Poly Relationships

[girl_dee]

Hi there!

i'm glad to see you trying again if that is what you wish for. i've learned quite a lot about myself over the last 2 years and much more about others.

i've always been wired for poly but needed someone who was 100% honest, trusting and fully devoted to leave me feeling confident enough to avoid all feelings of jealousy.

One thing is for sure, ANY iota of dishonesty or hidden agenda will crumble the circle.

it was once described to me as a spider web, and if one of the spiders anywhere on the web pulls. the whole web pulls, it may not fall but it's felt by everyone involved.

How true that has been for us.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Hi there!

i'm glad to see you trying again if that is what you wish for. i've learned quite a lot about myself over the last 2 years and much more about others.

i've always been wired for poly but needed someone who was 100% honest, trusting and fully devoted to leave me feeling confident enough to avoid all feelings of jealousy.

One thing is for sure, ANY iota of dishonesty or hidden agenda will crumble the circle.

it was once described to me as a spider web, and if one of the spiders anywhere on the web pulls. the whole web pulls, it may not fall but it's felt by everyone involved.

How true that has been for us.

I think dishonesty in any relationship is sucky. I hate secrets and being in the dark.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by Sachita

I think dishonesty in any relationship is sucky. I hate secrets and being in the dark.

Very true but the difference is that many people are directly affected where a poly relationship is concerned.

[*Anya*]

The woman I am involved with has a long-term butch friend that lives in OR.

Her friend lives in a compound-type setting with 2-3 other butches, each with their own small house.

The femme of the group has her own small house.

They all have their own chores and jobs in the compound and each has their own day/night with the femme.

They all get along and all are friends.

To me, on the face of it, it sounds like an awesome fantasy but in practicality, it would be very difficult. I don't know if it takes a special kind of person to be able to do this in real life but it would be very hard for me.

No judging at all here.

I just know myself and what I could do and not do. Poly would not be a life I could live.

[girl_dee]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

The woman I am involved with has a long-term butch friend that lives in OR.

Her friend lives in a compound-type setting with 2-3 other butches, each with their own small house.

The femme of the group has her own small house.

They all have their own chores and jobs in the compound and each has their own day/night with the femme.

They all get along and all are friends.

To me, on the face of it, it sounds like an awesome fantasy but in practicality, it would be very difficult. I don't know if it takes a special kind of person to be able to do this in real life but it would be very hard for me.

No judging at all here.

I just know myself and what I could do and not do. Poly would not be a life I could live.

i think in some way, our farm will be just what you described, only no sex or play amongst everyone.

[DamonK]

I am currently in a poly relationship. I've 2 partners under the same roof. I spend time with both of them individually and as a group. Sometimes I sleep with one. Sometimes with another. Communication is paramount. As is trust. Technically, MBE is primary. I will discuss things with her before going to my other partner usually. However, my time is pretty equal. And there are times that I cannot spend with either.... Such as finals week in school. They work together to support me so I can be a student.

The biggest change I would make is I don't have a room of my own. Sometimes, I don't wanna sleep with either of them! Maybe I wanna lay in bed and talk on the phone until I or the other person falls asleep. Maybe I wanna read. Maybe I just wanna be alone. I told them both, if we should move, I want my own room. I would be ok with primarily living with MBE and then living with my other partner for some of the time.

I would accept a 3rd. That is it though.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by DamonK

I am currently in a poly relationship. I've 2 partners under the same roof. I spend time with both of them individually and as a group. Sometimes I sleep with one. Sometimes with another. Communication is paramount. As is trust. Technically, MBE is primary. I will discuss things with her before going to my other partner usually. However, my time is pretty equal. And there are times that I cannot spend with either.... Such as finals week in school. They work together to support me so I can be a student.

The biggest change I would make is I don't have a room of my own. Sometimes, I don't wanna sleep with either of them! Maybe I wanna lay in bed and talk on the phone until I or the other person falls asleep. Maybe I wanna read. Maybe I just wanna be alone. I told them both, if we should move, I want my own room. I would be ok with primarily living with MBE and then living with my other partner for some of the time.

I would accept a 3rd. That is it though.

I must have my own room and my own space. I would also make sure whomever I was with had the same. I don't blame you

[Ms. Meander]

Originally Posted by girl_dee

Hi there!

i'm glad to see you trying again if that is what you wish for. i've learned quite a lot about myself over the last 2 years and much more about others.

i've always been wired for poly but needed someone who was 100% honest, trusting and fully devoted to leave me feeling confident enough to avoid all feelings of jealousy.

One thing is for sure, ANY iota of dishonesty or hidden agenda will crumble the circle.

it was once described to me as a spider web, and if one of the spiders anywhere on the web pulls. the whole web pulls, it may not fall but it's felt by everyone involved.

How true that has been for us.

Honesty. Yes. I need it. Secrets literally make me ill. I am very intuitive and empathic so when something is being kept from me, I sense it. Sometimes I can name it and sometimes it just makes me ill - especially when I try to name it and it is denied by someone else. I just have no space and tolerance for that. Even if the truth is hard, I find it much more acceptable than the alternatives!

I know it can get complicated the more people you add. I know I can do it and that gives me faith that others out there can too. I think I'm prepared for some trial and error, and perhaps some disappointments. But that's part of life, right? What I can do is be my best self and attract the same. I'm here to learn. With an absolutely open and loving heart.