Infidelity

Jet · 03-26-2010, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kobi

With the Tiger Woods and Sandra Bullock ( who in their right mind would cheat on Sandra Bullock????) issues of late. I am wondering what people think of fidelity in relationships these days. Is it an outdated concept?
How do you think you would react if you found out your partner was cheating?

Personally, I still think monogamy is my relationship mode of choice because I like things simple and predictable. And I suspect if I found out my partner was cheating on me, I would be throwing their belongings out a second story window - its the Italian in me.

I have cheated and i have been cheated on, so I don't do relationships anymore. The thing about that scum ass Jesse James is that he was never man enough to handle her success. He's weak enough to act out being shown up by her limelight and tremendous success. She's gorgeous; brilliant, level and has million things going for her....any man who's a real man would die for that and he's nothing but a sleaze ass fuckin' baby who was nothing without her. Prick. My .02

Soft*Silver · 03-27-2010, 12:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jet

She's gorgeous; brilliant, level and has million things going for her....any man who's a real man would die for that and he's nothing but a sleaze ass fuckin' baby who was nothing without her. Prick. My .02

I am so appalled by the ideology that comes with the attitude that a man has to be out of his mind to cheat on a pretty woman. A REAL man knows when he has gravy on his taters. A REAL man knows when he cant do better.
A REAL man gets his "dues" regarding women..he gets the cream of the crop and so he would be a mad hatter if he cheated on his "prize" or "trophy wife"...

well, for all us plain girls, us Susan Boyles and Kathy Bates kind of girls, we might not be the Sandra Bullocks of the world but we sure do deserve respect and honesty, fidelity and love in our relationships TOO. And any man who would cheat on us, us salt of the earth kind of gals, then they arent anymore of a REAL man than Jesse is. In fact, REAL isnt the term at all. INGRATE would be more like it. Cuz it doesnt matter if the woman he is with is a beauty queen or a plain gal..what matters is HIS character, not her looks...

(damn..this set me off...and I know Jet doesnt deserve me flooding all over his statement. Sometimes we posters pick our words without knowing people can hear so much more than whats intended by them...)

apretty · 03-27-2010, 04:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by softness

Kathy Bates kind of girls,

i think kathy bates is beautiful--frequently she's un-prettified to portray a strong character but i wouldn't describe her as plain. she definitely has an 'it factor' that radiates and resonates with her fans.

...but she's frequently remembered as her 'misery' character which i think speaks to her broad range (and compelling performance) as an actress, not that she's "plain".

Soft*Silver · 03-27-2010, 04:19 PM

plain, as in not made up, as in simple expression of features and not over glammed. I think she is beautiful, myself. Her beauty is honest. Its why I chose her to play me in a movie, in another thread.

adorable · 03-30-2010, 10:09 AM

I have been cheated on several times. It has never seemed to matter if I was skinny or fat. Rich or poor. If my hair was perfect or if I never complained. It didn't seem to matter how often we had sex or how well I cooked dinner either. It did seem to be a character flaw in each one of them. That flaw that allows you to lie to the person who you claim to love more then any other. IF you are willing to sneak around, lie, lie more to cover up those lies, hide your phone, cover up credit card charges ~ go through all of that trouble to fuck around with someone who you, generally are quick to say doesn't matter ON someone you supposedly love ~ what on earth does that say about your character? Instead of putting all of that effort into fixing whatever is wrong with your relationship - cheating is what? easier? It's easier than just leaving the relationship? Easier for who? It solves what? I don't get it. Really.

I did blame myself. Sometimes it's hard not to. But the truth is that people will do what they're going to do. All anyone has is their word. Having been cheated on so many times still effects me. That fear that you have no control over another person who may not have control over themselves - it causes tapes to play in my head. I hate that. You are forced to trust people, even if you say you "don't trust anyone." When they say they are going to work - you still assume they are actually going to work. Who would lie about that? Well, I've met those fuckers. I know what people are capable of - and that pain isn't anything that I am in any hurry to experience again.

But what can you do? Nothing. No matter how perfect you are. No matter how successful you are. No matter how nice you are. It has nothing to do with YOU. It has everything to do with THEM. People either have character, integrity and respect (for themselves, you and your relationship) or they don't. All you can do is have faith. There are times in my life right now where I start getting consumed with fear. I just stop and try my best to give it to God. That might sound hokey, but I don't know what else to do with it. lol. If there is an alternative, I'd love to know what it is....

Kobi · 03-30-2010, 11:20 AM

adorable,

I hear your pain. I dont know if there is a viable alternative that works for everyone. I know what sometimes works for me and maybe there is something in there that may be of use to you. For me, I try and deal with people and relationships in the following ways:

1. Remember that people come and go in our lives for reasons that are rarely apparent at the time.

2. People being people make all kinds of mistakes and errors in judgement for many reasons. Some of these can be very harmful, some merely an annoyance. It doesnt make them bad people but it does make me think about where, if anywhere, they belong in my life.

3. Trust is something to be earned, not given freely.

4. Actions speak louder than words and the truth lays somewhere in between.

5. Women tend to hold on to relationships long after the positives outweigh the negatives. Letting go is difficult but necessary to growth.

6. If it feels like work, there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed.

7. Always pay attention to your gut and the red flags it sees. We have senses and intuition for a reason.

8. Don't enter into commitments easily. It is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment or the joy of something new. Take a step back and evaluate more carefully.

9. Choose wisely. Who we are attracted to and who fits in our lives are not necessarily the same person. Reminds me of that Amy Irving movie where she is attracted to the artist but a better fit with the pickle guy. The artist is wild, exciting, unpredictable. The pickle guy is normal, stable, and boring.

10. Always take responsibility. There are no guarantees, no certainties in life. We have control over us and the decisions we make. We shape our lives and the experiences we have. Its a life long growth experience. There will be ups and downs, good times and sucky times, but in the end, what matters is living as the person we want to be. All the experiences we have are merely stepping stones to our developing that person.

11. If 1-10 dont work.....call Uncle Guido....he has a more rudementary sense of justice.

Apocalipstic · 03-30-2010, 12:33 PM

Honesty and RESPECT.

Dylan · 03-31-2010, 10:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jet

I have cheated and i have been cheated on, so I don't do relationships anymore. The thing about that scum ass Jesse James is that he was never man enough to handle her success. He's weak enough to act out being shown up by her limelight and tremendous success. She's gorgeous; brilliant, level and has million things going for her....any man who's a real man would die for that and he's nothing but a sleaze ass fuckin' baby who was nothing without her. Prick. My .02

Here's my thing about outsiders pontificating on celebrity relationships

Do you know these people personally? Or are you basing all of your 'knowledge' on what you see in the media?

Who's to say she's not a raging maniac bitch? Who's to say she's not controlling, manipulative evil heinous?

This is something that just always bugs the crap outta me. It started with that whole Hugh Jackman incident (is that the one who hired the hooker a few years back?)

Just because a woman is deemed attractive and successful and "America's Sweetheart" (this year) doesn't mean she's All That.

I mean, I'm not condoning cheating, but for realz, this Poor Sandy crap is just over the top.

And The Poor HughJackman'sWife (whatever the hell her name is) crap was over the top too.

"Oh, my god, how could anyone cheat on Sandy"...well, maybe she's evil. We don't know, we don't have to live with her. We get to see her *acting* face whenever she's filmed or shown walking down the street, or drinking a cup of coffee. She makes her money off of presenting a Fabu Demeanor. For that kind of money, I'd smile at people too. But behind closed doors, we don't know what goes on.

How do you know she's brilliant? Seriously? How do you know she's got a million things going for her? How do you know she's not heinous to live with?

What? Cuz they dress her up all pretty and shit, and make her sparkly?

Does that mean un-gorgeous women *deserve* to get cheated on? I just don't get it.

And On Top Of That...Who The Hell Cares If Jesse Fucked Every Woman In The Country? Who Cares Who Tiger Fucks? WHY Is This Even News?,
Dylan...seriously hates the "How Could Anyone Cheat On Someone I Don't Know" crap

SuperFemme · 03-31-2010, 10:47 AM

I can't believe you just compared the Wolverine with Hugh Grant.

j

Hugh Grant:

Hugh Jackman:

Dylan · 03-31-2010, 10:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

I can't believe you just compared the Wolverine with Hugh Grant.

Eh, Hugh Grant, Hugh Jackman...same person...equally unmemorable

They're all the same and no one will remember either one of them 50 years from now...unless one of the goes crazy like Howard Hughes

I just don't care about celebrity bullshit, and I don't understand why this country cares more about gossip than actual news

Oh Wait, I'll Now Try To Fit In..."Gasp, Poor Sandy...I Just Wanna Send Her A Hug In A Basket",
Dylan

P.S. Thanks for adding the pictures tho...that really helps. I DID like the Wolverine movie. Can't name anything else he's been in tho. And I can't name one movie Hugh Grant was in.

SuperFemme · 03-31-2010, 10:56 AM

Deliver it in person, she has a house in your hood.

Dylan · 03-31-2010, 11:01 AM

Oh trust me...we know. I think it's a rule in Austin that you have to know every celebrity who owns property here.

And she's now part owner of a downtown, yuppie bakery too <eyeroll>

Just to tarnish her "America's Sweetheart" reputation for a minute, she also refused to sign autographs for disadvantaged kids one day while downtown at the courthouse

That Doesn't Sound Very Sweet,
Dylan

P.S. Sometimes, I wanna just push Lance Armstrong off his bike

julieisafemme · 03-31-2010, 11:05 AM

Celebrity opinions about politics, who they have sex with and whether or not they have an addiction of any kind is not my business nor is it interesting.

Politician opinions about politics, who they have sex with and whether or not they have an addiction of any kind is my business and I care about that a lot. There was a discussion on FB about do gay celebrities owe it to the community to come out? I don't think they do unless they want to. Politicians do have a responsibility to be out. If they are lying they should be outed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dylan

Eh, Hugh Grant, Hugh Jackman...same person...equally unmemorable

They're all the same and no one will remember either one of them 50 years from now...unless one of the goes crazy like Howard Hughes

I just don't care about celebrity bullshit, and I don't understand why this country cares more about gossip than actual news

Oh Wait, I'll Now Try To Fit In..."Gasp, Poor Sandy...I Just Wanna Send Her A Hug In A Basket",
Dylan

P.S. Thanks for adding the pictures tho...that really helps. I DID like the Wolverine movie. Can't name anything else he's been in tho. And I can't name one movie Hugh Grant was in.

BullDog · 03-31-2010, 11:12 AM

I'm too lazy to go find the Tiger Woods thread again, but I certainly got a good chuckle over Tiger's announcement that he will be rejoining the PGA tour to play in the Masters. I should have set my egg timer on that one. That is what his public apology was about, lol.

Whether Sandra Bullock is nice or not nice, what does that have to do with whether or not she deserves to be cheated on or whether anyone should feel badly for her? What does it matter if someone is considered good looking or "plain?" No one deserves to be cheated on.

AtLast · 03-31-2010, 11:21 AM

My feelings boil down to this....

If you represent that you are monogamous and enter into a marriage (or relationship) as such..... don't cheat!

If you cannot be monogamous, don't make these kinds of promises. Be honest and seek relationsips with people that align with your belief structures.

And I don't have a problem with poly relationships if this is what is agreed upon. I don't date poly individuals because it just doesn't fit for me, personally. However, it does for other people.

Dylan · 03-31-2010, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BullDog

I'm too lazy to go find the Tiger Woods thread again, but I certainly got a good chuckle over Tiger's announcement that he will be rejoining the PGA tour to play in the Masters. I should have set my egg timer on that one. That is what his public apology was about, lol.

Whether Sandra Bullock is nice or not nice, what does that have to do with whether or not she deserves to be cheated on or whether anyone should feel badly for her? What does it matter if someone is considered good looking or "plain?" No one deserves to be cheated on.

If Poor Ol' Sandy had cheated on Jesse, I highly highly doubt ANYONE would be defending Jesse and asking "OMG! How could Sandy do such a thing...she's not a REAL woman. Jesse's got sooooooo much going for him. He's hot, he's brilliant, he's a strong man blah blah blah. Sandy just needs to 'woman up', because blah blah blah"

No one would be sending Jesse a Huggie Basket

But I'd bet money on what WOULD happen.

Jesse would still be made out to be a dick who had treated Sandy badly, and DROVE her to cheat. Jesse would have driven ApplePieSandy into the arms of another man.

When a man cheats on a 'beautiful woman' (and looks are just about all a woman's whole character is based on in this country. If she's pretty, well then "she's got a million [nameless] things going for her and she's brilliant" everyone said the same thing about that Hurley chick when Hughy cheated...oh, and where's her career today?), ohhhhhh my god the whole world crashes down, and people have to ask, "How could he cheat on Sandy/Elizabeth Hurley/whothefuckever" Ahhhhhh, but when a woman cheats on her husband, we either don't hear about it at all, because it's not big news, OR (usually), the man drove her to cheat by being such a big dick. Or there were some (excusable) extenuating circumstances (Christie Brinkley, anyone?)

Double Standard,
Dylan

SuperFemme · 03-31-2010, 11:30 AM

Jesse James IS a big old douche though. Can't argue that.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-31-2010, 11:34 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Jesse James IS a big old douche though. Can't argue that.

See

The boy told me he was a douche bag.....

What a dick.......

apretty · 03-26-2010, 10:33 PM

also, i think you have to be what is known as a 'sack of shit' to cheat, but i agree with the above description as well: "It has to do with being a person with values, morals and personal integrity." well said, Jacks.

i almost cheated once and i got paid-back big time by then dating a worthless piece of no-job having, lying, broke ass, mean, woman-hitting, neanderthal sack of shit. thankfully he cheated cuz then i got to DUMP him and his few tired belongings back where i found him.

so i don't know if cheaters always cheat, i guess i believe that people are capable of change if they've had a life-changing event and did the work (professional, intensive therapy) and committed to change and staying changed. but that takes work and time, though it's not impossible.

SuperFemme · 03-26-2010, 10:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jackhammer

I don't think it has much to do with being a "Real Man". (What is a Real Man anyway??????)

It has to do with being a person with values, morals and personal integrity.
Those standards to me are Gender neutral.

It also requires a level of emotional maturity that he apparently lacks.

Right.

Well said and THANKS for bringing up that pesky "real man" thingy.

He trolls for tattooed babes to visit his couch on MYSPACE for god's sake. I mean. Come on.

03-27-2010, 04:19 PM	#4
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,908 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	plain, as in not made up, as in simple expression of features and not over glammed. I think she is beautiful, myself. Her beauty is honest. Its why I chose her to play me in a movie, in another thread. __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

03-30-2010, 11:20 AM	#6
Kobi Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Biological female. Lesbian. Relationship Status: Happy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Hanging out in the Atlantic. Posts: 9,234 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,840 Thanked 34,635 Times in 7,642 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	adorable, I hear your pain. I dont know if there is a viable alternative that works for everyone. I know what sometimes works for me and maybe there is something in there that may be of use to you. For me, I try and deal with people and relationships in the following ways: 1. Remember that people come and go in our lives for reasons that are rarely apparent at the time. 2. People being people make all kinds of mistakes and errors in judgement for many reasons. Some of these can be very harmful, some merely an annoyance. It doesnt make them bad people but it does make me think about where, if anywhere, they belong in my life. 3. Trust is something to be earned, not given freely. 4. Actions speak louder than words and the truth lays somewhere in between. 5. Women tend to hold on to relationships long after the positives outweigh the negatives. Letting go is difficult but necessary to growth. 6. If it feels like work, there is a serious problem that needs to be addressed. 7. Always pay attention to your gut and the red flags it sees. We have senses and intuition for a reason. 8. Don't enter into commitments easily. It is easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment or the joy of something new. Take a step back and evaluate more carefully. 9. Choose wisely. Who we are attracted to and who fits in our lives are not necessarily the same person. Reminds me of that Amy Irving movie where she is attracted to the artist but a better fit with the pickle guy. The artist is wild, exciting, unpredictable. The pickle guy is normal, stable, and boring. 10. Always take responsibility. There are no guarantees, no certainties in life. We have control over us and the decisions we make. We shape our lives and the experiences we have. Its a life long growth experience. There will be ups and downs, good times and sucky times, but in the end, what matters is living as the person we want to be. All the experiences we have are merely stepping stones to our developing that person. 11. If 1-10 dont work.....call Uncle Guido....he has a more rudementary sense of justice. __________________

03-30-2010, 12:33 PM	#7
Apocalipstic Pink Confection How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, Her, Ma'am Relationship Status: Dating Myself Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Nashville Posts: 4,266 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 17,195 Thanked 11,361 Times in 2,838 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	Honesty and RESPECT. __________________

03-31-2010, 11:12 AM	#14
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,665 Times in 4,464 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I'm too lazy to go find the Tiger Woods thread again, but I certainly got a good chuckle over Tiger's announcement that he will be rejoining the PGA tour to play in the Masters. I should have set my egg timer on that one. That is what his public apology was about, lol. Whether Sandra Bullock is nice or not nice, what does that have to do with whether or not she deserves to be cheated on or whether anyone should feel badly for her? What does it matter if someone is considered good looking or "plain?" No one deserves to be cheated on. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

03-26-2010, 10:33 PM	#19
apretty Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: sea shell Relationship Status: married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: san diego Posts: 1,687 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,927 Thanked 4,373 Times in 1,012 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	also, i think you have to be what is known as a 'sack of shit' to cheat, but i agree with the above description as well: "It has to do with being a person with values, morals and personal integrity." well said, Jacks. i almost cheated once and i got paid-back big time by then dating a worthless piece of no-job having, lying, broke ass, mean, woman-hitting, neanderthal sack of shit. thankfully he cheated cuz then i got to DUMP him and his few tired belongings back where i found him. so i don't know if cheaters always cheat, i guess i believe that people are capable of change if they've had a life-changing event and did the work (professional, intensive therapy) and committed to change and staying changed. but that takes work and time, though it's not impossible. Last edited by apretty; 03-26-2010 at 10:36 PM.

03-30-2010, 10:09 AM	#5
adorable Member How Do You Identify?: Sarcastically Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Unavailable Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Home of the Yankee's Posts: 752 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,708 Thanked 2,643 Times in 590 Posts Rep Power: 12725119	I have been cheated on several times. It has never seemed to matter if I was skinny or fat. Rich or poor. If my hair was perfect or if I never complained. It didn't seem to matter how often we had sex or how well I cooked dinner either. It did seem to be a character flaw in each one of them. That flaw that allows you to lie to the person who you claim to love more then any other. IF you are willing to sneak around, lie, lie more to cover up those lies, hide your phone, cover up credit card charges ~ go through all of that trouble to fuck around with someone who you, generally are quick to say doesn't matter ON someone you supposedly love ~ what on earth does that say about your character? Instead of putting all of that effort into fixing whatever is wrong with your relationship - cheating is what? easier? It's easier than just leaving the relationship? Easier for who? It solves what? I don't get it. Really. I did blame myself. Sometimes it's hard not to. But the truth is that people will do what they're going to do. All anyone has is their word. Having been cheated on so many times still effects me. That fear that you have no control over another person who may not have control over themselves - it causes tapes to play in my head. I hate that. You are forced to trust people, even if you say you "don't trust anyone." When they say they are going to work - you still assume they are actually going to work. Who would lie about that? Well, I've met those fuckers. I know what people are capable of - and that pain isn't anything that I am in any hurry to experience again. But what can you do? Nothing. No matter how perfect you are. No matter how successful you are. No matter how nice you are. It has nothing to do with YOU. It has everything to do with THEM. People either have character, integrity and respect (for themselves, you and your relationship) or they don't. All you can do is have faith. There are times in my life right now where I start getting consumed with fear. I just stop and try my best to give it to God. That might sound hokey, but I don't know what else to do with it. lol. If there is an alternative, I'd love to know what it is....

03-31-2010, 10:47 AM	#9
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	I can't believe you just compared the Wolverine with Hugh Grant. j Hugh Grant: Hugh Jackman:

03-31-2010, 10:56 AM	#11
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	Deliver it in person, she has a house in your hood.

03-31-2010, 11:01 AM	#12
Dylan Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: He Relationship Status: She thinks all my jokes are corny Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Great State O' Posts: 880 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,027 Thanked 1,838 Times in 500 Posts Rep Power: 0	Oh trust me...we know. I think it's a rule in Austin that you have to know every celebrity who owns property here. And she's now part owner of a downtown, yuppie bakery too <eyeroll> Just to tarnish her "America's Sweetheart" reputation for a minute, she also refused to sign autographs for disadvantaged kids one day while downtown at the courthouse That Doesn't Sound Very Sweet, Dylan P.S. Sometimes, I wanna just push Lance Armstrong off his bike

03-31-2010, 11:21 AM	#15
AtLast Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Woman Preferred Pronoun?: HER - SHE Relationship Status: Relating Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: CA & AZ I'm a Snowbird Posts: 5,408 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11,826 Thanked 10,827 Times in 3,199 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	My feelings boil down to this.... If you represent that you are monogamous and enter into a marriage (or relationship) as such..... don't cheat! If you cannot be monogamous, don't make these kinds of promises. Be honest and seek relationsips with people that align with your belief structures. And I don't have a problem with poly relationships if this is what is agreed upon. I don't date poly individuals because it just doesn't fit for me, personally. However, it does for other people.

03-31-2010, 11:30 AM	#17
SuperFemme Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Permanently Banned 10/24/2010 Preferred Pronoun?: She. Relationship Status: Married (one of 18,000) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Atascadero, CA Posts: 4,933 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,309 Thanked 7,108 Times in 2,327 Posts Rep Power: 0	Jesse James IS a big old douche though. Can't argue that.