New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion

[The_Lady_Snow]

The OP did not reference anything about cock shopping due to one being uncomfortable or to accommodate body shape etc.

The OP referenced respect boundaries and hygiene so therefor new toys are needed for a new partner.

That's why I personally didn't approach the it's not my fit subject. I figured that's pretty elementary if you're in a long term relationship or thinking of entering any kind of liaison that involves penetration unless of course you just met at the library and there wasn't enough time.

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

The OP did not reference anything about cock shopping due to one being uncomfortable or to accommodate body shape etc.

The OP referenced respect boundaries and hygiene so therefor new toys are needed for a new partner.

That's why I personally didn't approach the it's not my fit subject. I figured that's pretty elementary if you're in a long term relationship or thinking of entering any kind of liaison that involves penetration unless of course you just met at the library and there wasn't enough time.

Yes, my answer varied a bit from the original question. I was thinking of all the different things mentioned as I was responding. The thread in general has taken a few twists and turns, which is good, I think. I did not mean to veer too far off the original topic, however. My apologies.

[Martina]

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

[JustBeingMe]

I am a butch and when I am in a serious enough relationship with a femme and we're going to enter into the realm of having a sexual encounter in this relationship, I don't bring old toys with me, I have left my old toys with my ex's because it was toys we used on my ex. I prefer to purchase new toys that my new partner and I pick out for her. It's not about anything but being respectful to the person I am going to be intimate with. This is something I choose to do. And you may agree or disagree, but it's my decision to not bring the old into a new relationship.
I highly reccommend using condoms as well, because if you share your toys with one another in usage, it prevents HPV possibly being passed to your partner that can cause issues for her. It's just a safety thing for me.
Anyway, if my partner already has some particular toys she wishes to use, I will discuss with her how they were cleaned, etc and then together make a comfortable decision with both parties involved about the usage of said toys in our relationship. I know toys are expensive at times depending on what you purchase, etc. But safety for me is a huge factor, and so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

[Martina]

Originally Posted by JustBeingMe

so is respecting my new partner and providing her with her own new toys to use.

Again, I don't get this and feel it is judgmental. Why bring this in at all in this context?

[kittygrrl]

I am really enjoying the commentary in this thread. I don't agree with all of it but it has certainly given me a chance to re-examine my own perspective. This is just how i see it- but to me a cock isn't a toy. I realize not everyone is going to agree with that and think i am rilly lala. And while it's true I can't get into a butch's head about how he thinks & uses his body and/or extensions what it means to me is tied very securely to the psyhic sync I have with him and some kind of deep primal need I've yet to decipher. So when it comes to what he uses as his cock it's not considered by me a toy in any way..although I totally respect everyone does not see it like that. I don't use gloves because I've never fluid bonded with many. For me the idea is a total turn off on many levels. I understand this probably makes me look irresponsible to those here, you're probably right. If you are dating & having sex with someone you haven't known for a long while you can't be too careful when I was younger sex wasn't this complicated.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I am really enjoying the commentary in this thread. I don't agree with all of it but it has certainly given me a chance to re-examine my own perspective. This is just how i see it- but to me a cock isn't a toy. I realize not everyone is going to agree with that and think i am rilly lala. And while it's true I can't get into a butch's head about how he thinks & uses his body and/or extensions what it means to me is tied very securely to the psyhic sync I have with him and some kind of deep primal need I've yet to decipher. So when it comes to what he uses as his cock it's not considered by me a toy in any way..although I totally respect everyone does not see it like that. I don't use gloves because I've never fluid bonded with many. For me the idea is a total turn off on many levels. I understand this probably makes me look irresponsible to those here, you're probably right. If you are dating & having sex with someone you haven't known for a long while you can't be too careful when I was younger sex wasn't this complicated.

Did you know that every pronoun you used for a butch is clearly without a doubt a male pronoun?......HE......I hope you do not believe butch=he.

I'm curious what the turn off is about gloves? I used them for anal sex long before HIV came into existence..... It was easy just to add vaginal penetration with gloves. What I highlighted in red is confusing to me. Can you explain it?

[JustBeingMe]

Originally Posted by Martina

Again, I don't get this and feel it is judgmental. Why bring this in at all in this context?

I am not being judgemental about anything. It's a new fresh relationship so why not use brand new toys is what I think about. It's about respecting my partner enough to not share old toys with her, even if I used a condom on them. I want brand new ones period. As for her own personal toys, that she already has, we will have a discussion on that issue and things.
Why can't you understand what I am sayin. It's written in plain English.
What is it that you don't get in your head


ETA: In fact, I in my past relationships, a few of them, the femme always requested a new toy and for us to go shopping for it?
this is something we talk about together.

[bright_arrow]

As far as new toys in reference to hygiene reasons, I have only been with three partners who used toys. Two of the partners had brand new toys, just by chance, I was not involved.. another partner was very against fluids, so there was safe sex involved and it only happened a handful of times so we were not together long enough to even have that conversation. It was a part of him, as opposed to being a "toy", so that would of been a big factor.

I talked this over with the wife, and she said she would get new toys as a show of respect. I never had to think about it before, so I can not say for 100% what my view on it would be. I think ideally I would want new toys for a hygiene/old memories reason, but would be realistic about it and realize sometimes that is just not possible - and go from there.

Someone mentioned buying a new bed.. The wife actually bought us a new bed frame once we got serious [as in coupled for two years, together every weekend, now moving in together], we got new bedding somewhere in that time frame [it was faded, change of color scheme was desired], and we just got a new mattress [old mattress be old and worn out!]

She says she got the new frame because she wanted to make new memories.. The frame had prior owners and she wanted it to be OURS.



So, we say sex toys in our case are purchased for memories/pleasure reasons as opposed to health reasons, and have been since day one. We are, what's the term, fluid bonded? Condoms are the best thing next to microwave popcorn, so those are always used too! Don't realize how important those are until you roll over in a big wet puddle on the bed from over-application of lube.. and honestly [TMI ALERT] I don't know about y'all but I HATE lube trickling down my ass.. It takes like 100 paper towels to get it all off!

Is it just me who gets a bit of a thrill from that puddle of girl juice and lube then?

Ok, so the antonym for respect is disrespect. By making buying new toys or even a chap's very own willy for each sexual partner about respect you are inferring that other folks who don't do that are disrespectful. That's what makes it judgemental.

Hope that clarifies

[meridiantoo]

Originally Posted by Martina

Some of this just feels like people being squeamish about sex and the body. Some people are. Even some sex-positive people. We all require clean toys, but I never give any thought to the number of bodies a cock might have had contact with as long as it is clean and covered by a condom.

Re gloves and other barriers. Yes, I use gloves. I also use saran wrap although, honestly, I rarely go down on someone I am not fluid bonded with.

Again, while I am not squeamish, I respect that some people are, and I do not think it necessarily means anything about their body or sex positivity. But I do think invoking the idea of respect is negative and judgmental. I am not sure what fantasy it's feeding. Mentally denying that one's partner has had sex with others seems like hard work to me. Plus I like to hear about their fun times.

I'm a germaphobe (from the Urban Dictionary: Germaphobe - 1) Someone who has a genuine phobia of germs and is obsessed with cleanliness)