What Cracked You Up Today?

[Jesse]

This is an awesome horse and trainer team!

[Degotoga]

[TheMerryFairy]

Originally Posted by Degotoga

*Laughs* I don't think they could have done this any better.

[PaPa]

A wife goes out for a night on the town with the girls, telling her husband she’ll be home around midnight.

Midnight passes by, drinks are flowing, the girls are laughing and having a great time. At around 2:45 in the morning, drunk as hell, she finally gets a cab and makes her way back home.

She gets to the front door and ever-so-gently nudges it open, not making a sound. She takes her shoes off, again not making a sound. Knowing her husband will give her hell for coming home so late and drunk, she’s quite proud of herself for being so stealthy.

Just then, the cuckoo clock in the hallway goes off, cuckooing 3 times signalling the late hour. Realizing he might wake up, she decides to cuckoo another 9 times. She smiles to herself, proud that she’d come up with such a clever solution on the spot. He’d never know the difference!

That next morning during breakfast the husband looked at his wife, who was obviously hungover, and asked, “So… what time did you get in last night?”

“Oh, right around midnight, just like I said,” she replied. The husband didn’t seem disturbed at all. Her plan had worked!

“Well,” he said, “I think we need a new cuckoo clock.”

“Why do you say that?” she asked.

“Because last night the one we have cuckooed 3 times, then said ‘oh shit,’ cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, then tripped over the coffee table and farted.”

[Degotoga]

[Gemme]

[Blade]

My brother text me at like 7 this morning...it went something like this

Him...Bro is that the back of your head in the paper this morning?

Me....HUH?

Him.....Did you go to a benefit for so and so Saturday night?

Me....Yes, and what the hell are you doing up at this hour( he's famous for sleeping til noon)

Him...woke up at 3 and couldn't go back to sleep so I got up and started working

Me...HUH? ( he usually goes to sleep around 3)

Him...yeah I thought that was the back of your head

I don't ever remember my Brother ever seeing the back of my head when it didn't have a hat on it so I have no idea how he knew it was my head and I am starting to get a complex wondering if it is warped a special way or something. Anyway I guess there are a lot worse ways to make the paper. At least it wasn't in the jail dockets, or the obituary

[alexri]

[jac]

Staff meeting yesterday....

A topic of masturbation came up and was forever returned throughout the remainder of the meeting. I tried to save it for last but what I thought was the tail end of the meeting wound up being about another 20 minutes of lingering discussions of various topics. Masturbation was one topic that just kept returning.

director: so we need to have a way to talk with the kids about the proper way of being discreet about their actions
staff 1: *pops in the doorwway to ask a question*
staff 2: how would you approach the topic of masturbation?
staff 1: randomly or while it is happening?
director: right smack in the middle of it
staff 1: seriously? this is what you have for meetings?
everyone: YES!
staff 1: I'm coming to these meetings more often then!
me and staff 1: no pun intended!!
director: they say it can make you blind if you do it enough *leans in toward me* How's that vision going for ya?
me: omg you seriously went there? you dawg!
everyone: *roaring laughter*

[TheMerryFairy]

THIS line "whoever thinks diamonds are a girls best friend clearly doesn't know about baby wipes"

While I agree that baby wipes are awesome, especially for makeup removal, I couldn't help but laugh out loud hard.

[jac]

Set the scene:
I'm in the kitchen fixing lunch for the kids. I ask another staff to get something from another program in the building. She returns with item requested and a rolling office chair.

me: in the kitchen? really??
staff: *looking down the ramp from the kitchen to the hallway to the common area* do you think it would be inappropriate if a went rolling down the ramp in there where everyone is?
me: well, yeh but let's do it anyway.
staff: *hops on the office chair* Let's!!
me: *gives a good solid shove*
DOWN THE RAMP/HALLWAY SHE GOESSSSSSSSSS.............

*laughter roars from down the hall*

35 or so minutes later....
director: I don't want you going along with anymore of her shenanigans anymore.... * wink* *wink*

[JustBeingMe]

Someone using this for an avatar in chat today LMAO

[JustBeingMe]

[COLOR="Blue"]Someone using this for an avatar in chat today LMAO[/COLOR]

[WingsOnFire]

My coworker.. who would send me the funniest emails at just the right moment today. I so needed those laughs.

[WingsOnFire]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Oh my Gemme.... I am not so sure but I think I want those 2 minutes back.. lol.. I did crack up though

[DMW]

My new name for the store that I refuse to go to.

Fall apart = wall mart or wall mart is fall apart

[jac]

I have a sign I made for a "coming out" event years ago.It's animated with a guy hiding behind clothes in a clest and another at the door telling him it's okay to come out. It's propped at the top of the spiral leading into my eagle's nest (bedroom). The General is learning to read and so we heard her reading what was written... "come out. We care."

Then she whispers her own words after... "come out it's okay."

[Blade]

Being told I was naive and I needed a bodyguard with a cattle prod

[maryam]

So the Spousal Unit is sitting at the computer today doing his schedule for work. I'm sitting over here, doing my QC reports for work. One of the cats is jumping on the back of SU's chair, climbing over hys shoulder, across the lap, over the desk to the window sill, down to the floor and back to the back of the chair again. And she pauses to rub against the ankles and do the head butts thing on the way, purring and meowing the whole time. Every time she crosses the lap, SU tries to scoop and cuddle her, but she's not having it. She ended up sitting on the desk, between SU and the monitor, flirting but moving away every time a scoop is imminent. Finally SU looks her right in the big green eyes, channels Yoda and says "Cat. Cuddle, or cuddle not. There is no try."

She flounces over to me, climbs into my lap and flops her fuzzy butt down and starts to purr like a madkitten, giving SU a "so there!" look the whole time. I laughed so hard she got mad and went over to sleep on the couch.

Cats, HOW DO THEY WORK?

[Degotoga]