Friends of Bill W.

KCBUTCH · 04-14-2013, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daktari

I gots me some spiritual malady all over the place today.

Uncomfortable feelings up the wazoo!

Feeling nuts!

Just hold on- they will pass try a mtg or calling a newcomer
it always helps me
maybe some writing to let some of what is on your mind go

KCBUTCH · 04-14-2013, 06:05 PM

finally doing a 4th step on my break up I've put it off for months using sexual seeking as a pleasant distraction, but now I have to come to terms with the fact that the distraction is more harmful than the the step work
I need to face myself so I can move forward without risking anymore serenity or my recovery
crying a lot of course
pausing in between columns
this is tough
having listed everything has been hurt or threatened
so it goes
was a memorial yesterday and saw an ex
seemed to catapult the loss into a place that needs addressing
was at least able to be of service that helped
woke up feeling sick- probably emotional hangover
Help me be willing to be willing to heal so I can be of greater service to you and my fellows

SuddenlyWestFemme · 04-14-2013, 08:38 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KCBUTCH

finally doing a 4th step on my break up

Yes, that was the hardest for me. Years ago, I was told that if you do a daily 10, you won't have to do another 4. I've done quite a few 4's since being told that... because I have so many memory lapses about 10. Ugh. lol.

And my most recent 4th (on my ex) was necessary but not fun. I suggest lots of meetings while going through it. And the great news is that it really did make most of the resentments ago away. And I got to look at what I really want in a future partner which gave me a sense of hope and joy.

Good luck. And hopefully you won't have to do as many 4th steps as I've had to. And thanks for your post. It made me realize that I have to get back to my daily 10.

KCBUTCH · 04-14-2013, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SuddenlyWestFemme

Yes, that was the hardest for me. Years ago, I was told that if you do a daily 10, you won't have to do another 4. I've done quite a few 4's since being told that... because I have so many memory lapses about 10. Ugh. lol.

And my most recent 4th (on my ex) was necessary but not fun. I suggest lots of meetings while going through it. And the great news is that it really did make most of the resentments ago away. And I got to look at what I really want in a future partner which gave me a sense of hope and joy.

Good luck. And hopefully you won't have to do as many 4th steps as I've had to. And thanks for your post. It made me realize that I have to get back to my daily 10.

OH yes I have done many of 4th's myself
needed ones to many one the relationship now gone long before it was gone
thanks for your honesty about the resentments- I need to know the truth.

but more importantly I know too if i dont begin to look at my part- I cannot make room to heal those parts to be a better me and now what I will want in the future in a partner and as a partner

I have increased my mtgs over the last 4 months since the relationship ended thanks for the reminder though
-KC

nanners · 04-15-2013, 04:16 AM

I've been thinking...when I am ready to start dating, I will make it a point to try to date someone who is in recovery and doing at least fairly well. I think knowing and following the 12 step program is such a healthy thing to do, and would always help a relationship. At least next time I start dating someone, I will be able to see the red flags much, much sooner having at least a year's recovery time or more. I am excited about the person I have become, and am becoming thru the power of the program and my own hard work. It's certainly not easy, but it is worthwhile, and life saving work.

Happy Monday my friends!

LeftWriteFemme · 04-15-2013, 04:27 AM

April 15

Chickens and Eggs

Who is more sober the early riser or the long-timer? How do we get here and what does it mean. It all starts with a day, which is good because this is more than we had hoped for, sometimes more than we could do. Then it moved into an ever escalating game of can you beat this, each day an improvement over what had been accomplished the day before. For years the standard bearer is the pain or relief of the very first in this string, orbs of 24, yet here stands the question, “Is the essence the last pearl you touch or the total of the strand, which makes it real?” I don’t know for sure. Sobriety is like light; is light made up of waves or is it made up of particles and the answer is invariably yes, for it is. And what you need and how you look at it seems to make the determination, scientific method or no, the watched is affected by the watcher and vice versa. The end is a day round and imperfect as any and what is strung between the beginning and the end is what you’ve made of it.

Never underestimate bitterness

*

ESCAPING THROUGH THE CEILING

Up and away is my motto
Upwardly mobile is my goal

If I can flee without leaving a track
I'm clean

No heart wrenching walk down the isle or lane
No dust on my shoes, no possibility of stumbling

Grace at all cost
Empowerment through elevation

If I must leave my human plane to attain this, so be it
Give up my natural rights, such is life

But yet, if I lose my bonds to earth
What did the leaving gain me?

I arise, to appear better
As a result, I appear not at all

04-15-2013, 06:52 AM

<<<doesn't wanna date another recovery nutter

Thanks for your suggestions Kc; I did those things - reaching out to other addicts, journal writing, a long chat with the ever patient Ms.Sponse., and made a start on step 4 writings...one question completed is better than no questions completed.

Wouldn't ya know it, all that action helped

It became apparent through doing step three writings that action, and the discipline to act, is the key to it all. A simple notion that took so long for this complicated being to 'get it'.

SuddenlyWestFemme ..memory lapses about step 10

I'm so grateful that folks are coming here and sharing. I sometimes feel so alone in my area as there are precisely 4 other gay folks...none of whom ID as queer and none of whom seem to have any concept at all of butch/femme dynamics...not that they need to but it just contributes to the notion that there's no-one like me in my area. A little identification with folks who really are like me makes a whole load of difference.

Thanks y'all

04-14-2013, 06:05 PM	#2
KCBUTCH Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Undaunted QUEER Dom, Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: MYSELF, Syr, Hy, or friend prefered Relationship Status: Cautious, indifferent... Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Below the foothills above the beach Posts: 1,848 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,240 Thanked 3,305 Times in 884 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	finally doing a 4th step on my break up I've put it off for months using sexual seeking as a pleasant distraction, but now I have to come to terms with the fact that the distraction is more harmful than the the step work I need to face myself so I can move forward without risking anymore serenity or my recovery crying a lot of course pausing in between columns this is tough having listed everything has been hurt or threatened so it goes was a memorial yesterday and saw an ex seemed to catapult the loss into a place that needs addressing was at least able to be of service that helped woke up feeling sick- probably emotional hangover Help me be willing to be willing to heal so I can be of greater service to you and my fellows __________________ "If you want to know the secrets of the Universe, think in terms of energy, frequency and vibration"-Nikola Tesla

04-15-2013, 04:27 AM	#6
LeftWriteFemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Daddy's good girl Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Jersey Posts: 16,642 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,529 Thanked 12,285 Times in 5,184 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	April 15 Chickens and Eggs Who is more sober the early riser or the long-timer? How do we get here and what does it mean. It all starts with a day, which is good because this is more than we had hoped for, sometimes more than we could do. Then it moved into an ever escalating game of can you beat this, each day an improvement over what had been accomplished the day before. For years the standard bearer is the pain or relief of the very first in this string, orbs of 24, yet here stands the question, “Is the essence the last pearl you touch or the total of the strand, which makes it real?” I don’t know for sure. Sobriety is like light; is light made up of waves or is it made up of particles and the answer is invariably yes, for it is. And what you need and how you look at it seems to make the determination, scientific method or no, the watched is affected by the watcher and vice versa. The end is a day round and imperfect as any and what is strung between the beginning and the end is what you’ve made of it. Never underestimate bitterness * ESCAPING THROUGH THE CEILING Up and away is my motto Upwardly mobile is my goal If I can flee without leaving a track I'm clean No heart wrenching walk down the isle or lane No dust on my shoes, no possibility of stumbling Grace at all cost Empowerment through elevation If I must leave my human plane to attain this, so be it Give up my natural rights, such is life But yet, if I lose my bonds to earth What did the leaving gain me? I arise, to appear better As a result, I appear not at all __________________ Clicking on these dragon eggs will take you to my new erotic novella: Dragon Bait .........Hope you enjoy it! ________________________________________________ Please take a look at my work Click on flashing smilie to see my website To look at my Daddy/girl erotica book Click on pompom girl to see Elbows on the Table, Palms Flat

04-15-2013, 04:16 AM	#5
nanners Member How Do You Identify?: her femme Preferred Pronoun?: girl Relationship Status: Blissfully married to the love of my life. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: MS Posts: 1,159 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,450 Thanked 4,899 Times in 1,096 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I've been thinking...when I am ready to start dating, I will make it a point to try to date someone who is in recovery and doing at least fairly well. I think knowing and following the 12 step program is such a healthy thing to do, and would always help a relationship. At least next time I start dating someone, I will be able to see the red flags much, much sooner having at least a year's recovery time or more. I am excited about the person I have become, and am becoming thru the power of the program and my own hard work. It's certainly not easy, but it is worthwhile, and life saving work. Happy Monday my friends!

04-15-2013, 06:52 AM	#7
Daktari Guest Tournaments Won: 1 Posts: n/a My Photo Gallery	<<<doesn't wanna date another recovery nutter Thanks for your suggestions Kc; I did those things - reaching out to other addicts, journal writing, a long chat with the ever patient Ms.Sponse., and made a start on step 4 writings...one question completed is better than no questions completed. Wouldn't ya know it, all that action helped It became apparent through doing step three writings that action, and the discipline to act, is the key to it all. A simple notion that took so long for this complicated being to 'get it'. SuddenlyWestFemme ..memory lapses about step 10 I'm so grateful that folks are coming here and sharing. I sometimes feel so alone in my area as there are precisely 4 other gay folks...none of whom ID as queer and none of whom seem to have any concept at all of butch/femme dynamics...not that they need to but it just contributes to the notion that there's no-one like me in my area. A little identification with folks who really are like me makes a whole load of difference. Thanks y'all