Grieving

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

My Father passed away suddenly of a heart attack in 2000, and my beloved Grandfather 6 wks later. In November 2009 my Grandmother went to join them, and my Mother....my often imperfect, but always loving Mother passed this last Saturday the 22nd.

I have missed my Father and Grandfather every day since they left, but over time it became a warm glow I carried around with me everywhere I went. I honestly can't say if I will survive the latest loss....I know in my head I have to be here for my daughter and spouse, but the grief, the unending pain in my soul.....

Well I have indeed survived, but I cannot say the grief has become less; different, but not less. I still have such anger at my Mother for smoking and causing her health issues, with a seeming disregard of the people left to grieve. But yet, i have started to really think of her as a "person" and not just my Mom, and I have begun the process of forgiveness finally.

I miss her every day, but I try to think of the good memories now instead of the last years where the hospital and worry became my best friends. I know that in time I will carry her in my heart as a part of who I have become because of her, and every day when I think of her it will be only with love.

[Ginger]

When my sister is angry with me, like she is now, when there is a silence between us my gestures can't fix, I miss my other sister, the one who passed away over ten years ago. She and I would have grown old together. We would have had each other.

[StrongButch]

I still feel the loss. This month is very hard for me. I lost my Dad who was my best friend. Valentines Day 10 years ago was the last time I spoke to him and heard him laugh. Feb 17 I got a call from my Mom in the middle of the night. I rushed to my truck drove several hours and spent the next spent 4 days watching my Dad die. I never left the hospital I said everything I wanted to say to him in those 4 days. On Feb 21 at 3:21 pm my Dad left this life to join his ancestors while I was singing to him. He looked right at me and stopped breathing. I will spend the next few weeks alone remembering and honoring a great father,role model , he was kind,compassionate,loving,caring,patient, a true gentleman. I am honored and blessed to have been your daughter.

[Ginger]

Sad tonight for my girlfriend's father, who is dying tonight, and maybe tomorrow, and maybe for a few days more.

He was so kind to me, the two years I lived with her, and he wrote a sweet letter to me, thanking me for the tea I sent for him and his wife, for Christmas.

I will always feel grateful for his kindness and how much he loved his daughters. What a loving man, it shone through his shyness and introspective ways.

[~ocean]

(((((((((( island U and urs )))))))))))

[Ginger]

Originally Posted by ~ocean

(((((((((( island U and urs )))))))))))

Thank you ocean, you are a sweet woman.

[Kenna]

I was at the greenhouses today, collecting a few veggies and talking about "yellow spot " on tomatoes ...asked if they had any of that "special spray "but I couldn't recall the name ... said I'd have to call Momma D because she'd know ... then it suddenly hit me like a crushing blow that I couldn't call her... ever again. Damn...no words describe the pain I felt at that moment.

[Glenn]

My Dear, Sweet, Kind, and Good, Mama; It's dark, and raining kidneys and bladders here on the lake this morning, just like on the morning you died 13 years ago today, from kidney failure and bladder cancer. But that's all past now. I deliberately went out walking around in it, to show my respect for all the storms we weathered together, and wondering where, and how you are. I am still missing you. I am still helping the poor animals like you taught me to, along with so many other good things you taught me. Yeah, I still like being alone alot, yet, I am still missing you so very much, and I always will.

[not2shygrrl]

missing you.

I got a frame for your pic, you know the one taken with you holding your bounty of blueberries from the bushes in the yard, your bushes.....your yard. That was the last summer for you, and here we are almost 5 years later.......berry harvesting is in its glory and all of your "spots" in the forest have been tagged. Always leaving some for the animals who live in the surroundings, per your request! As I look at your picture, your smile, that goofy hat to keep the sun off of your neck, seeing that sweet face Ma.......feels like I could run into you tomorrow as if you were never gone.......and then I think back.....almost 5 years since I hugged you, kissed your face and said how much I love you.....yea, you are gone and I remember all over again. But your blueberries and currant bushes stay and produce an abundance to provide goodies for loved ones. And I remember you now....always.


love,
number6of10

[firegal]

Today I talked to my lil sis,s widow and admitted I've had a hard few days.

On my drive back from Oregon I stopped and bought sunflower seeds and my lil sis was so so present....as she used to eat them to stay awake on her drive home from working a 12 hour graveyard shift.

the hole in my heart is there.....I,m so gratefull she was in my life.

I just want to call her.....love you sis.

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

Sad tonight for my girlfriend's father, who is dying tonight, and maybe tomorrow, and maybe for a few days more.

He was so kind to me, the two years I lived with her, and he wrote a sweet letter to me, thanking me for the tea I sent for him and his wife, for Christmas.

I will always feel grateful for his kindness and how much he loved his daughters. What a loving man, it shone through his shyness and introspective ways.

((((((Island)))))))) so sorry to read this , hang in there.

[Queenie]

After my father died 13 years ago someone told me that the pain gets softer. It will always be there, but it just gets softer. It had to be one the best things that anyone has ever told me about death.

[MsTinkerbelly]

Today was my Mom's Birthday; she would have been 73 years old.

Happy Birthday Momma, I miss you as much today as I did the day you died.

Yes Queenie, it does indeed become softer.....

[MsTinkerbelly]

Originally Posted by MsTinkerbelly

Well I have indeed survived, but I cannot say the grief has become less; different, but not less. I still have such anger at my Mother for smoking and causing her health issues, with a seeming disregard of the people left to grieve. But yet, i have started to really think of her as a "person" and not just my Mom, and I have begun the process of forgiveness finally.

I miss her every day, but I try to think of the good memories now instead of the last years where the hospital and worry became my best friends. I know that in time I will carry her in my heart as a part of who I have become because of her, and every day when I think of her it will be only with love.

I forgot to mention (and I was asked), that May 22nd will be 3 years since my mom passed and still this processing continues. Makes you wonder if it ever ends?

[not2shygrrl]

Hey Ma !!

Just wanted to say that spring is soon to be here. All the lil buds and touches of greenery here, there and everywhere will start happening. The trees which were always your friends will soon show their buds in preparation of opening up and 'leaf-ing' all the branches of these trees..... ahhh so beautiful!! The re-growth that you so loved and helped you come out of that fall and winter funk! All the new life happening, sights, sounds and smells. The dirt you longed to dig into with your fingers, always new flowers or shrubs and an occasional fruit tree. Where your earthy body lays is surrounded by a forest of trees, so appropriate. 4 years Ma, and then some. Still is as painful, still is as heartbreaking, still missing you every day.

Spring also brings new growth for me Ma. Additions to my life, love and happiness. All newness even at my age. All welcomed. What a feeling of growth, I am thankful for the love I am given and so much more in this life. My spring newness starts in a place I have never been, she is there....and I want to be no where else but by her side, her in my arms. Her beauty parallels all that comes with spring, her heart is the most beautiful flower I have ever seen, always in bloom.

Ma, I know you are here, I can see you in all that surrounds me. I love you Ma......

number6of10