PTSD and Trauma recovery

[TenderKnight]

Andrew, Thank you very much for your post. I have actually experienced the zoning out thing lately. I know it doesn't just "go away".. but part of me wants it to just go away, lol.

Jen, I hope your head doesn't break the phone.. lol (kidding, gallows humer here.) I hope that you get some time out time soon.. I have no idea exactly what you are going through, but if possible, a break from it might help. Even if it's just a little you time in the tub or on a walk somewhere.. My thoughts are with you.

OK, now I want to share what happened last night right outside of my apartment. I'm walking home and I'm half a block away and I see a lot of movement like right in front of my door. I of course go hyper aware and can sense some upset with them.. I get to the door and it's a couple of the homeless guys that hang out at the coffee shop down stairs and some other guy. The other guy is holding his finger. My first thought, "oh shit, i don't need this" but.. being who i am, I ask what's wrong. After a lil evasivness, it turns out, the guy tried to touch/mess with/looked at wrong, one of the homeless men, who promtly slashes his finger open with the blade he always carries.

I go upstairs, get the alcohol, bandages, and some bandage tape and come back down to let the cut guy clean up. The whole time, JC (the guy that cut the other one) is kinda circling and taunting the guy. Long story a little shorter, I think the guy will need stitches and I think JC has a little more respect for me.. lol

All during this, I'm calm, collected.. But another part of me just wanted to shut down and run. I told the cut guy that last week, I helped a guy that almost bled to death, "you may need some stitches, but you aren't going to die. (lower voice) and don't mess with crazy homeless guys with knives," he laughed and calmed down a lot.. He ended up walking away.

I just have to wonder why my Higher Power is setting these things in front of me. I wasn't able to sleep last night until i knocked myself out with nyquil. I've been clean and sober for over a year now and I'm going to pick up my program a bit.. Cause this shit is driving me to want to check out in big ways Talking about it helps a lot, but it is taking a toll and i can tell.

Love and Light,
Tony

[Apocalipstic]

Tony, it sounds like your neighborhood is scary. I would be terrified. I bet you tense up every time you enter your street now?

I totally get what you are saying about remaining calm though. In a crisis, I am calm and organized, then after if when I freak out and can't sleep and so forth. I have done the Nyquil thing before.

I won't go into my whole situation, I don't want to trigger anyone, but I was abused as a child while living in a country which was at war with itself including a coup and martial law and my mother died under bad circumstances and we moved to the US the same week and the abuse escalated...there have been periods of abuse or trauma since then that tend to escalate my symptoms. Feb of last year my father (abuser) died and dealing with all his stuff, selling his house all that has stressed me to the max.

One of the things I have always feared is the phone ringing....well, our receptionist has been layed off at work because of the economy and I am now responsible for answering then phone, and after idiotic call after even more idiotic all, I have started hitting myself in the head with the phone...In know it is insane. My therapist knows and wished I would get laid off work. I can't quit because I have been here 12 years and my G/F lost her job recently and is home going to school full time and my insurance and so forth.

Sorry I am rambling, I kind of feel nauseated.

[TenderKnight]

(((((((((((((((Jen))))))))))))))))

Wow, that does sound stressful There is nothing I can say or do to make it "better", but just know that you are in my thoughts.

No, not really stressful to go out on the street (although, I have been making every excuse NOT to lately, except to go to work.. hmm ), and honestly, the neighborhood is pretty calm.. lol. It just seems like I am running into these events. Bah..

Again, sending you some positive energy.

Dragonfly, thank you for your welcome and ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) right back atcha Sending Light your way too, hon.

-Tony

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by TenderKnight

(((((((((((((((Jen))))))))))))))))

Wow, that does sound stressful There is nothing I can say or do to make it "better", but just know that you are in my thoughts.

No, not really stressful to go out on the street (although, I have been making every excuse NOT to lately, except to go to work.. hmm ), and honestly, the neighborhood is pretty calm.. lol. It just seems like I am running into these events. Bah..

Again, sending you some positive energy.

Dragonfly, thank you for your welcome and ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) right back atcha Sending Light your way too, hon.

-Tony

Thank you so much!

I hope we all calm down soon and get back to Peace and Harmony!

[TenderKnight]

Update to what happened last week. I have to appear as a witness next tuesday.. Gah.. STRESSED now.. lol

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by TenderKnight

Update to what happened last week. I have to appear as a witness next tuesday.. Gah.. STRESSED now.. lol

Ohh yuck. Soooo. Sorry!

We will be thinking about you.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Tony,

I am so very sorry about having to go to court. Crap. PTSD is a rollercoaster.

I was wondering if you can go talk to someone before going to court. I think it would do you a world of good. Plus it would be of help afterwards. Do you know of any places where you can inquire about this?


Jen,

I am hoping you find your inner peace and strength right now. I think we all need it sooner than later.

Everyone here is in my thoughts and prayers.

Andrew

[Jet]

Hi everyone,

Just checking in before the weekend.
My journey into exploring and facing severe trauma began
18 months ago with the situation gaining intensity
and remaining that way for the last 3 months.

I'm proud to say I'm alive; I made it through
what had to have been the most frightening,
most difficult part of remembering my ordeal.

There were continuous body flashbacks; many
times I had to hold on to something and remind
myself that what was happening wasn't real,
but a memory.

The intensity has eased up quite a bit and I'm
able to sleep. But there are residual affects such
feeling isolated and wanting to be that way;
remorse, disbelief that I went through this,
and terrible feelings of victimization for
having been blindsided.

I have a terrible time coping with the
fact that anything at all could have happened
so unforeseen and left field.

I could have been killed, and to think that I
had a brush with death is a lot to deal with.
At the same time, I think these are painful,
but normal responses.

The past few weeks have been heart stopping
to say the least and it took incessant prayer
and what faith I have to face unconscionable
fears and memories.

Mine was a case of severe shock and fear,
to the point that my heart chakra is so damaged
it feels as though a sword has gone right through
my sternum and out the back leaving and "empty
space" in that area.

But as I remembered and moved through
the shock, I felt a sort of "fusing" as though
my insides are fusing back together and that
"space" is beginning to close—normal feelings
in my chest are returning and the recovery
process has begun.

I can't speculate how long this will take.
Until then, I hope you're all doing well.

Jet

[friskyfemme]

Originally Posted by Jet

Hi everyone,

Just checking in before the weekend.
My journey into exploring and facing severe trauma began
18 months ago with the situation gaining intensity
and remaining that way for the last 3 months.

I'm proud to say I'm alive; I made it through
what had to have been the most frightening,
most difficult part of remembering my ordeal.

There were continuous body flashbacks; many
times I had to hold on to something and remind
myself that what was happening wasn't real,
but a memory.

The intensity has eased up quite a bit and I'm
able to sleep. But there are residual affects such
feeling isolated and wanting to be that way;
remorse, disbelief that I went through this,
and terrible feelings of victimization for
having been blindsided.

I have a terrible time coping with the
fact that anything at all could have happened
so unforeseen and left field.

I could have been killed, and to think that I
had a brush with death is a lot to deal with.
At the same time, I think these are painful,
but normal responses.

The past few weeks have been heart stopping
to say the least and it took incessant prayer
and what faith I have to face unconscionable
fears and memories.

Mine was a case of severe shock and fear,
to the point that my heart chakra is so damaged
it feels as though a sword has gone right through
my sternum and out the back leaving and "empty
space" in that area.

But as I remembered and moved through
the shock, I felt a sort of "fusing" as though
my insides are fusing back together and that
"space" is beginning to close—normal feelings
in my chest are returning and the recovery
process has begun.

I can't speculate how long this will take.
Until then, I hope you're all doing well.

Jet

My dear,

I know alot of your struggle. I pray with you and for you in your healing.

God Bless You.

[Rockinonahigh]

Jet u have many friends hear,me for one,I wish u well in your journey..remember u r never alone.

[DELSDAUGHTER]

Just stopping by with a big hello and (((HUG)))
for everyone...

My daughter has moved home from colorado..and i am happy to announce she told me yesterday that her anxiety has lessened and hasnt had any chest or throat syptoms since she has been home....

thank goodness......boy a difference a feww months makes sometimes....

wishing you all well......have a good sunday.....

[Princess4u]

Yesterday I spent some time with my older sister. She mentioned running into someone from our old neighbourhood like 32 years ago old. We are TN now and we grew up in MD, so she ran into this person here in TN at a clinic she goes to for her medical care. So she mentions this name to me and it so happens that this person is the aunt of one of the boys who molested me. My heart stopped beating at the sound of this name...but I thought to myself that was a different time and place. Then she tells me where she ran into this person...now keep in mind my sister has no knowledge of my past nor do I want her to. So it took all I had just to keep my cool and not flip out. But I am glad to report.....no anxiety today or lastnight and no bad dreams...in the past when this abuse episode was triggered by something I not only had to deal with the psychological aspect of remembering...but the physical, does that make sense to anyone. Like my body remembered what was done to it and I feel it all over again. Crazy huh? But I was glad that i didnt have to endure any of that again..at least this time...maybe its all gone...wouldnt that be nice! Hugs and love and blessings to you all. May you have a beautiful week and find great joy and peace in your lives.