Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex?

Darbonaire · 12-01-2012, 04:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jules5041

I think absolutely you can be friends with an ex. I definately am. I was with my ex for ten years and I can't imagine not having hym currently in my life. We both evolved into the people we are today because of those ten years. I would hate to throw away such an important friendship just because we could not make our relationship work.

Thanks for letting me share!

Jules with numbers

I used to think the answer to this question would be "yes"...I have established friendships with ex's before but....now....I'm honestly not so sure...sad thing it is too....

Jonathan

ruffryder · 12-01-2012, 04:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Darbonaire

I used to think the answer to this question would be "yes"...I have established friendships with ex's before but....now....I'm honestly not so sure...sad thing it is too....

Jonathan

Some people can, some can't. Sometimes it is too difficult for one or both. Sometimes it's best to move on.. all depends on the situation and how both would like to proceed. For sure, it takes time to gain that friendship back after a relationship. Most importantly is to move on and leave out the past and your relationship as you both move forward to try.

Most I have stayed friends with as there was a friendship before and during the relationship.

Darbonaire · 12-01-2012, 05:43 PM

"We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present."

Marianne Williamson

Ginger · 12-04-2012, 08:15 PM

I think another good question is, Can a person be friends with her lover's exes, much less her own?

For me, sure. Usually it's no problem. There was an ex of a lover I didn't like, only because she wanted us to lie to her current girlfriend about something, and I felt creepy about that. But in general, it's not an issue.

Beloved · 12-05-2012, 06:04 AM

I am friends with most of my exes. In my experience if you were really hurt you need a time of healing before you are able to do so. It's totally possible.

Ginger · 12-05-2012, 06:12 AM

One of my cousins is dying of lung cancer right now. Not deathbed dying yet, but running out of options. Her ex-husband has been wonderful the whole time she's been sick. She always wanted to visit NYC and he took her on a vacation there with their girls. It is tender, what they have now.

I also know a friend of a friend who has a degenerative disease and her life is very compromised now. She had moved to be near her mother, and now her ex-husband bought a house near her, so he is in the neighborhood, as well.

In the town where my dad grew up, I woman I knew a little through their church was dying, and her ex-husband from decades back, moved in with her and nursed her to the end.

None of these were situations were about getting back together.

I know if anything happened to my ex, the main one, the one I lived with for ten years, I would be there. Her current partner is jealous of me; it hurts that we can't be friends and I don't think it will happen—but if it did, if she needed me, I would be there.

*Anya* · 12-05-2012, 07:00 AM

It really depends. I don't think there is a hard or fast rule.

My first girlfriend and I parted friends, lost touch for a long time and recently re-connected. It was just as though no time had passed.

My 19-year ex and I, no way. Over a year ago, she came to me with a big story about a recurrence of a prior brain tumor, with a week to live.

Previous brain tumor= true. Recurrence with a week to live=not true. After running around, sucked in, helping get her affairs in order and then finding out it was a manipulation-the total end for me. Never again.

A couple of months ago she came to my door, uninvited, to tell me she had breast cancer. I told her I could not help her- if it were true but how could I believe her? I sent her away and still hope I did the right thing but she had lied once too many times to me.

Another ex and I kind of drifted apart and each of us started dating other people. We really are not right for each other but genuinely like each other. We still text and talk on the phone almost every day. She asks me femme questions and I ask her butch ones! She tells me about her dates and I tell her about mine.

I think that we might always be friends.

The one rule about relationships is: there are no rules!

12-01-2012, 05:43 PM	#3
Darbonaire Timed Out How Do You Identify?: MALE Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: Working on myself, thank you Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 186 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 343 Thanked 552 Times in 145 Posts Rep Power: 0	Ahhh yes, "We do not heal the past by dwelling there; we heal the past by living fully in the present." Marianne Williamson

12-05-2012, 07:00 AM	#7
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,445 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	It really depends. I don't think there is a hard or fast rule. My first girlfriend and I parted friends, lost touch for a long time and recently re-connected. It was just as though no time had passed. My 19-year ex and I, no way. Over a year ago, she came to me with a big story about a recurrence of a prior brain tumor, with a week to live. Previous brain tumor= true. Recurrence with a week to live=not true. After running around, sucked in, helping get her affairs in order and then finding out it was a manipulation-the total end for me. Never again. A couple of months ago she came to my door, uninvited, to tell me she had breast cancer. I told her I could not help her- if it were true but how could I believe her? I sent her away and still hope I did the right thing but she had lied once too many times to me. Another ex and I kind of drifted apart and each of us started dating other people. We really are not right for each other but genuinely like each other. We still text and talk on the phone almost every day. She asks me femme questions and I ask her butch ones! She tells me about her dates and I tell her about mine. I think that we might always be friends. The one rule about relationships is: there are no rules! __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

12-04-2012, 08:15 PM	#4
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,296 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I think another good question is, Can a person be friends with her lover's exes, much less her own? For me, sure. Usually it's no problem. There was an ex of a lover I didn't like, only because she wanted us to lie to her current girlfriend about something, and I felt creepy about that. But in general, it's not an issue.

12-05-2012, 06:04 AM	#5
Beloved Member How Do You Identify?: alive Preferred Pronoun?: um Relationship Status: married Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: on the stars Posts: 460 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,415 Thanked 1,653 Times in 298 Posts Rep Power: 19348704	I am friends with most of my exes. In my experience if you were really hurt you need a time of healing before you are able to do so. It's totally possible.

12-05-2012, 06:12 AM	#6
Ginger Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme lesbian Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: East coast Posts: 2,416 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,829 Thanked 12,296 Times in 2,057 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	One of my cousins is dying of lung cancer right now. Not deathbed dying yet, but running out of options. Her ex-husband has been wonderful the whole time she's been sick. She always wanted to visit NYC and he took her on a vacation there with their girls. It is tender, what they have now. I also know a friend of a friend who has a degenerative disease and her life is very compromised now. She had moved to be near her mother, and now her ex-husband bought a house near her, so he is in the neighborhood, as well. In the town where my dad grew up, I woman I knew a little through their church was dying, and her ex-husband from decades back, moved in with her and nursed her to the end. None of these were situations were about getting back together. I know if anything happened to my ex, the main one, the one I lived with for ten years, I would be there. Her current partner is jealous of me; it hurts that we can't be friends and I don't think it will happen—but if it did, if she needed me, I would be there.