Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex?

VintageFemme · 12-05-2012, 11:46 AM

I think so. If given enough to time to heal any wounds or put away any left over baggage, yeah I believe so. I am friends with all of my exes save for one, and I think I would be now with that one as well. Of course I've never been in a relationship that included infidelity or something equally as hurtful so perhaps I might feel differently if I had been, but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to carry around anger or bitterness for too long. You have to learn to let go & forgiveness truly is freeing. And there was something that brought you two together in the first place anyhow, so in the end hopefully that something is still there and each of you can learn to love that something in a different light, together apart.

GraffitiBoi · 01-06-2013, 04:08 AM

I used to think you couldn't, and then I thought you could. But now I think it depends on the ex.

My ex 'J' and I cannot be friends and have actually ended our friendship for good yesterday. I won't get into the details, but I will say that trying to be friends with her got in the way of me being able to be in a relationship with anyone else. It took getting my heart broken recently to see that clearly. Lesson learned. I only wish I had learned this lesson much earlier.

My ex 'A' and I are actually good friends. We tend to forget we ever dated since there never was really any passion there. We did love each other but it was never in a romantic way. We basically were roommates with occasional benefits. She doesn't ever get in the way of me being with someone else and she never tries to control me in any way. She's like a sister to me and is the only person I have really ever trusted with anything important. We don't talk often, and see each other even less, but if I was in trouble she'd try and help or listen without judging me or lecturing me. When she needs a babysitter for her 2 year old daughter I often volunteer. So although she is an ex, I don't think of her that way. She's just another friend.

Other than that, I have no contact with any other exes. I see no reason for it. I never loved them. I cared for them at one time but that's about it.

12-05-2012, 11:46 AM	#1
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I think so. If given enough to time to heal any wounds or put away any left over baggage, yeah I believe so. I am friends with all of my exes save for one, and I think I would be now with that one as well. Of course I've never been in a relationship that included infidelity or something equally as hurtful so perhaps I might feel differently if I had been, but I have learned the hard way that life is just too short to carry around anger or bitterness for too long. You have to learn to let go & forgiveness truly is freeing. And there was something that brought you two together in the first place anyhow, so in the end hopefully that something is still there and each of you can learn to love that something in a different light, together apart. __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity

01-06-2013, 04:08 AM	#2
GraffitiBoi Member How Do You Identify?: Transmasculine Preferred Pronoun?: Male ones Relationship Status: Playing around and having fun Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Minnetonka, MN Posts: 903 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 990 Thanked 3,663 Times in 824 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I used to think you couldn't, and then I thought you could. But now I think it depends on the ex. My ex 'J' and I cannot be friends and have actually ended our friendship for good yesterday. I won't get into the details, but I will say that trying to be friends with her got in the way of me being able to be in a relationship with anyone else. It took getting my heart broken recently to see that clearly. Lesson learned. I only wish I had learned this lesson much earlier. My ex 'A' and I are actually good friends. We tend to forget we ever dated since there never was really any passion there. We did love each other but it was never in a romantic way. We basically were roommates with occasional benefits. She doesn't ever get in the way of me being with someone else and she never tries to control me in any way. She's like a sister to me and is the only person I have really ever trusted with anything important. We don't talk often, and see each other even less, but if I was in trouble she'd try and help or listen without judging me or lecturing me. When she needs a babysitter for her 2 year old daughter I often volunteer. So although she is an ex, I don't think of her that way. She's just another friend. Other than that, I have no contact with any other exes. I see no reason for it. I never loved them. I cared for them at one time but that's about it.