Rethinking our partner wishlists. Is it "settling" or adjusting to reality?

[Cailin]

At the end of the day, All I want is someone who understands and accepts me- and still WANTS to be with me.... but the biggest list factor will always and forever be "trust worthy" and communication. If I dont have those, then there is nothing to have.



However, wanting brown hair, and green or brown eyes doesn't hurt

[kittygrrl]

Kindness towards animals, people, the planet for a lifetime..There are endless themes on what love is or should be but Kindness is harder and more perfecting

[*Anya*]

My response has changed over time.

Ability to communicate is number one with me:

The good

The not-so-good

Feelings

Thoughts

Hopes

Dreams

The future

The past

The present

Hear, really hear, what is being said;

Without taking it personally

Without defensiveness

With openness

Caring

Love

Hope

Joy.

Yes.

[Dude]

* kindness
everything else that's important
is all some form of kindness

[little_ms_sunshyne]

For me, it is about meeting someone that compliments me and I them. That doesn't always mean they meet criteria on a list.

I do suppose that there are some non-negotiables like don't be a felon or a cheater! I think that should be a standard though lol

[meridiantoo]

I keep reading this thread as it is bumped up and not sure how to say this, but here goes...

I think age and maturity teaches you that people are not perfect, we all have baggage, issues, areas that would benefit from improvement, and even character flaws, I would be so bold as to say. We each take our paths in life and most roads have bumps that leave their mental/emotional scuff marks on our souls and personalities. That is, at least in my mind, what makes us unique and have depth. I have learned from everyone who has been in my life, in one way or another. However, some lessons, I didn't necessarily want to learn.

With this in mind, I don't want to say I have never had a list, but I've tried to keep my list flexible, realistic, practical, and fair. I am a handful myself some days.

I think my list of deal-breakers is longer, more relevant and prioritized higher than my list of wishes for a perfect partner:

1) Malice/general meanness/vindictiveness/need to consistently put others down.

2) Rudeness that occurs consistently/lack of manners.

3) Recreational drug user.

4) A butch who does not open the door for me (See page 3, paragraph 4 of the Femmes 101 handbook)

5) A butch who does not understand my need for new toys

6) Someone who needs to keep up with the Jones'. I'm too old, too wise, too financially constrained, and enjoy variety too much to do this anymore. I learned in my 20s the Jones' are very shallow and boring.

7) A butch who would ever be demeaning to a service person (i.e. waiter/waitress, hotel cleaning staff, delivery driver) unless it was absolutely necessary; not sure why this bugs me, it just does.

I've enjoyed this thread and seeing what people think.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

Now this is a list I agree with Well said Meridian

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I keep reading this thread as it is bumped up and not sure how to say this, but here goes...

I think age and maturity teaches you that people are not perfect, we all have baggage, issues, areas that would benefit from improvement, and even character flaws, I would be so bold as to say. We each take our paths in life and most roads have bumps that leave their mental/emotional scuff marks on our souls and personalities. That is, at least in my mind, what makes us unique and have depth. I have learned from everyone who has been in my life, in one way or another. However, some lessons, I didn't necessarily want to learn.

With this in mind, I don't want to say I have never had a list, but I've tried to keep my list flexible, realistic, practical, and fair. I am a handful myself some days.

I think my list of deal-breakers is longer, more relevant and prioritized higher than my list of wishes for a perfect partner:

1) Malice/general meanness/vindictiveness/need to consistently put others down.

2) Rudeness that occurs consistently/lack of manners.

3) Recreational drug user.

4) A butch who does not open the door for me (See page 3, paragraph 4 of the Femmes 101 handbook)

5) A butch who does not understand my need for new toys

6) Someone who needs to keep up with the Jones'. I'm too old, too wise, too financially constrained, and enjoy variety too much to do this anymore. I learned in my 20s the Jones' are very shallow and boring.

7) A butch who would ever be demeaning to a service person (i.e. waiter/waitress, hotel cleaning staff, delivery driver) unless it was absolutely necessary; not sure why this bugs me, it just does.

I've enjoyed this thread and seeing what people think.