Pride in a Small Town: A Musing on Visibility

[Enchantress]

Just amazing.

Thank you so much for sharing this with us all.

Bravo to you and all of the participants who chose to stand and be proud rather than hide in fear!

By standing up to anger, hate and ignorance, you (all) have helped to pave the way of tolerance, knowledge and understanding!

I also believe that if there is a God, he or she loves all who honour life!!

[Write14u]

Awesome story, Medusa. I've been to various pride celebrations, but all in bigger cities. Coming from a small town, I know the impact of doing something of that scale in such a small city. Kudos for participating and putting queers to the forefront!!

[Diva]

I loved that. Thank you for telling us.....what a great day!

[Andrew, Jr.]

Medusa,

I really like to ready and reread stories like this! We are all made in God's image - I hate it when people spew hate. Ugh! I loved the pictures that were included! Wow! Love it! You are inspiring beyond imagination.

Thank you for sharing this with us! God bless you!

[AtLast]

My heart & soul remains in the small towns of my early childhood. I miss the honesty and sureness of a handshake. And the grace of true neighbors. I often think about returning to a rural life. A more quiet and intimate life. It makes me very sad to know that so many of us would really live more at peace in a small town and fear moving back to one.

[Medusa]

Originally Posted by AtLastHome

My heart & soul remains in the small towns of my early childhood. I miss the honesty and sureness of a handshake. And the grace of true neighbors. I often think about returning to a rural life. A more quiet and intimate life. It makes me very sad to know that so many of us would really live more at peace in a small town and fear moving back to one.

Nothing to fear

Jack and I moved to a very small town after living in Los Angeles. We have been in our small town in Arkansas for 6 months and I can honestly say that we have experienced no direct homophobia. Sure, I have seen exactly 2 bumper stickers since being here with the little "man plus woman equals marriage" symbols, but in all honesty, I saw those all over Los Angeles as well.

I would love it if my husband would come into this thread and talk about her experiences of living as a Butch here. She has a pretty unique perspective and has mentioned several times that she feels more comfortable in Arkansas as a visible Butch than she ever did in Los Angeles. Our friend, Niceguy, has said much the same thing and has lived here his entire life.
We have speculated that maybe country folks are used to seeing "tomboyish" women because of all of the women who do farm labor here or all of the "country girls" who wear camo and hunt. Or maybe its just that country folks do they whole "bless their heart" thing and move on.

Don't get me wrong, we have some damn ingorant fools here but my experience is that we have no more ignorant fools here than I have encountered in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Baltimore, San Francisco (!), and even Seattle. You will find them everywhere, of course.

We had some long discussions in our house around the time of planning the Reunion for this reason. The idea for some that Arkansas is a bunch of "white racist homophobes" and that some folks might not feel safe. My honest experience, after having traveled all over the world is that for the most part, Arkansas (especially the Little Rock metro area and college towns) feels a lot like Portland, Atlanta, and even Austin on a lot of levels. It feels gay-friendly to me as a Femme, and Jack will tell you the same when she comes in here.

I can certainly tell a difference in the last 5 years after moving back here from Los Angeles. It seems like there has been an explosion of Gayness here! TONS of Pride events, clubs, churches, and organizations doing anti-oppression work and such. It's a noticeable difference in Conway as well. Just as an example, when Jack and I went and filed for the business license together for The Planet, the clerk didnt even blink when Jack asked her when they were going to allow Gay Marriage in Arkansas. I think her response was something like, "Well, we haven't gotten that far but we're working on it."
We have met tons of friendly folks who are inquisitive in respectful ways about our relationship, who offer stories of the other Gay folks that they know, and who are supportive of us as partnered Queers. Even the ladies who work at the convenience store where Jack buys her chew fawn and coo over us when we come in. It's like we're their Queerpets or something.

Not saying it's perfect. It's not. But it isnt the banjo-playing homophobia-Mecca that a lot of folks think it is. Every small town has its own flavor of course.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Medusa

Nothing to fear

Jack and I moved to a very small town after living in Los Angeles. We have been in our small town in Arkansas for 6 months and I can honestly say that we have experienced no direct homophobia. Sure, I have seen exactly 2 bumper stickers since being here with the little "man plus woman equals marriage" symbols, but in all honesty, I saw those all over Los Angeles as well.

I would love it if my husband would come into this thread and talk about her experiences of living as a Butch here. She has a pretty unique perspective and has mentioned several times that she feels more comfortable in Arkansas as a visible Butch than she ever did in Los Angeles. Our friend, Niceguy, has said much the same thing and has lived here his entire life.
We have speculated that maybe country folks are used to seeing "tomboyish" women because of all of the women who do farm labor here or all of the "country girls" who wear camo and hunt. Or maybe its just that country folks do they whole "bless their heart" thing and move on.

Don't get me wrong, we have some damn ingorant fools here but my experience is that we have no more ignorant fools here than I have encountered in Los Angeles, Las Vegas, Baltimore, San Francisco (!), and even Seattle. You will find them everywhere, of course.

We had some long discussions in our house around the time of planning the Reunion for this reason. The idea for some that Arkansas is a bunch of "white racist homophobes" and that some folks might not feel safe. My honest experience, after having traveled all over the world is that for the most part, Arkansas (especially the Little Rock metro area and college towns) feels a lot like Portland, Atlanta, and even Austin on a lot of levels. It feels gay-friendly to me as a Femme, and Jack will tell you the same when she comes in here.

I can certainly tell a difference in the last 5 years after moving back here from Los Angeles. It seems like there has been an explosion of Gayness here! TONS of Pride events, clubs, churches, and organizations doing anti-oppression work and such. It's a noticeable difference in Conway as well. Just as an example, when Jack and I went and filed for the business license together for The Planet, the clerk didnt even blink when Jack asked her when they were going to allow Gay Marriage in Arkansas. I think her response was something like, "Well, we haven't gotten that far but we're working on it."
We have met tons of friendly folks who are inquisitive in respectful ways about our relationship, who offer stories of the other Gay folks that they know, and who are supportive of us as partnered Queers. Even the ladies who work at the convenience store where Jack buys her chew fawn and coo over us when we come in. It's like we're their Queerpets or something.

Not saying it's perfect. It's not. But it isnt the banjo-playing homophobia-Mecca that a lot of folks think it is. Every small town has its own flavor of course.

Thank you, Dusa! Actually, I think small-town folk get a bad rap about this overall. Enlightened, loving, open people live in every kind of place all over the world. And I wonder if we were to just go where we want to live and join communities, maybe things would change. Face our fears and liv e our lives! I know that I long for more quiet and simplicity. I miss the country life a lot. Frankly, sometimes the in-your-face activism here in the SF Bay Area is far too hostile and turns me off. So, what does it do to people that just have no experience with us? I want all civil rights for all queers, but, diplomacy goes a long way in getting things accomplished and forming coalitions of understanding.

It would be great to hear what jack experiences as a butch in your small town. I think there can be differences. I keep thinking about moving to a smaller, more rural area. I know i would want some kind of community around me, but I really don't care if its B-F focused, gay men, whatever. And hell, when I want to be with the numbers, I can visit SF! I don't know, I think aging has something to do with this with me. I just don't seem to have the same level of need for a huge queerdom around me anymore. Never been a large group person and prefer really knowing a few people as real friends instead of faux friendships-a-plenty.

[blackboot]

wow...thank you Medusa for sharing your story along with the pictures. I was moved to tears. I am so proud to be a member of the LGBTQ Community.

[Rockinonahigh]

Madusa please let us all know when the next pride is in Ark...I think I can get e fue from hear to come,besides myself.

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by blackboot

wow...thank you Medusa for sharing your story along with the pictures. I was moved to tears. I am so proud to be a member of the LGBTQ Community.

Me, too, Blackboot! Dusa's story is inspirational for me in taking stock in why I just don't do what I have wanted to for a long time..... go home! Of course, it won't be the same small town of yesterday, but a new place at the other end of the rainbow.

[WolfyOne]

Thanks for sharing your story and the pics, Medusa. I keep saying I'd like to go to a pride parade here, but didn't want to go alone. I always used to go when I lived in Chicago. Sometimes I'd even take a road trip to Mpls because they have a wonderful parade there every year with festivities in the park to follow. I always like to experience new places for pride parades. Too bad, so many are held on the same weekend. Imagine how much more exposed we'd be as a community if they were held throughout the summer everywhere.

[genghisfawn]

Originally Posted by Medusa

We have speculated that maybe country folks are used to seeing "tomboyish" women because of all of the women who do farm labor here or all of the "country girls" who wear camo and hunt. Or maybe its just that country folks do they whole "bless their heart" thing and move on.

I understand this entirely! That's what living in Saskatchewan is like... you can't tell the butches from the farm women from the hunting women from the ones who are all three or a combination thereof or... ugh, my head is spinning.

Saskatoon is not a small town, at 265,000 people, but it sure feels like one sometimes. The pictures of your parade remind me of the first Pride parade I went to here, in 1999. The protesters were in full force. There was violence. We got egged. The cops were in beat-down mode. It wasn't as scary as it sounds because it was spread along the parade route, but people were cautious.

That year there were 200 people at the parade. Last year there were 2,500.

The times, they are a'changin'. From one girl in a bumpkin town to another, Medusa, you look FUCKING GORGEOUS in those pictures!

[rustedrims]

Hey Medusa..

While i was reading that it was like i was there..
Wish i was there..Great story..
Gotta throw this in there..Noboby can say Fuckery like you can..

s..

[pynkkameleon]

Your words and pictures have completely captured, seduced and reminded me of what I am missing. Thank you so much for sharing!

[rustedrims]

Medusa i thought you said what everyone in this lifestyle feels at one time or another..It is a good feeling to be around the communitity and accepted..

I live in a "farmer town"..Been here all my life..The only Gay Bashing i have experianced was a word spray painted on my mailbox..That was a few years ago and come to think of it cant remember what the word was but i do remember it was spelled wrong..There were other mailboxes spray painted that night but mine was the only one with a "word" on it..It did come out who the kids were that did the painting..

I would be proud to be a neighbor to that Pink House..

[Medusa]

Jack and I stepped out to Pride in Conway today. It's the same town that I spoke about in the first post where, 9 years ago, I rode as the Parade Princess in Conway's first ever Pride event.

Some things remain the same even after 9 years.

John and Robert, the super flamboyant Gay couple who are now in their 70's, are still wearing their signature white tuxedos which pick up a little more adornment every year. The first year they were just white.
Nine years later, the cuffs of their shorts and sleeves of their coats are affixed with rainbow trim and there are dozens of rainbow stars rising across their backs. They remind us every year that Robert was a Vietnam Vet and fought for rights that we still don't have and John was at Stonewall, raising Gay hell.

There are still dozens of beautiful gay boys in all manner of shaved bodies wearing skimpy little shorts, speedos, thongs, and leather chest harnesses. They have slight noses and the boyish chests of men who have never done manual labor. They dance with pure joy and don't give a fuck who is watching - their energy infectious and arousing.

Mean old Dykes stand around and gruffly eyeball one another, daring you to approach with their downturned mouths and begging you for a kind word with their eyes. They wear starched-stiff wranglers, cowboy hats, ballcaps, t-shirts with ironic vagina-related sayings, and cargo shorts.

There are babies and dogs. Rainbow flags, rainbow umbrellas, rainbow everything covering every square inch of the town square.

Yes, I said town square. Because John and Robert aren't having any of that whispering bullshit where we do our Pride event out in a field somewhere, hidden from the judging eyes of old ladies fresh from church. No, they get a parade permit every year for a Sunday and march a steaming line of faggotry right down the middle of Main Street in Conway and end the parade on the fucking town square where techno music blasts and vendors have adorned their tents with gay fuckery that twirls and dazzles in the wind.

Every year, dozens of Queens brave the makeup-melting heat in spandex and corsets, huge flapping black eyelashes, and wigs jacked to Jesus to twirl and pump their way into the pocketbooks of the adoring crowd. Dollar bills fly while those giant sisters point and sashay, dip and pop, and grind their asses off to Lady Gaga, Pink, and Donna Summer.

I can always count on at least one performance bringing me to tears and this year it was a giant Drag Momma in an orange spandex dress with the kind of old-school training that dictated that her drawn-on eyebrows almost sat on the back of her head while her lips mouthed words in a red lipstick line the size of Ohio.

It takes a lot these days for a drag Momma to give me pause because I come from the land of Miss Gay America and I have seen the best there is but this woman, Britteny Paige, stomped the stage for her first act and then the music trailed off into a whisper. We all thought the act was over but could hear the stirrings of a timid guitar humming out the first few notes of "Man in the Mirror".
An acoustic background reminder from Britteny that it takes a lot for a man to put on a dress and heels in public.
I was moved.

Every year I tell myself that I won't cry and every year I feel sheepish when I feel the tears rolling down my cheek when some little skinny gayboy gyrates on stage to "Born This Way". Every year I look around at the babies and the dogs and my heart swells with the bigness of our family. Every year I am thankful beyond anything I know that I can be there to see it all and feel the energy of all of the hands that have paved the road before us so that we can be standing there in our ridiculous costumes in small-town Arkansas, mostly without fear.

Don't get me wrong, I had one moment where I was sitting on a bench with my back to the street and when I went to look over my shoulder, there was a large black truck rolling silently by with dark-tinted windows. For a split second I made a contingency plan to hit the ground if someone were to put a shotgun through the slightly-cracked window.

Because those are the kind of things you think about when you go to Pride events in small towns.

Still, the other thing you think about is that not one. single. protester. showed up this year.

Not one.

Every year for the last 10 years there have been groups of protesters sometimes holding megaphones and quoting the Bible, sometimes holding signs. One year some of Fred Phelps crew showed up but John and Robert hiked up their white shorts and ran them off.

This year it was just us. Just the fags and dykes, the bisexual folks, the Trans folks, the weird Queers, the tomboys, the straight people who came out to show support.

It was just us in all of our fuckery, our finery, and our glittering Gayness.

And me, sitting on a backless bench holding hands with my beloved, thanking the universe for being a part of it all.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Medusa, I felt SO very bad that I missed Conway Pride today! I had really planned and intended on coming. But a certain butch had an unexpected opportunity to come home for a couple of hours only, and I had to drive down to NLR to pick her up. We have to grab our fleeting time whenever we can, and Conway Pride had to come second in line.

I had moved to Conway in March 2011, and had NO idea that we had our very own Parade and celebration. I had been looking forward to attending today.

Wolfz7 and I just celebrated our Pride in our own way today! And next year? You and I may have to look into wings again! LOL

Thanks so much for your words, because I was THERE, right along with you and Jack!

APG

[Soft*Silver]

I am so moved .... I too have been to prides but in larger towns and cities. My local area had their first Pride parade and event, but I was unable to go as I was having my eyes operated on. I vowed this year to be a contributing member.

I am inspired...thank you!

[Jet]

thanks for sharing.

[Greyson]

Thank you for sharing a piece of LGBTQ history with us. I think it takes a heck of more huevos to live openly in the smaller rural towns. We do have hate crimes in the big city but also there is greater visibility and level of acceptance.

As for the pictures, where are they? I got nada.