Trust and Technology

[kannon]

Originally Posted by kittygrrl

I think Ciaran makes a valid point. This kind of accountability isn't going to be in a normal arrangement between two people in a relationship. Maybe if someone decides to use the word creepy, it's about the accountability issue, not necessarily delivering a judgement about the relationship.

Just speaking from personal experience let's just say that I've shared account information, cell phone access, and have it used in a way that was a betrayal of why I gave it to begin with. So, you see, if someone has said" I don''t think its cool", but not necessarily giving you personal information to validate their opinion, maybe you should be a little more generous and consider perhaps they have a reason to be very negative about an issue? I just think it's something you could consider.

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You agreed with Ciaran's proclamation that "accountability" isn't a "normal" arrangement between two people. That's really a personal judgement and potentially psychologically damaging. Some people want accountability in a relationship and it is normal for them. We can't generalize this sentiment and label it as abnormal. Labeling can create a lot of psychological damage. It serves our community to choose our words carefully.

[kannon]

For me, accountability is an important part of a relationship. If I'm in a relationship, then I'm accountable to my partner. We might have shared financial, emotional, and physical responsibilities. I'm accountable financially, emotionally and physically, etc to my love. I would expect the same from my partner. If we are truly committed and trust each other then shared passwords, etc. should not be an issue. If you are questioning your partner then you should get out of the relationship, however it may not be your partner's indiscretions but your own insecurities.

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by kannon

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You agreed with Ciaran's proclamation that "accountability" isn't a "normal" arrangement between two people. That's really a personal judgement and potentially psychologically damaging. Some people want accountability in a relationship and it is normal for them. We can't generalize this sentiment and label it as abnormal. Labeling can create a lot of psychological damage. It serves our community to choose our words carefully.

For someone who finishes their post by referencing the need to, "choose our words carefully", you could do with taking that advice yourself. Not sure if you are being deliberately mischievous in your wording but no where on this thread have I proclaimed that "accountability" isn't a "normal" arrangement between two people. People can be accountable and in a perfectly healthy, trusting relationship without the need to offer their passwords and such like to their partner.

And as for my "personal judgement" being "potentially psychologically damaging"? What a bizarre, faux-moralistic claim.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

For someone who finishes their post by referencing the need to, "choose our words carefully", you could do with taking that advice yourself. Not sure if you are being deliberately mischievous in your wording but no where on this thread have I proclaimed that "accountability" isn't a "normal" arrangement between two people. People can be accountable and in a perfectly healthy, trusting relationship without the need to offer their passwords and such like to their partner.

And as for my "personal judgement" being "potentially psychologically damaging"? What a bizarre, faux-moralistic claim.

I think the difference here is whether it is offered or whether it is required. I do think its creepy, and there really is not another word to describe that, if you require your partner's passwords as a condition of the relationship. That screams controlling to me. something like sharing a password should be an event that happens out of circumstance. of course this is all just my opinion.

As someone who has been too trusting in the past with information such as pin numbers and passwords, it will be a long time before I give those out to someone else ever again. and I would certainly never give it to someone who had the audacity to require it.