Infidelity

Rockinonahigh · 03-24-2010, 09:45 PM

One thing I know is that over the years I have lost a lot of trust,expectation,hopes and dreams about ever really trusting anyone because of what I have gone thrue in my relationships both personal and with colse family.I've been to hell and back in my life and it is still takeing me time to realise I now have a real home that unless something really really big happends,will be hear for me to call home and that all the utilities work nd I will be warm when its cold.Many wonder why I dont really take the time to date,have a relationship ect...its just to much to explane to them but they dont need to know anyway.
Yep the liers,cheaters and users of the world can and do take everything out of the ppl they hurt..they dont care they just keep on useing and hurting ppl to get what they want.Folks, u know what? Sooner or later they get it back cause one of these days someone with worse carma than they have will get em good.

Random · 03-24-2010, 10:13 PM

For me...

Cheating is my partner developing feelings for someone, acting on those feelings and not telling me about it..

Mic and I define and redefine what we expect from each other, what is cheating, what are hard limits? What is going to cause a crack in our foundation?

If my partner meets someone and there is chemistry or sparks and she acts on that chemistry, spark, attraction.. Then she needs to tell me about it.. Before hand would be nice, but truthfuly, as long as she practice safe sex and has a good time and tells me about it.. It's all good..

That has nothing to do with our relationship.. What she might have with someone else doesn't take anything from our relationship.

Now Lying or Hiding something... well.. that doesn't work.. That would break the rules of our relationship.. That would cause a weak spot in our foundation.. A crack that could be patched, but the scar would always be there.. During a earthquake, it would be a weak spot..

We both have had partners cheat long term on us.. The pain that it caused was quite unnescesary..We both agree.. If it ever came to a place where one of us wanted someone else beyond wanting each other.. Then each other will be the first to know.. not the last... Truth, even when brutally honest, is
the rule...

Gemme · 03-24-2010, 11:40 PM

The problem with cheating is that the deception and secrecy and lies that come hand in hand with it create a rift. It separates the couple as well as affecting future relationships associated with the person who was cheated on. Not entirely unlike an STD or a virus, it keeps giving itself over and over, with every new partner the cheated on person has a relationship with. It grows and festers and creates a deep-seated distrust of any and all partners, because of the actions of one person. One person's tainted seed ruins all future gardens.

Or maybe it's just me.

Random · 03-25-2010, 07:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemme

The problem with cheating is that the deception and secrecy and lies that come hand in hand with it create a rift. It separates the couple as well as affecting future relationships associated with the person who was cheated on. Not entirely unlike an STD or a virus, it keeps giving itself over and over, with every new partner the cheated on person has a relationship with. It grows and festers and creates a deep-seated distrust of any and all partners, because of the actions of one person. One person's tainted seed ruins all future gardens.

Or maybe it's just me.

For me.. you hit it on the nail... It's the dishonesty, the lies.. It effects not only the pair bonding but your trust in yourself... How did I not see that this person was capible of this? How did I not see the signs.. Then there is the ever famous... *I know that xxxx loved me beyond words, I know that is true.. I would have bet my life that they would never lie to me.. Never willingly hurt me... If they could do this to me, being who they are, then how can I trust anyone ever to be honest with me again? How can I belive in a world where the only truth was a lie?*

It shifts your world view and changes who you are...

I know for me... It wasn't all bad.. It made me grow up and see the world as it is.. It made me aware, made me self reliant.. it turned me into someone who is mistress of her own house, her own heart... Lol.. It turned the princess into a Queen...

Deborah · 03-25-2010, 08:36 AM

DEAL BREAKER for me...no I'm sorry, no lets try again, no no no no....and that is the first thing I tell anyone that I am going into a relationship with. If your attention is drawn away from me to someone else - I say 'if they can get you they can have you' because you aren't the person I want...end of story....next!

Apocalipstic · 03-25-2010, 08:45 AM

I think if you know you can't stick to one person (and you do know that) decide to be Polyamorous or have an open relationship.

Lies and secrets suck!

I don't have the nerves for more than one woman. The very thought gives me a headache!

Apocalipstic · 03-25-2010, 08:46 AM

Oh......

And,

If someone cheats on their partner with you, what makes you think they won't cheat on you later?

DUH.

03-24-2010, 10:13 PM	#2
Random Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: back in the land of trees and snow Posts: 2,072 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,017 Thanked 5,327 Times in 1,378 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	For me... Cheating is my partner developing feelings for someone, acting on those feelings and not telling me about it.. Mic and I define and redefine what we expect from each other, what is cheating, what are hard limits? What is going to cause a crack in our foundation? If my partner meets someone and there is chemistry or sparks and she acts on that chemistry, spark, attraction.. Then she needs to tell me about it.. Before hand would be nice, but truthfuly, as long as she practice safe sex and has a good time and tells me about it.. It's all good.. That has nothing to do with our relationship.. What she might have with someone else doesn't take anything from our relationship. Now Lying or Hiding something... well.. that doesn't work.. That would break the rules of our relationship.. That would cause a weak spot in our foundation.. A crack that could be patched, but the scar would always be there.. During a earthquake, it would be a weak spot.. We both have had partners cheat long term on us.. The pain that it caused was quite unnescesary..We both agree.. If it ever came to a place where one of us wanted someone else beyond wanting each other.. Then each other will be the first to know.. not the last... Truth, even when brutally honest, is the rule... __________________ ~Volunteer~ "It gets in your blood"

03-24-2010, 11:40 PM	#3
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,932 Times in 25,667 Posts Rep Power: 21474888	The problem with cheating is that the deception and secrecy and lies that come hand in hand with it create a rift. It separates the couple as well as affecting future relationships associated with the person who was cheated on. Not entirely unlike an STD or a virus, it keeps giving itself over and over, with every new partner the cheated on person has a relationship with. It grows and festers and creates a deep-seated distrust of any and all partners, because of the actions of one person. One person's tainted seed ruins all future gardens. Or maybe it's just me. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated. Last edited by Gemme; 03-24-2010 at 11:48 PM.

03-25-2010, 08:36 AM	#5
Deborah Member How Do You Identify?: queer femme Preferred Pronoun?: Babydoll is a start.... Relationship Status: Mrs. Livingston 4/20/2013 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville where my heart belongs... Posts: 611 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,451 Thanked 1,454 Times in 276 Posts Rep Power: 14676215	DEAL BREAKER for me...no I'm sorry, no lets try again, no no no no....and that is the first thing I tell anyone that I am going into a relationship with. If your attention is drawn away from me to someone else - I say 'if they can get you they can have you' because you aren't the person I want...end of story....next! __________________ "Slow to trust but I'm quick to love, I push too hard and I give too much, I aint saying I'm perfect, but I promise I'm worth it" "The Good Within Me Honors The Good Within You"

03-25-2010, 08:45 AM	#6
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I think if you know you can't stick to one person (and you do know that) decide to be Polyamorous or have an open relationship. Lies and secrets suck! I don't have the nerves for more than one woman. The very thought gives me a headache! __________________

03-25-2010, 08:46 AM	#7
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,362 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Oh...... And, If someone cheats on their partner with you, what makes you think they won't cheat on you later? DUH. __________________

03-24-2010, 09:45 PM	#1
Rockinonahigh Senior Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: makes no diffrence,I know who I am. Relationship Status: single,maybe looking if the right person comes along. Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: shreveport,Louisiana Posts: 4,907 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,682 Thanked 14,933 Times in 3,938 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	One thing I know is that over the years I have lost a lot of trust,expectation,hopes and dreams about ever really trusting anyone because of what I have gone thrue in my relationships both personal and with colse family.I've been to hell and back in my life and it is still takeing me time to realise I now have a real home that unless something really really big happends,will be hear for me to call home and that all the utilities work nd I will be warm when its cold.Many wonder why I dont really take the time to date,have a relationship ect...its just to much to explane to them but they dont need to know anyway. Yep the liers,cheaters and users of the world can and do take everything out of the ppl they hurt..they dont care they just keep on useing and hurting ppl to get what they want.Folks, u know what? Sooner or later they get it back cause one of these days someone with worse carma than they have will get em good.