New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

Cailin · 03-02-2013, 04:32 PM

I'm torn too. I have a WHOLE bag of items in my closet. Thing is, they were only ever used on me, but because my ex was the one who buckled down (so to speak) should I get rid of them? Its not like they had alot of wear and tear. They're practically brand spanking new.

However, I can see how some items may have memories associated with them, and could lead to jealousy/territorial issues. If I was just some girl, I dont think i'd mind if it was used on other people. But if i'm a "special" someone in their life, then I surely wouldn't want the same stuff that they used with their ex gf/ex wife of many years, inside me.

Diablo · 03-02-2013, 04:41 PM

i would have no problem using their toys on them...but the toys i have are not cheap and i would never throw them away..simply because i have used them on another woman. I am obsessive about cleaning them..and using them safely. If a woman were to ask me to toss my toys simply because i had used them on another woman...id ask her to consider the bed shes laying in, that i have slept with other women in that very same bed. So does that mean she wouldnt sleep in my bed? What about my tongue?? If anything is more intimate than my sex toys, it would be my tongue. I can guarantee you...im NEVER getting rid of that thing. Stop having an ego in sex and realize we've all had other partners.

Cailin · 03-02-2013, 05:18 PM

Not everyone is as awesome as you at cleaning tho darlin

Gross, but i've found some .... icky... people out there. However for me, when something has been in commission for a while things tend to break down and can cause issues with my insides. So if one were with a girlfriend or wife for a long time (talking years upon years) and had a healthy sex life, that item may not necessarily be in as great a shape. I've found that my body tends to reject certain items. It's not that i'm like "you nasty ass. I dont want you f*cking me and thinking about her". It's more like "hmmmm.... i'd really like to enjoy whats about to happen, but I know in mid fun, I will end up in pain". But if condoms were used, then I'm good.

btw.- if you clone your tongue, I'll take 2. Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsychoSlipknot

i would have no problem using their toys on them...but the toys i have are not cheap and i would never throw them away..simply because i have used them on another woman. I am obsessive about cleaning them..and using them safely. If a woman were to ask me to toss my toys simply because i had used them on another woman...id ask her to consider the bed shes laying in, that i have slept with other women in that very same bed. So does that mean she wouldnt sleep in my bed? What about my tongue?? If anything is more intimate than my sex toys, it would be my tongue. I can guarantee you...im NEVER getting rid of that thing. Stop having an ego in sex and realize we've all had other partners.

Diablo · 03-02-2013, 05:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cailin

Not everyone is as awesome as you at cleaning tho darlin

Gross, but i've found some .... icky... people out there. However for me, when something has been in commission for a while things tend to break down and can cause issues with my insides. So if one were with a girlfriend or wife for a long time (talking years upon years) and had a healthy sex life, that item may not necessarily be in as great a shape. I've found that my body tends to reject certain items. It's not that i'm like "you nasty ass. I dont want you f*cking me and thinking about her". It's more like "hmmmm.... i'd really like to enjoy whats about to happen, but I know in mid fun, I will end up in pain". But if condoms were used, then I'm good.

btw.- if you clone your tongue, I'll take 2. Thanks

its all about common sense......you have something unsafe or broken...dont use it. Ive never slept with an unclean person...gak at the thought....i dont think it would ever get to first base let alone home plate if they were dirty...gak gak gak.....

KCBUTCH · 03-02-2013, 06:41 PM

I think its a personal choice
I mean what about prosthetic's which are far from toys and custom made at least $1500 minimum that are part of the persons identity, it's not a black and white question.
I often get new cocks, not always because of it being new or used but because I don't want to be reminded of the EX, I also got new sheets. But that was a personal choice.
If I were still playing the field as I did in my younger years no way I used what was there
I have had the same leather harness for upwards of 22 or so years and have modified it as I grew LOL My leather goods are custom made are will not be exchanged. So who knows...
For me certain things I don't care to share despite using protection every time.
I really think it cannot be answered as either you do or you don't no more than the spectrum of gender variances that the question may relate to.

imadiva · 03-02-2013, 07:10 PM

New toys please and thank you! I understand about the harness and anything that stays outside of the body but I feel that anything that enters the body or private areas of the body should totally be new. New toys ,new memories, new pleasures ! Out with the old ! Really for sanitary reasons bacteria and virus can live on surfaces and the materials are sometimes porous so no matter how clean it looks it could still harbor some yuck in and on it ! Sooooo be for me !

chai~ · 03-02-2013, 07:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by imadiva

New toys please and thank you! I understand about the harness and anything that stays outside of the body but I feel that anything that enters the body or private areas of the body should totally be new. New toys ,new memories, new pleasures ! Out with the old ! Really for sanitary reasons bacteria and virus can live on surfaces and the materials are sometimes porous so no matter how clean it looks it could still harbor some yuck in and on it ! Sooooo be for me !

I agree with this, because a new one can be bought and broken in and christened and blessed by us both at the same time!!!
I wouldn't go so far as a new bed, but fresh bedding would be a fresh beginning, even just a fresh beginning to being newly and deliciously single.
I think if we did it on the furniture, coffee table, dining room table, I might switch that out too! Great opportunity to redecorate~

FeminineAllure · 03-02-2013, 07:17 PM

One thing I have had a problem with is size.
Every women is different. Yes I know it expands...but can we keep it real?
Some cocks just are not going to fit comfortably. So yes, a bio man may have a naturally enormous cock but we get a choice. That is a plus to me.

Angeltoes · 03-06-2013, 12:37 AM

I have not had a serious discussion w my lover to be but i must admit i live life on the edge...at least in my mind i have never made love to someone I didn't love.

Bad_boi · 03-06-2013, 04:12 AM

As for toys I prefer to replace them. Most the time people don't cover their toys for play. If it is something that is hers alone and I might tease her with it I don't think it has to be replaced but if she has something that has been used on people other than myself and her it needs to go.

As for my cock, it is my cock. A bio guy can't replace his so there is no real reason why I should replace mine. I don't expect my partners to buy a new vagina if they have slept with someone else. I use condoms and have sex responsibly. If this makes anyone uncomfortable then they have the right not to sleep with me. While I understand some people might say that being able to choose your size is a good thing (and I agree) however, it should be by choice not just because your partner wants it a certain way. It should mesh well with your body and make you feel comfortable and happy.

Anomaly · 04-04-2013, 02:54 PM

When my first serious girlfriend and I broke up, we were both really poor, and we had this $150 strap-on that we both used. While we were arguing about who would keep it, because obviously we'd never use it on anyone else anyways (yeah right) she stole it and kept it. Now, I don't even remember the last time I strapped on, it was so long ago. I don't even like doing that any more, but I'm still mad at that Lorenna Bobbit move. I don't know why "Helium Heels" thought she had any right to it in the first place, but her and her new girlfriend used it, and that made me crazy at the time. I guess because we had to save up and go in together on it. It was something I worked a lot of minimum wage hours to obtain, and the idea that this new girl was now enjoying it... Oof, that was pretty rough.
My most long term relationship was with a girl who was really casually FTM, like, she wouldn't mind these pronouns I'm using, never changed her girl name, never made a big deal of it, just threw on a binder and went to work, and when we met, she already had all her parts. They were hers like mine are mine, and it didn't feel like my business to tell her to throw her parts away and get new ones just for me. And when we broke up, she didn't leave any parts behind.
And more recently, I dated a girl off and on for about a year. Her ex had kept her stuff, so she was unprepared, and I ended up buying her a rig, nothing too fancy but perfect for what I wanted. Now we're not seeing each other, and I still have the stuff I bought. She asked me once not to let anyone else use hers on me, not ever. I don't know why I still have it. I guess because I kinda don't care what she wants at this point, and that thing is nice and exactly what I want, and if I throw it away, I won't have anything in the case that I start seeing another unprepared butch or if I ever feel top-ish. I kept it because I thought I'd probably sleep with her again, but that has become a really bad idea that's never going to happen, so now I'm wondering the same thing, if it can be used again or if I should just toss it. I don't want to be rude.

CherryBlonde · 04-15-2013, 06:21 PM

New partner = New toys. No discussion. I want us to pick new toys out together. I think it's a bonding experience. Our toys should be "our" toys......

meridiantoo · 03-02-2013, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by PsychoSlipknot

I am obsessive about cleaning them.

I am sure you are, dix, but I don't think everyone is....

And I would contemplate another bed as well...if it's serious

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 07:21 PM

I buy a new friend for my new friend.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 07:25 PM

Can someone clarify what makes someone "icky", "gross", "dirty"?

Do all people in here use dental dams with new sexual partners? What about gloves? Since we're discussing sex let's not just stop at cocks!

StrongButch · 03-02-2013, 07:33 PM

Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

The_Lady_Snow · 03-02-2013, 07:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

Sometimes though, you meet someone and you are sexually attracted and you end up having sex with them, there isn't going to be time to *get to know details* it's just about two people having consentual adult sex.

Should either party go and get new toys just because they started dating someone a week later seriously?

Why are Femme's not expected to get new vaginas?

The problem with the question when it comes to queer cock is:

For some butches.guys.bois.boys.ze's.trans, and femme folk is the cock they have is part of them. Something that is part of who they are and their identity and if someone is safe they should not have to throw away all their toys just because they dated someone new. If it's something that it is talked about and agreed upon and costs are even shared since they are now a couple I understand.

But to have the expectation that someone get a new cock or cocks just because they used them before and have done so safely is to much. Toys are expensive, cocks ain't cheap.

What about those who are kinky?

Does everyone here who is kinky replace each toy they have played with past liasons?

I would think that would get highly expensive..

Let's talk lube. Is your lube replaced with each parnter? Do you use different lube for anal and vaginal sex?

pinkgeek · 03-02-2013, 07:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StrongButch

Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection.

Ok I have to ask...What specifically are you referring to? "Things" as an STD aren't anything I've studied or counseled anyone on risk reduction against.

As for getting to know someone being any kind of protection - ask any PHW (Public Health Worker) and we'll tell you that "knowing someone" isn't a kind of protection and using "protection" isn't a guarantee.

I spend a lot of time talking about safe sex, stigma, myths and risk reduction. Community discussions are wonderful and have a wonderful ability to reach not just the people participating, but those they in turn talk to. Keep it up.

CherylNYC · 03-02-2013, 07:37 PM

Thank you, Lady Snow. Unsafe sex is a hard limit for me, and I hate waste! Why would a person throw away a perfectly good toy, especially if they've been practicing safe sex? We're all playing safely, aren't we? (she asks in that pointed way.)

Even if you're not practicing safer sex, (sigh), any good silicone toy can and should be boiled between partners, and it will be as fresh as new.

Gemme · 03-02-2013, 08:04 PM

My guy has class. He's one of the classiest fuckers I know.

He bought a new cock that we both went and sought out together (at a darling family-owned business and from a really sweet butch) and he has one familiar to him that I had nothing to do with purchasing.

While it's fun and naughty to know that something that intimate was bought just for you, with only you in mind, I don't give a damn who bought what or when or where when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it. All I care is that it's his and that he knows how to use it. I guarantee that he's not thinking of anyone else when we're together, just like I'm not thinking of anyone else but him.

03-02-2013, 04:32 PM	#1
Cailin Member How Do You Identify?: Female.. and it's pronounced "cah-leen", not cay-lin Preferred Pronoun?: You Relationship Status: In one Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Texas Posts: 872 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 979 Thanked 2,630 Times in 739 Posts Rep Power: 15791749	I'm torn too. I have a WHOLE bag of items in my closet. Thing is, they were only ever used on me, but because my ex was the one who buckled down (so to speak) should I get rid of them? Its not like they had alot of wear and tear. They're practically brand spanking new. However, I can see how some items may have memories associated with them, and could lead to jealousy/territorial issues. If I was just some girl, I dont think i'd mind if it was used on other people. But if i'm a "special" someone in their life, then I surely wouldn't want the same stuff that they used with their ex gf/ex wife of many years, inside me. __________________ De reir a cheile a thogtar na caisleain

03-02-2013, 06:41 PM	#5
KCBUTCH Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Undaunted QUEER Dom, Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: MYSELF, Syr, Hy, or friend prefered Relationship Status: Cautious, indifferent... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Below the foothills above the beach Posts: 1,848 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,240 Thanked 3,305 Times in 884 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	I think its a personal choice I mean what about prosthetic's which are far from toys and custom made at least $1500 minimum that are part of the persons identity, it's not a black and white question. I often get new cocks, not always because of it being new or used but because I don't want to be reminded of the EX, I also got new sheets. But that was a personal choice. If I were still playing the field as I did in my younger years no way I used what was there I have had the same leather harness for upwards of 22 or so years and have modified it as I grew LOL My leather goods are custom made are will not be exchanged. So who knows... For me certain things I don't care to share despite using protection every time. I really think it cannot be answered as either you do or you don't no more than the spectrum of gender variances that the question may relate to. __________________ "If you want to know the secrets of the Universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration"-Nikola Tesla

03-02-2013, 07:10 PM	#6
imadiva Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: Honey Relationship Status: Slow and steady ! We are tightly bound ! Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: New Jersey Posts: 67 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 256 Times in 59 Posts Rep Power: 2833945	New toys New toys please and thank you! I understand about the harness and anything that stays outside of the body but I feel that anything that enters the body or private areas of the body should totally be new. New toys ,new memories, new pleasures ! Out with the old ! Really for sanitary reasons bacteria and virus can live on surfaces and the materials are sometimes porous so no matter how clean it looks it could still harbor some yuck in and on it ! Sooooo be for me !

03-02-2013, 07:17 PM	#8
FeminineAllure Member How Do You Identify?: Female Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: My rainbow is way overdue Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: PA Posts: 1,145 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,659 Thanked 2,026 Times in 555 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	One thing I have had a problem with is size. Every women is different. Yes I know it expands...but can we keep it real? Some cocks just are not going to fit comfortably. So yes, a bio man may have a naturally enormous cock but we get a choice. That is a plus to me. __________________ Remember anyone can love you when the sun is shining...In the storm is where you learn who truly cares for you

04-04-2013, 02:54 PM	#11
Anomaly Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She / Her Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Minnesota Posts: 17 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37 Thanked 69 Times in 15 Posts Rep Power: 1638514	3 Scenarios in my life When my first serious girlfriend and I broke up, we were both really poor, and we had this $150 strap-on that we both used. While we were arguing about who would keep it, because obviously we'd never use it on anyone else anyways (yeah right) she stole it and kept it. Now, I don't even remember the last time I strapped on, it was so long ago. I don't even like doing that any more, but I'm still mad at that Lorenna Bobbit move. I don't know why "Helium Heels" thought she had any right to it in the first place, but her and her new girlfriend used it, and that made me crazy at the time. I guess because we had to save up and go in together on it. It was something I worked a lot of minimum wage hours to obtain, and the idea that this new girl was now enjoying it... Oof, that was pretty rough. My most long term relationship was with a girl who was really casually FTM, like, she wouldn't mind these pronouns I'm using, never changed her girl name, never made a big deal of it, just threw on a binder and went to work, and when we met, she already had all her parts. They were hers like mine are mine, and it didn't feel like my business to tell her to throw her parts away and get new ones just for me. And when we broke up, she didn't leave any parts behind. And more recently, I dated a girl off and on for about a year. Her ex had kept her stuff, so she was unprepared, and I ended up buying her a rig, nothing too fancy but perfect for what I wanted. Now we're not seeing each other, and I still have the stuff I bought. She asked me once not to let anyone else use hers on me, not ever. I don't know why I still have it. I guess because I kinda don't care what she wants at this point, and that thing is nice and exactly what I want, and if I throw it away, I won't have anything in the case that I start seeing another unprepared butch or if I ever feel top-ish. I kept it because I thought I'd probably sleep with her again, but that has become a really bad idea that's never going to happen, so now I'm wondering the same thing, if it can be used again or if I should just toss it. I don't want to be rude.

03-02-2013, 04:41 PM	#2
Diablo Timed Out - Identity Issues How Do You Identify?: HUMAN Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Earth Posts: 843 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,128 Thanked 1,618 Times in 623 Posts Rep Power: 0	i would have no problem using their toys on them...but the toys i have are not cheap and i would never throw them away..simply because i have used them on another woman. I am obsessive about cleaning them..and using them safely. If a woman were to ask me to toss my toys simply because i had used them on another woman...id ask her to consider the bed shes laying in, that i have slept with other women in that very same bed. So does that mean she wouldnt sleep in my bed? What about my tongue?? If anything is more intimate than my sex toys, it would be my tongue. I can guarantee you...im NEVER getting rid of that thing. Stop having an ego in sex and realize we've all had other partners.

03-06-2013, 12:37 AM	#9
Angeltoes Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Nunya Join Date: Jul 2012 Location: Bernlandia Posts: 1,740 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,286 Thanked 5,525 Times in 1,386 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I have not had a serious discussion w my lover to be but i must admit i live life on the edge...at least in my mind i have never made love to someone I didn't love.

03-06-2013, 04:12 AM	#10
Bad_boi Member How Do You Identify?: Transman (male) Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him, His ect. Relationship Status: Handsome bastard. Tournaments Won: 1 Join Date: May 2010 Location: Seattle Posts: 727 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 122 Thanked 1,824 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 0	As for toys I prefer to replace them. Most the time people don't cover their toys for play. If it is something that is hers alone and I might tease her with it I don't think it has to be replaced but if she has something that has been used on people other than myself and her it needs to go. As for my cock, it is my cock. A bio guy can't replace his so there is no real reason why I should replace mine. I don't expect my partners to buy a new vagina if they have slept with someone else. I use condoms and have sex responsibly. If this makes anyone uncomfortable then they have the right not to sleep with me. While I understand some people might say that being able to choose your size is a good thing (and I agree) however, it should be by choice not just because your partner wants it a certain way. It should mesh well with your body and make you feel comfortable and happy.

04-15-2013, 06:21 PM	#12
CherryBlonde Junior Member How Do You Identify?: high femme babygirl Preferred Pronoun?: she...her...Ms. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Arizona Posts: 51 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 115 Thanked 209 Times in 42 Posts Rep Power: 3181299	New partner = New toys. No discussion. I want us to pick new toys out together. I think it's a bonding experience. Our toys should be "our" toys......

03-02-2013, 07:21 PM	#14
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Sex I buy a new friend for my new friend. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 07:25 PM	#15
The_Lady_Snow MILLION $$$ PUSSY How Do You Identify?: Kinky, Raw, Perverted, Uber Queer Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Iconic Ms. Relationship Status: Keeper of 3, only one has the map to my freckles Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: La Reina del Sur Posts: 22,488 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 32,231 Thanked 80,077 Times in 15,670 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Need clarification Can someone clarify what makes someone "icky", "gross", "dirty"? Do all people in here use dental dams with new sexual partners? What about gloves? Since we're discussing sex let's not just stop at cocks! __________________ "If you’re going to play these dirty games of ours, then you might as well indulge completely. It’s all about turning back into an animal and that’s the beauty of it. Place your guilt on the sidewalk and take a blow torch to it (guilt is usually worthless anyway). Be perverted, be filthy, do things that mannered people shouldn’t do. If you’re going to be gross then go for it and don’t wimp out."---Master Aiden

03-02-2013, 07:33 PM	#16
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Sex Yes I use gloves we have a saying no glove no love. They make a harness that you can snap dental dams into works out great. Since we are discussing this please be aware you can catch things nowdays by kissing. I think its best these days to get to know the person your having sex with and use protection. __________________ Life is like music,so it can be played in many different styles.

03-02-2013, 07:37 PM	#19
CherylNYC Member How Do You Identify?: Stonefemme lesbian Preferred Pronoun?: I'm a woman. Behave accordingly. Relationship Status: Single, not looking. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: NYC Posts: 1,467 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,474 Thanked 7,111 Times in 1,205 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	Thank you, Lady Snow. Unsafe sex is a hard limit for me, and I hate waste! Why would a person throw away a perfectly good toy, especially if they've been practicing safe sex? We're all playing safely, aren't we? (she asks in that pointed way.) Even if you're not practicing safer sex, (sigh), any good silicone toy can and should be boiled between partners, and it will be as fresh as new. __________________ Cheryl

03-02-2013, 08:04 PM	#20
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	My guy has class. He's one of the classiest fuckers I know. He bought a new cock that we both went and sought out together (at a darling family-owned business and from a really sweet butch) and he has one familiar to him that I had nothing to do with purchasing. While it's fun and naughty to know that something that intimate was bought just for you, with only you in mind, I don't give a damn who bought what or when or where when it comes down to the nitty gritty of it. All I care is that it's his and that he knows how to use it. I guarantee that he's not thinking of anyone else when we're together, just like I'm not thinking of anyone else but him. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.