New sex partner=new toys? Your opinion - Page 10

imperfect_cupcake · 04-14-2013, 12:32 PM

Although this is not specifically about sex toys, it is about conceived ideas about sexuality and multiple partners... and I think this plays into all kinds of assumptions...
I'm dating right now, and the comments I am getting from many have been *SPECTACULAR* at times. Needless to say I don't sleep with those people but my jaw has been dropped on a couple of occasions, by... just gobsmacking ideas around sex and numbers.

So there's a book, a quick review of it and how this still applies even to queers, policing each other's sexuality, when cismen aren't around to do it for us. And how it feels to be a femme, dating in the middle of all that judgement when people are unaware that they are even doing it.

Quote:

I may not cave in to slut-shaming, but you know what? It fucking stings some times. And it does hurt. It means I'm invisible as a person. I'm just a set of dirty big tits stereotype sitting across from you at dinner. Fuck having an individual personality, I'm just someone that screws people indiscriminately. Just last week a gal said to me "well, I'm picky."
Right. And I just touch any ol rag and rub it against my cunt? I have standards too actually, I just don't need them to involve "someone I want to build a relationship with" so I don't need them to be into some of the same stuff I would need to have if I wanted a relationship with them, ffs. But I'll tell you what, my standards are such that frankly I ain't going to be fucking you, that's for sure!

If anyone wants to read it, it's
located right here in this underlined link (or in my signature)

I think that ideas around these things, especially in our own communities should be challenged. I had a andgorenous lesbian only slightly older than me, who was very eco friendly and into burlesque as an art and all this kind of stuff... when I asked if she wanted femmes why didn't she put it on her dating profile... she said "cause I thought I'd just get shallow, fluffy girls. But I'm not sure why."
My jaw dropped open. I asked what she thought that meant about her assumptions about femininity and highly feminine women and their relative intelligence.

fuck. me. sometimes, y'know?

I'm sure I say just as stupid assumptive shit and I hope to fuck people call me on it...

CherryBlonde · 04-15-2013, 06:21 PM

New partner = New toys. No discussion. I want us to pick new toys out together. I think it's a bonding experience. Our toys should be "our" toys......

Amante · 04-15-2013, 06:40 PM

For ME:

New partner (casual or serious relationship) who has a removable cock that is an integral part of his/her identity: No way, that would be like someone saying to me that I needed to get new breasts, and to my definition of things shouldn't even be in the same discussion as "toys." Getting a new cock for a cock-centric butch or transguy is part of who they are and not my business if it's new or not.

New partner in a casual affair that's not likely or uncertain to last: No way, because it would be just too damned expensive and impractical.

New partner in a potentially long-term relationship for whom they are TOYS and not an integral part of his/her identity: Once the relationship got serious, I'd prefer to buy new toys, just like I'd prefer to buy some new sheets, a new dress for a special occasion instead of the one I wore for many previous special occasions with my ex, etc. If I can afford to replace certain things that were an intimate part of previous relationship, even if they're still perfectly functional, then I'm going to! Did I ditch all my old sheets? Oh hell no (though I made sure to keep the best ones!) But do I enjoy knowing that the sheets I'm putting on are new or have never been fucked on by anyone other than me and her? Absolutely. There's no moral implication to it - it's a preference, period. And an excuse to get some exciting new things.

DapperButch · 04-15-2013, 07:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by CherryBlonde

New partner = New toys. No discussion. I want us to pick new toys out together. I think it's a bonding experience. Our toys should be "our" toys......

Yes, when they are "toys" to both participants, that makes sense.

For some of us, the cock we wear is not a "toy".

But sure, you want a different butt plug than the ones in my drawer? No problem, lets hit the sex store together.

wahya · 04-16-2013, 06:47 PM

I to agree new partner new toys.. and I like to let her choose what her "heart" desires. I'd like her to be able to say..Hey lets use the Wednesday one on Friday.. lol She can even call them anything she wants. Cause it is all about her (in my opinion.)Well..that is until we get in the bedroom. ;-)

sofimichi · 11-08-2013, 10:00 PM

UGH so torn about this.
I would have to say new partner, new toys, though.

rustedrims · 11-09-2013, 03:29 AM

with a twist...

new work boots - new socks

Runner · 11-18-2013, 02:46 PM

New partner yeah we can get new toys, it's fun and sexy to choose and experiment together.

My cock though most definitely does not fall into this category and is as much a part of me as my tongue is and that doesn't change between partners either

GeeGina · 11-19-2013, 11:00 AM

I go with "new" - but the only exception is with butch cock. I don't expect my partner to have a new one lying around in a drawer...or in their pants. Also, I respect the loyalty my partner has to theirs.

Of course, I'll want a good look at it first - and have on occasion even asked my partner to put a condom on it or take a shower with it on (both of which turned out to be kinda fun).

With respect to all, I'm also not of the mindset that butch cock "belongs" to anyone but the respective owner. I'm very happy with them sharing it, though,

imperfect_cupcake · 11-19-2013, 07:02 PM

So when people are single and they buy themselves toys, to have fun with, do they get rid of them when they get a long term partner??

Redsunflower · 12-15-2013, 07:32 AM

In my opinion, new partner, no need for new body parts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

For some of us, the cock we wear is not a "toy".

And that's why.

:-)

Erryl · 12-30-2013, 04:28 PM

I vote new toys. I know, I know, they are expensive. That's my feelings though. If you are using the toys just on yourself and you begin a new relationship I think it's alright to use your toys if she is comfy with it. My issue is that I wouldn't want someone's ex's favorite sex toy in me. I know it can be washed and all that but it's the principle of the thing.

For those who have body related attachment to it, I can see why you wouldn't want to buy a new one. Maybe that should be on a case by case kind of basis? I don't have much experience in that area but would assume that a good honest conversation with the partner would be in order.

imperfect_cupcake · 12-30-2013, 05:16 PM

Ok but what if it's not an ex and all toys were used on me. and bought by me, for me.
as in, I don't just have sex when I'm in a relationship. I have casual sex from time to time. In those instances they usually use my toys on me. I don't generally use toys on them.

So if it's NOT an ex, *I* bought it for *me* and it had nothing to do with being inserted in *them*, what about then?

AnnRkey · 12-30-2013, 07:27 PM

I side with buying new toys when you get a new partner. I've used a toy on two different people and the sex was great but part of me still felt guilty, remorseful, I'm not sure it just wasn't a good feeling. So I will continue buying new toys if I get a new partner.

Erryl · 12-30-2013, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeybarbara

Ok but what if it's not an ex and all toys were used on me. and bought by me, for me.
as in, I don't just have sex when I'm in a relationship. I have casual sex from time to time. In those instances they usually use my toys on me. I don't generally use toys on them.

So if it's NOT an ex, *I* bought it for *me* and it had nothing to do with being inserted in *them*, what about then?

I see why thats a grey area but it really boils down to honesty. If the person youre using them in doesn't care then that's cool. For me, I guess I feel like if a relationship was the goal I'd just go with the...er respect? Kindess? Whatever... of new toys. It might not bother some people at all though. What's important is that everyone ia open and honest. Thats true about everything with sex really. Thats my $0.02.

Tuff Stuff · 09-01-2015, 05:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by meridiantoo

I am having a debate with a butch friend of mine and we wanted to enlist the opinions of others to see what is the norm and what reasoning people have behind their opinion...

If you have a new sex partner, does that require new toys also? Is that just a preference or a requirement? Does it include all toys or just the most intimate ones? And why do you hold your opinion?

I will start with my view on this. I am not comfortable having sex with someone who is using any toys from previous lovers. This is not a territorial thing for me, it's a matter of respect and boundaries and practicing good hygiene. I can't deny a twinge of jealousy or some feeling with the idea that a toy we are using was also used with another woman, but mostly it's about my partner and her perspective on respect and boundaries, not so much about the ex lover.

Thanks for sharing!

Point taken..
Well,safe sex is important for me to and my partner.My butch dick belongs to my gf,alone.Then there's this monster that belongs to the community.I practice safe sex and I use condoms.I just bought some new toys the other day because I respect this new lover a great deal and we plan to have more than a one nighter.

Daisy Chain · 09-01-2015, 06:47 PM

I have come back to this thread a few times and I`m still on the fence. Its such a grey area.

First reaction would be always new. New relationship, new beginning, new US and I dont want any ghosts in the bedroom thank you. {I say relationship as I`m not a casual sex kinda girl}.

However....what I hadnt thought of until reading some of the posts was that Hy may well, and quite understandably, regard Hys cock as part of Hym, and for a Femme to say, `that has to go I want new`, well I can see why Hy would have an issue with that. So on that score if my Honey felt that way my heart would want to respect Hym and all that Hy was though I`m not so sure if I could persuade my legs to uncross.

....although if Hy packed most of the time and as our relationship and intimacy levels built then I suppose I would view it and Hym as whole and one so.....I think that would be fine.

I`m going to get some feedback from Hym, I may post again.

HHmmm

Daisy

DapperButch · 09-02-2015, 03:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daisy Chain

I have come back to this thread a few times and I`m still on the fence. Its such a grey area.

First reaction would be always new. New relationship, new beginning, new US and I dont want any ghosts in the bedroom thank you. {I say relationship as I`m not a casual sex kinda girl}.

However....what I hadnt thought of until reading some of the posts was that Hy may well, and quite understandably, regard Hys cock as part of Hym, and for a Femme to say, `that has to go I want new`, well I can see why Hy would have an issue with that.

Daisy

Alternatively, a butch could buy the same cock over and over again.

I have. More than once. More than twice. More than thrice.

I don't plan to do that again.

storyspinner70 · 09-17-2015, 06:01 PM

I have to say I don't get the concept of new partner = new toys...not at all...My butch has toys she loves...why would I ask her to go out and spend tons on new things for me? The tools people use are secondary to the pleasure that comes from them. And for butches who consider their cocks body parts not toys, I'd suspect the suggestion may even be insulting. Unless you're a virgin or dating one, everyone has exes. They're part of the experiences that make you who you are. I dunno. It's never a big deal to me. But, to each their own and as long as you both agree, that's all that matters.

04-15-2013, 06:40 PM	#183
Amante Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Going steady Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Too far away Posts: 38 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 11 Thanked 128 Times in 35 Posts Rep Power: 1760756	For ME: New partner (casual or serious relationship) who has a removable cock that is an integral part of his/her identity: No way, that would be like someone saying to me that I needed to get new breasts, and to my definition of things shouldn't even be in the same discussion as "toys." Getting a new cock for a cock-centric butch or transguy is part of who they are and not my business if it's new or not. New partner in a casual affair that's not likely or uncertain to last: No way, because it would be just too damned expensive and impractical. New partner in a potentially long-term relationship for whom they are TOYS and not an integral part of his/her identity: Once the relationship got serious, I'd prefer to buy new toys, just like I'd prefer to buy some new sheets, a new dress for a special occasion instead of the one I wore for many previous special occasions with my ex, etc. If I can afford to replace certain things that were an intimate part of previous relationship, even if they're still perfectly functional, then I'm going to! Did I ditch all my old sheets? Oh hell no (though I made sure to keep the best ones!) But do I enjoy knowing that the sheets I'm putting on are new or have never been fucked on by anyone other than me and her? Absolutely. There's no moral implication to it - it's a preference, period. And an excuse to get some exciting new things. __________________ Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever. ~Mahatma Gandhi

11-09-2013, 03:29 AM	#187
rustedrims Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ohio close to Lake Erie and ice-cream places Posts: 444 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,123 Thanked 2,553 Times in 367 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	My take on this... with a twist... new work boots - new socks __________________ I don't want to be perfect because if I was then I will loose the ability to learn.

11-19-2013, 11:00 AM	#189
GeeGina Member How Do You Identify?: Femme, but flexible. Preferred Pronoun?: Miss Relationship Status: Single. Looking. Available. Open. Join Date: Sep 2013 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 111 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 10 Thanked 410 Times in 76 Posts Rep Power: 4115106	New Toys? I go with "new" - but the only exception is with butch cock. I don't expect my partner to have a new one lying around in a drawer...or in their pants. Also, I respect the loyalty my partner has to theirs. Of course, I'll want a good look at it first - and have on occasion even asked my partner to put a condom on it or take a shower with it on (both of which turned out to be kinda fun). With respect to all, I'm also not of the mindset that butch cock "belongs" to anyone but the respective owner. I'm very happy with them sharing it, though,

12-30-2013, 04:28 PM	#192
Erryl Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Female Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Dec 2013 Location: Arkansas Posts: 42 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 23 Thanked 94 Times in 20 Posts Rep Power: 2317130	I vote new toys. I know, I know, they are expensive. That's my feelings though. If you are using the toys just on yourself and you begin a new relationship I think it's alright to use your toys if she is comfy with it. My issue is that I wouldn't want someone's ex's favorite sex toy in me. I know it can be washed and all that but it's the principle of the thing. For those who have body related attachment to it, I can see why you wouldn't want to buy a new one. Maybe that should be on a case by case kind of basis? I don't have much experience in that area but would assume that a good honest conversation with the partner would be in order. __________________ "Don't waste your breath proclaiming what's really important to you. How you spend your time says it all." -E. Zorn

04-15-2013, 06:21 PM	#182
CherryBlonde Junior Member How Do You Identify?: high femme babygirl Preferred Pronoun?: she...her...Ms. Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Apr 2013 Location: Arizona Posts: 51 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 115 Thanked 209 Times in 42 Posts Rep Power: 3181299	New partner = New toys. No discussion. I want us to pick new toys out together. I think it's a bonding experience. Our toys should be "our" toys......

04-16-2013, 06:47 PM	#185
wahya Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Me Preferred Pronoun?: Me Relationship Status: im good Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 296 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 506 Thanked 857 Times in 240 Posts Rep Power: 0	I to agree new partner new toys.. and I like to let her choose what her "heart" desires. I'd like her to be able to say..Hey lets use the Wednesday one on Friday.. lol She can even call them anything she wants. Cause it is all about her (in my opinion.)Well..that is until we get in the bedroom. ;-)

11-08-2013, 10:00 PM	#186
sofimichi Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Femmeinist Preferred Pronoun?: femenine ones, "hey you," etc. Relationship Status: Engaged! Join Date: Oct 2013 Location: Missouri Posts: 37 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 27 Thanked 85 Times in 23 Posts Rep Power: 1722501	UGH so torn about this. I would have to say new partner, new toys, though.

11-18-2013, 02:46 PM	#188
Runner Junior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Ireland Posts: 46 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 60 Thanked 158 Times in 38 Posts Rep Power: 1834068	New partner yeah we can get new toys, it's fun and sexy to choose and experiment together. My cock though most definitely does not fall into this category and is as much a part of me as my tongue is and that doesn't change between partners either

11-19-2013, 07:02 PM	#190
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	So when people are single and they buy themselves toys, to have fun with, do they get rid of them when they get a long term partner??

12-30-2013, 05:16 PM	#193
imperfect_cupcake Senior Member How Do You Identify?: feminine dolly dyke Preferred Pronoun?: Your Grace Relationship Status: I put my own care first Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: In a gauze of mystery Posts: 1,776 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,426 Thanked 9,712 Times in 1,611 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Ok but what if it's not an ex and all toys were used on me. and bought by me, for me. as in, I don't just have sex when I'm in a relationship. I have casual sex from time to time. In those instances they usually use my toys on me. I don't generally use toys on them. So if it's NOT an ex, I bought it for me and it had nothing to do with being inserted in them, what about then?

12-30-2013, 07:27 PM	#194
AnnRkey Member How Do You Identify?: As Myself Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Unknown & Known Universe Posts: 226 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 406 Thanked 420 Times in 143 Posts Rep Power: 2875677	I side with buying new toys when you get a new partner. I've used a toy on two different people and the sex was great but part of me still felt guilty, remorseful, I'm not sure it just wasn't a good feeling. So I will continue buying new toys if I get a new partner.

09-01-2015, 06:47 PM	#197
Daisy Chain Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Hy calls me Hys Kitten Join Date: May 2015 Location: 2nd star to the right and straight on til morning Posts: 729 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,814 Thanked 1,808 Times in 447 Posts Rep Power: 0	I have come back to this thread a few times and I`m still on the fence. Its such a grey area. First reaction would be always new. New relationship, new beginning, new US and I dont want any ghosts in the bedroom thank you. {I say relationship as I`m not a casual sex kinda girl}. However....what I hadnt thought of until reading some of the posts was that Hy may well, and quite understandably, regard Hys cock as part of Hym, and for a Femme to say, `that has to go I want new`, well I can see why Hy would have an issue with that. So on that score if my Honey felt that way my heart would want to respect Hym and all that Hy was though I`m not so sure if I could persuade my legs to uncross. ....although if Hy packed most of the time and as our relationship and intimacy levels built then I suppose I would view it and Hym as whole and one so.....I think that would be fine. I`m going to get some feedback from Hym, I may post again. HHmmm Daisy

09-17-2015, 06:01 PM	#199
storyspinner70 Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Babygirl Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: VA Posts: 353 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,364 Thanked 985 Times in 287 Posts Rep Power: 8681947	I have to say I don't get the concept of new partner = new toys...not at all...My butch has toys she loves...why would I ask her to go out and spend tons on new things for me? The tools people use are secondary to the pleasure that comes from them. And for butches who consider their cocks body parts not toys, I'd suspect the suggestion may even be insulting. Unless you're a virgin or dating one, everyone has exes. They're part of the experiences that make you who you are. I dunno. It's never a big deal to me. But, to each their own and as long as you both agree, that's all that matters.