What TO DO in a relationship.....

Ascot · 03-17-2013, 12:29 PM

I think it's vital to be selfish sometimes. Selfish in the way I interpret that word at its root. Be focused on your self. Have a rich inner life. Be complete unto yourself so that you can bring a whole, fully formed you to the mix. That whole "you complete me" thing disturbs me. I don't want to complete you, but I'd love to be your balancing counterpart. I'll gladly be the savory to your sweet and want you to be the acid in my base.

girl_dee · 03-17-2013, 12:34 PM

Ascot i get that completely. i don't want to need another to complete me as a human. i am not missing any parts (Syr may disagree!)
i want to be ME. i am ok with me, i beat me up and need improvement of course, but never wish to be so dependent on another that i lose myself.

Be you whoever you are, becoming a mirror image of someone else cannot be healthy.

little_ms_sunshyne · 03-17-2013, 12:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AscotButch

I think it's vital to be selfish sometimes. Selfish in the way I interpret that word at its root. Be focused on your self. Have a rich inner life. Be complete unto yourself so that you can bring a whole, fully formed you to the mix. That whole "you complete me" thing disturbs me. I don't want to complete you, but I'd love to be your balancing counterpart. I'll gladly be the savory to your sweet and want you to be acid in my base.

I like this! In fact I just had a conversation with a friend about a similar topic. I am a hopeless romantic but stand on my own two feet. I want someone that compliments me and I them. Thanks for sharing.

peachy · 03-17-2013, 01:14 PM

I'm a big believer in least said soonest mended but sometimes you have to call someone about how they're treating you. Sometimes being too understanding, too patient, trying too hard to be kind for fear of offending someone and hurting their feelings, sometimes all this does is tell them you think they're too weak to hear the truth. That's not respecting or loving someone or yourself.

When I was splitting from my ex husband because I had woken up to my sexuality, there was no direction to run because of our little girl, except to scrape the barrel of the cess pit where our relationship was and tell each other some bare truths. In the end it made us realise how much we really cared about each other, because after everything was said we were still there, neither of us ran away. I have a good friend who I know I can always count on now.

kittygrrl · 03-17-2013, 05:09 PM

I've found less is more..less expectation/judging means in the long run more contentment..if you need a lot in a relationship, it's realistic to expect you're going to have to deal with a degree of disappointment..less money, the more money we make the busier we tend to be and tempted or have to devote a lot of time outside of your relationship..I think you have to be on relatively the same page when it comes to finances..but if you can both downsize you are paid back with time to spend however you both decide pursuing happiness, less worrying about your happiness, more about your partner..if you have the right one, this is almost brilliantly selfish for no doubt they will catch on and try to outdo you..less problem, more solution..be the person he/hi/she loves to hang around, be fun & every once in a while plan a surprise..or be the surprise..

03-17-2013, 12:29 PM	#1
Ascot Member How Do You Identify?: Preppy Butch artist Relationship Status: Riding solo Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: North of the Emerald City Posts: 1,135 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 179 Thanked 2,487 Times in 549 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	I think it's vital to be selfish sometimes. Selfish in the way I interpret that word at its root. Be focused on your self. Have a rich inner life. Be complete unto yourself so that you can bring a whole, fully formed you to the mix. That whole "you complete me" thing disturbs me. I don't want to complete you, but I'd love to be your balancing counterpart. I'll gladly be the savory to your sweet and want you to be the acid in my base. __________________ Now, if I could just find a way to get paid for what I can do with my tongue and a cherry stem.

03-17-2013, 01:14 PM	#4
peachy Member How Do You Identify?: Me Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: Here Posts: 109 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 492 Thanked 395 Times in 90 Posts Rep Power: 5513870	I'm a big believer in least said soonest mended but sometimes you have to call someone about how they're treating you. Sometimes being too understanding, too patient, trying too hard to be kind for fear of offending someone and hurting their feelings, sometimes all this does is tell them you think they're too weak to hear the truth. That's not respecting or loving someone or yourself. When I was splitting from my ex husband because I had woken up to my sexuality, there was no direction to run because of our little girl, except to scrape the barrel of the cess pit where our relationship was and tell each other some bare truths. In the end it made us realise how much we really cared about each other, because after everything was said we were still there, neither of us ran away. I have a good friend who I know I can always count on now. __________________ life's a peach Caution: contains hard stone

03-17-2013, 05:09 PM	#5
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: gf Relationship Status: Til you believe Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: in the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,729 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,718 Thanked 22,150 Times in 7,220 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I've found less is more..less expectation/judging means in the long run more contentment..if you need a lot in a relationship, it's realistic to expect you're going to have to deal with a degree of disappointment..less money, the more money we make the busier we tend to be and tempted or have to devote a lot of time outside of your relationship..I think you have to be on relatively the same page when it comes to finances..but if you can both downsize you are paid back with time to spend however you both decide pursuing happiness, less worrying about your happiness, more about your partner..if you have the right one, this is almost brilliantly selfish for no doubt they will catch on and try to outdo you..less problem, more solution..be the person he/hi/she loves to hang around, be fun & every once in a while plan a surprise..or be the surprise.. __________________ "We're nine meals from anarchy"" Lewis

03-17-2013, 12:34 PM	#2
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	Ascot i get that completely. i don't want to need another to complete me as a human. i am not missing any parts (Syr may disagree!) i want to be ME. i am ok with me, i beat me up and need improvement of course, but never wish to be so dependent on another that i lose myself. Be you whoever you are, becoming a mirror image of someone else cannot be healthy.