically” desire. If we say out loud that we desire xyz and only desire that. Why is that bad? Why is that shallow?

It seems to me that we are assigning a value judgment to our or others desire. Which leads me to ask…if you don’t desire something does that mean you are judging that thing to be bad? If someone does not want to be with you does that mean you are bad/awful/unworthy? Because, often when I’ve heard this type of statement it is said in the context of “you are a shallow (bad thing) if you can’t look beyond your desires”. Because a person doesn’t want to be with you romantically/sexually (whatever) does not mean that they find less value in you as a person? Because you don't want to be romantically/sexually with a person does that make you bad?

Perhaps people can explain what they mean by shallow. As I hear that word it a negative judgment of an act that seems damn typically human to me. We desire what we desire.

[Duchess]

SassyLeo, I completely understand where you're coming from. Physical appearance does matter, especially when you know absolutely nothing about the person except for what's on the outside. When you see a person for the first time, that's all you really have to go on. Unless you're studying them, which of course would be totally stalker like, you don't see their compassion, spiritual depth, love for animals, etc....

However, if you've had the opportunity to bond on some level via the phone or internet, then maybe the physical won't matter so much. As for me, I'm attracted to masculine women. I stopped asking why a long time ago. I just know I owe it to myself to go with what works for me...

Duchess