An Age Old Question... Can Butches, FTM And Femme's Just Be Best Friends?

LadyRieinAL · 11-22-2012, 08:48 PM

I'm blessed to have good friends from all walks of life - I have lifetime butch & femme friends - they've been with me through the handful of relationships I've been in - they love me, they have my back, they've been there through the joys and the sadness - anyone who comes into my life as my partner, must understand the level of love my friends have for me and I for them- and they will also come to the understanding that what my friends want most in life for me is for me to be happy -
so what was the question?
Can femmes be friends with butches? This femme can -

Electrocell · 11-22-2012, 09:20 PM

I have femme friends that I have no desire to be with other than a friend. I have however had gfs that thought differently. Didn't want me around anyone remotely feminine whether they were female or male.Had one that got jealous when I flirted with the drag queens or they with me. Figure that was safe Neither of us had what the other desired lol.

DapperButch · 11-22-2012, 09:40 PM

I don't find it to be a problem at all. I have also never been one to date a friend. Once I see you as a friend/once a person becomes a platonic friend, I can never see them any other way.

WolfyOne · 11-22-2012, 10:54 PM

Heck, not only do I have femme friends and butch friends, some of my exes are still my friends. I think when someone is in a relationship and very secure with it and themselves, why would they worry about any of the friendships you have with their partners. I think the biggest issue, is trust. Those that don't trust or have some of their own issues, are the ones with problems. For me, if a potential partner doesn't understand the difference between me and them or me and all my femme friends (and I have many) then maybe I'm not the right partner for them.

imperfect_cupcake · 11-22-2012, 11:07 PM

Oh completely. I have had some incredibly close and most trusted best mates that are butches over the years.
That said, I also occasionally screw my friends. But it doesn't matter if they are butch or femme or a burning shrub if it's just a friend-frolic.
As one of my older female friends said as I was growing up "if ya can't fuck yer friends... who *can* you fuck??"
I tend to agree. But I grew up in a clique of people who all did this so it's pretty normal to me, the odd frolic with a mate. *shrug*

I also have had friends, real honest friends that we both know a relationship would never, ever work but when both single, the chemistry is good so we shag around a bit. But that's a *very* particular dynamic and rare.

And I have friends, butch, femme, just me, straight, heteroflexible etc... that I'd never screw. It would be too weird.

but I love them to bits too.

aishah · 11-23-2012, 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

Heck, not only do I have femme friends and butch friends, some of my exes are still my friends. I think when someone is in a relationship and very secure with it and themselves, why would they worry about any of the friendships you have with their partners. I think the biggest issue, is trust. Those that don't trust or have some of their own issues, are the ones with problems. For me, if a potential partner doesn't understand the difference between me and them or me and all my femme friends (and I have many) then maybe I'm not the right partner for them.

this all the way.

my partner and i have friends of many different genders/expressions/orientations. i trust my partner not to cheat, he trusts me not to cheat.

JustJo · 11-23-2012, 06:53 AM

Absolutely....with the caveat that both the partner and the friends need to respect the relationship.

I'm comfortable with a partner of mine having femme friends, butch friends, trans friends, straight friends, friends who are exes, whatever. If there's flirting and what, to me, seems to be boundary-crossing...then that's another issue.

I'm a one-person, person....and my partner needs to be as well or our relationship simply won't work.

Dude · 11-23-2012, 10:38 AM

Partnered femmes have always been my biggest support system.
None have tried to get with me.

They have solid relationships and know I have good boundaries
or they likely would not have be-friended me to begin with.

I'll say it again
None have tried to get with me.

Thank you Partnered femmes for your friendships

Thank you to their partners for not seeing me as a bad friend choice.

Yes , it is possible.

Glenn · 11-22-2012, 11:10 PM

I was never involved in the community much, so I've had only three femme friends in my life. #1 was partnered with my best butch bud, and told me that she did'nt trust herself being alone with me. #2 was partnered with another butch bud, and flat out tried to get it on with me. #3 Did try to get with me, but is cool as long as I am, and after six years, we are still just friends.

11-22-2012, 10:54 PM	#4
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,390 Times in 4,137 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Heck, not only do I have femme friends and butch friends, some of my exes are still my friends. I think when someone is in a relationship and very secure with it and themselves, why would they worry about any of the friendships you have with their partners. I think the biggest issue, is trust. Those that don't trust or have some of their own issues, are the ones with problems. For me, if a potential partner doesn't understand the difference between me and them or me and all my femme friends (and I have many) then maybe I'm not the right partner for them. __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

11-23-2012, 06:53 AM	#7
JustJo Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Southeast corner Posts: 5,633 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,417 Thanked 25,404 Times in 4,660 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Absolutely....with the caveat that both the partner and the friends need to respect the relationship. I'm comfortable with a partner of mine having femme friends, butch friends, trans friends, straight friends, friends who are exes, whatever. If there's flirting and what, to me, seems to be boundary-crossing...then that's another issue. I'm a one-person, person....and my partner needs to be as well or our relationship simply won't work. __________________ I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters

11-22-2012, 08:48 PM	#1
LadyRieinAL Member How Do You Identify?: Evolving Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, girl, her Relationship Status: found my vibrational match Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Sweet Home Alabama Posts: 459 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,024 Thanked 1,214 Times in 281 Posts Rep Power: 18359992	I'm blessed to have good friends from all walks of life - I have lifetime butch & femme friends - they've been with me through the handful of relationships I've been in - they love me, they have my back, they've been there through the joys and the sadness - anyone who comes into my life as my partner, must understand the level of love my friends have for me and I for them- and they will also come to the understanding that what my friends want most in life for me is for me to be happy - so what was the question? Can femmes be friends with butches? This femme can -

11-22-2012, 09:20 PM	#2
Electrocell Member How Do You Identify?: Stonebutch Preferred Pronoun?: he/hy Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: TN Posts: 1,334 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,535 Thanked 2,768 Times in 981 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I have femme friends that I have no desire to be with other than a friend. I have however had gfs that thought differently. Didn't want me around anyone remotely feminine whether they were female or male.Had one that got jealous when I flirted with the drag queens or they with me. Figure that was safe Neither of us had what the other desired lol. __________________ Love and accept me for me not someone you want me to be.

11-22-2012, 09:40 PM	#3
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,807 Times in 5,771 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	I don't find it to be a problem at all. I have also never been one to date a friend. Once I see you as a friend/once a person becomes a platonic friend, I can never see them any other way. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

11-22-2012, 11:07 PM	#5
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,710 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Oh completely. I have had some incredibly close and most trusted best mates that are butches over the years. That said, I also occasionally screw my friends. But it doesn't matter if they are butch or femme or a burning shrub if it's just a friend-frolic. As one of my older female friends said as I was growing up "if ya can't fuck yer friends... who can you fuck??" I tend to agree. But I grew up in a clique of people who all did this so it's pretty normal to me, the odd frolic with a mate. shrug I also have had friends, real honest friends that we both know a relationship would never, ever work but when both single, the chemistry is good so we shag around a bit. But that's a very particular dynamic and rare. And I have friends, butch, femme, just me, straight, heteroflexible etc... that I'd never screw. It would be too weird. but I love them to bits too.

11-23-2012, 10:38 AM	#8
Dude Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Relationship Status: Perusing Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: exit 5 with an exit 21 goal Posts: 1,725 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 15,351 Thanked 10,605 Times in 1,477 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Partnered femmes have always been my biggest support system. None have tried to get with me. They have solid relationships and know I have good boundaries or they likely would not have be-friended me to begin with. I'll say it again None have tried to get with me. Thank you Partnered femmes for your friendships Thank you to their partners for not seeing me as a bad friend choice. Yes , it is possible.

11-22-2012, 11:10 PM	#9
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old thing Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,602 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I was never involved in the community much, so I've had only three femme friends in my life. #1 was partnered with my best butch bud, and told me that she did'nt trust herself being alone with me. #2 was partnered with another butch bud, and flat out tried to get it on with me. #3 Did try to get with me, but is cool as long as I am, and after six years, we are still just friends.