Is the customer really always right? What they said/what you wish could say...

[Hollylane]

Me: Is there anything else I can help you with today Jeremy?

Jeremy: Yes, there is Hollylane. Can you come over and make me breakfast?

Me: Um....no, but that was original Jeremy...

[Hollylane]

Here's a thought...If you haven't paid your bill in several months, broken every payment arrangement, have a bill that is over $300 in arrears, and are pending interruption of your service, and you're calling customer service to ask for another extension, it's probably a good idea to treat your CSR with some respect, instead using dripping sarcasm and nastiness, despite their every effort at remaining calm and cordial.

For most of us, it is easy to figure out that being nasty to someone, is really not a good way to ask them to do you a favor.

I'm just sayin'...

Also, CSRs are required to ask certain verification questions, to secure your personal information, to set up payment arrangements, and to make changes to your account. We don't do it to annoy you, and we don't do it to keep you on the phone (we have stats to meet. So, why would we do that?).

If you want off the phone sooner, all you have to do is realize, that we are required to do our jobs as we are trained, and cannot change that for you without reprimand, and we want to remain employed. If you keep talking about it, and complaining to the person helping you, your call to customer service just keeps getting longer.

[Hollylane]

Me: Thank you for calling ____Electric, my name is Hollylane. May I have the address that I can help you with?

Customer: 7895 NE 22nd PL

Me: Thank you. I heard 7895 NE 22nd PL, is that correct?

Customer: Yeah.

Me: I am unable to locate that in our system, do you have an account with us at that address?

Customer: No, I have service with ____ Gas & Electric.

Me (on mute "Oh for the love of..."): May I have the address that I can help you with?

Customer: Yeah. I'm callin' about my closed account with you people.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Me: Thank you for calling ____Electric, my name is Hollylane. May I have the address that I can help you with?

Customer: PO Box 449, Astoria, Oregon.

Me: May I have the address that you have service with us at?

Customer (exaggerated sigh): PO Box 449, Astoria, Oregon.

Me: May I have the address where we provide electric service to you?

Customer: Can you look it up by my name? My name is Mrs. Jones.

Me (on mute "are you fucking serious?"): What is your first name Mrs. Jones?

Customer: Why do you need that?



~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Me: Thank you for calling ____Electric, my name is Hollylane. May I have the address that I can help you with?

Customer (mobile phone cutting in and out, crackling painfully): ________ Johnson Creek ___ Barbara ______ payment ______ HELLO???_____ Need ____ Don't _____

Me: Ma'am, I'm unable to hear you, can you move and find a clearer signal?

Customer: No ____ you listen ____ with it ____ HELLO???

Me: Ma'am, I am sorry, I am unable to hear you, please call us back at 503-XXX-XXXX, when you reach a better coverage area.

Customer: Don't ___ dare ____ up _____ HELLO???? ____ stupid bitch ____ hung ____ on me #$$@#@#$!!!!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I ask you, does it really need to be this difficult? What is wrong with people?

[Hollylane]

Me: Is there anything else I can help you with today Mary?

Mary: Well yes, as a matter fact there is. I have some floors that need mopping. Why don't you come over and help this little old lady, and then we can have tea and sandwiches afterward! I just really enjoy talking with you Hollylane.

Me: Oh Mary, I would much rather come mop your floors and chat with you, than take the next 50 calls. That is the best offer I've had all day! Now, if only that paid the bills!

[Hollylane]

I wish I could send a psychic long-winded message to customers everywhere and ask them, for the love of Dog, to stop harassing customer service reps about company policies, or corporate level decisions.

I get it. You're frustrated, you waited on hold a long time, your bill is high, your power is off, you don't like sharing your social security number or even the last 4 digits of it, you think the big corporations are out to get the little guy (you're probably right, but I'm not going to chat with you about it on the recorded line of my employer)...etc.etc...

Speaking for CSRs...

I am not responsible for any of these complaints, whether they are valid or not, I did not personally do anything to you or your family, I didn't make the policies, I can't change the policies, I can't erase your charges...etc.

Write a letter to the corporate office, speak with the public utilities commission, your elected representatives, take the fucking survey I'm required to shove down your throat during every call...but for Dog's Sake, stop treating me like shit, when I am trying so hard to get to the root of the reason for your call, and get to that next customer, who is waiting too long on hold (the same thing you probably complained about), because you can't get down to business.

If you want help with your account, work with me. Try not to dive down the rabbit hole of chatter when you haven't supplied me with the address I asked you for, so that I can see what the hell you are even talking about. I understand you are busy, and can't stay on the phone for a long time, but if you give me 3 minutes of push back about me placing you on hold to resolve something for you, how is that helping the situation?

If you have a problem with giving out your personal information, address that with someone who has the ability to do something about those policies. I can't help you with your account, until you verify your account, and I'm not going to skip that part, risking my job, because you are having a fit about it. Why do we have to continue having this conversation?

Please realize, that we are given stats and goals that we are required to meet, to stay employed, because we have to pay the same bills you do. I am not independently wealthy simply because I am employed, so quit with the wisecracks, when I ask if there is anything else I can help you with, it is not as funny as you think, to say "you could pay my bill". I have bills too. Also, this is not a dating service, I don't have time or inclination to flirt with you. I am required to express, during each call, that I am helpful, friendly, empathetic, knowledgeable, efficient, and thorough. I also am required to use many phrases and words during each call. I am required to do all of this and make sure the reason you called is resolved, you don't feel the need to call back, make you feel good about both myself and the company I work for, and have an average handle time (total time of the call, plus any work that needs to be done to complete your request after the call) of 320 (apprx 5 min) seconds, to be an excellent employee, I have to do this in 280 seconds (apprx 4 min).

Keep in mind, that in corporate America, in order to keep the money in the shareholders' pockets, companies will continue to downsize, and expect the employees left behind, to pick up the work of their fallen comrades (usually with no additional pay incentive), and I am generally taking more calls than any human should be expected to in one day, because some jackass wants more money than one human could spend in a lifetime. Again, not my decision, nothing I can do about it, I am simply trying to remain employed.

I am not hear for your verbal abuse, I am here to help. Admittedly, there are some people in customer service jobs, that are burned out, detached from their customers and their struggles, are cold, jaded, and callused from years in the business, but keep in mind, we are not all the same, a lot of us genuinely are trying to make your situation better, in the best way or only way that we can, with the limited tools at our disposal.

Last, but certainly not least important...

When you call me, please give me your undivided attention. I shouldn't have to repeat my opening line (another requirement) 3 times, because the television, internet, friends, drive-through, toilet time, screaming children etc are distracting you. I am tired, I have to talk to 99 more people today, and you making me repeat myself multiple times during a call, because you are not paying attention, is just plain cruel.

End today's rant...

[maryam]

I used to work at an airline. One of the Big 6 Usian ones. While I was watching the weather last weekend, I felt badly for my friends who still work there. One night a few years ago, when there was BAD snow and we had cascading cancellations ahead of the storm (sometimes the hub system bites) we were ALL on mandatory overtime. I was on the 430 pm to 130 am shift, (normally the last shift of the day) but they held us over to work, especially international agents because we were recovering from the killer snowstorms in Europe. This was the that bad winter a few years ago where they got snow in England and Italy and all the spots in between...

So we're in our last hour of legality and we all get to go in late the next day, since it's now going on 7 am.... And we're rebooking as best we can, and explaining to people that even if we did have seats leaving today, the chances of those flights going out on schedule are kind of in the negative numbers. And people are bitchy and mad because of course the airlines control the weather! (Y'all did know that, right? Airlines totally control the weather!) I'm on call work time because I need a brain break and I hear one of my friends saying the following, through gritted teeth.

"Yes sir, I am certain we have no planes leaving this morning."

"Yes sir, I'm aware there's only 10 inches of snow out there, but you'll be flying into a blizzard. That's why we cancelled your flight."

"No sir, there are no planes leaving Hartford for the West Coast today."

"Sir, I'm pretty sure that if you DO walk over to the other side of the airport and look out the windows of the other terminal, you'll find that it IS snowing on that side of the airport too."

By now, the whole freaking bay is howling with laughter, because we've been dealing with this crap ALL night long and we'd gotten to the slap-happy and goofy stagee around 4 am. The poor man (and I did kinda feel bad for him yells "What the hell is so funny bitch! What are you laughing about?" so loud we can all hear it and then Lisa starts giggling so hard she can hardly talk. She's gasping out "I'm so -- sorry-- sir--- we've just -- been up all night" between giggles and we're all just dying from laughter. She says "oh no Sir-- it's really not -- giggle wheeze-- funny. --snerk--- I swear, I'm taking this very --giggle snort!-- seriously" By now we have a supervisor over to see why we're all dying here. The supe (who was awesome! Our night time supervisor was great!) just walked around and started turning off our phone boxes... She grabs Lisa's head set and says "Well sir, I understand you're unhappy about the weather. Sadly, we can't turn the snow off for you...." By this time, Lisa's lost the seats she was trying to get so he's stuck another three days in Hartford. She pulls the head set off because he's shouting again, and we hear him saying "I'll see you all in Hell Bitch!" and the supe puts the head set back on and says "well, Sir, I see you're having a bad day. Why don't you take some time to get settled down and call back.. Thanks for calling Awesome Airlines" and hangs up on him. It was so darn funny because we were only allowed to hang up on the obscene callers, and only after we'd asked them for a res.

Even though it was mandatory overtime, she sent us all out about 20 minutes before she was supposed to because we were so done. Even now, when a customer's getting snarky, there's still a running joke at that reservation center about "Well, let me just run over to the other side of the airport and check the weather for you."

[Corkey]

On the customer side of it.
Sometimes those little head sets are too far away from a CR's mouth that I can't hear what you* are saying much less agree to your asking me if I can be placed on hold. So if I say 3 times I can't hear you* please speak up, please do not be short with me.