Too much honesty?

[Sun]

Originally Posted by blush

Or just people, whether they be highly sensitive or medium sensitive.

Other random thoughts about the topic:
There can be a thin line between blunt and rude. A case could be made that forms of emotional abuse begin with brutally cruel "honesty." However the honesty is applied, it should always be respectful.

Excellent points. Perhaps I should have used the term "sensitive" with no qualifier. As for the line into emotional abuse, a partner who is sensitive should know at what point a comment is going to hurt or offend. If two people have formed an intimate bond, understanding the emotional sensitivity of the person that they have bonded with is important to the health of the relationship.

I agree, comments made in honesty should always be respectful. A good tip for those of us who are single and or dating, listen to how the person who you are getting to know delivers information not just to you but to others in their life. Listen to what they find amusing, how they relate to people that they care about and how they like to communicate. Pay attention to how they handle feedback at work, within a family structure, or in a classroom.

Can they process feedback and integrate it into something useful or are they always offended? Do they rise to a challenge or do they paint themselves as the victim when something goes wrong?

Do they flare up in anger? Do they shut down? Do they remain calm in a stressful situation?

Some of these clues will tell us how they may communicate with us if we are to get involved.

Another thought, as part of the "getting to know each other" process, talk about communication. Be direct about how you communicate and what you need in that realm.

Originally Posted by Sun

Excellent points. Perhaps I should have used the term "sensitive" with no qualifier. As for the line into emotional abuse, a partner who is sensitive should know at what point a comment is going to hurt or offend. If two people have formed an intimate bond, understanding the emotional sensitivity of the person that they have bonded with is important to the health of the relationship.

I agree, comments made in honesty should always be respectful. A good tip for those of us who are single and or dating, listen to how the person who you are getting to know delivers information not just to you but to others in their life. Listen to what they find amusing, how they relate to people that they care about and how they like to communicate. Pay attention to how they handle feedback at work, within a family structure, or in a classroom.

Can they process feedback and integrate it into something useful or are they always offended? Do they rise to a challenge or do they paint themselves as the victim when something goes wrong?

Do they flare up in anger? Do they shut down? Do they remain calm in a stressful situation?

Some of these clues will tell us how they may communicate with us if we are to get involved.

Another thought, as part of the "getting to know each other" process, talk about communication. Be direct about how you communicate and what you need in that realm.

I would ask who quantifies 'sensitive'.

I would also ask, respectfully, that you speak from a 'me' and 'I' place rather than a 'those of us who are' or 'you' or 'we' place.

[MsTinkerbelly]

•Arguments - Do you aplogize when you know you're not wrong? I will never apologize for being right, but I might apologize for blowing up or becoming irrational---I have BPD so my reactions can be overblown if caught off-guard.
•Attraction - Do you deny that someone or something else caught your eye for a just moment when asked? Neither one of us are a-sexual, we are gonna see other people and notice.
•Sexual Satisfaction - Do you fake it or are you honest? Always honest, why bother otherwise?
•Breath/Body Odor - Do you say something or live with it? Say something in private.
•Friends - Would you tell your partner if you didn't like one their friends or just grin and bear it? Unless that person was doing something harmful to either one of us, I would probably grin and bear it. To each is own....

About honesty...I said above I have BPD, and if she is not honest with me then I begin to see my perceptions as being real, which if unchecked can create a whole bunch of other problems.

[Breathless]

great thread topic!

For me it boils down to this. Simply, you are my friend or my lover because I love and trust you. I expect the truth. Not negotiable. Your opinion matters to me, but it does not have the final say. However i do value it, or i would not have asked. I will apologize in an argument, because what I said was hard to hear and it hurt your feelings, not because I thought I was in the wrong. I'm arguing my point cause I think I'm right, you may change my stand point with your opinion, it has happened if I am in the wrong, I will be the first to admit it.
Personal hygiene issues, I will tell you, quietly, and discretely, and I would want the same. No one likes to be embarrassed or have a situation like that made into spectacle of any sort.
I notice attractive people, ill admit to it, heck ill even point them out so you can enjoy too. There is no shame in saying it, wow she has great hair, or that person is really buff.
Friends, I'm not going to like all your friends and I'm okay with that. I try to keep positive people in my close knit circle, but I won't tell you who you can and cannot be friends with. I won't lie, if asked what I think, but I won't offer my opinion unless asked.
Sometimes the truth can be hurtful, or hard to hear, but I want it, and I give it. Tact and respect in place. Like that old saying rather be hurt with the truth than betrayed with a lie.