Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 22




Inspection



My disease paid a discourtesy call on my bourgeoning sobriety. Peeked in to look for cracks in my foundation; weaknesses to exploit. I recognized the patch job I had toyed with would have made the easiest of targets for this eroding thug. I am ever so grateful that I cleaned off all the bricks and made new mortar. Built on bedrock my re-laid block will withstand the indignity of the pounding, prodding sickness which use to inhabit this once dilapidated space. I can keep the villain at bay and live my cozy life thanks to a true level and the handsome turn of my trough.





Personal knowledge is not the same as group knowledge

*

SPACE

I stand behind the podium
And talk about the event horizon
Which brought me into these rooms.

My audience, other unwitting astronauts,
Whose lives, like mine were deconstructed
By the Black Hole of addiction

Though the time and place may be different
The physics of compulsion and allergy
Are precise and repetitive

Nodding heads affirm my calculations
To be accurate with the vectors
And trajectories of their own experience

I conclude, with the gratitude of a reassembled life
And pray, with gravity
For my feet to stay on the ground.

[nanners]

LeftWriteFemme,

I want to thank you so much for sharing your words everyday. Sometimes it is exactly what I need to hear right in that moment. Kind of like when we all go to meetings and it hits just the right spot in us, and we are grateful that we were there and heard the message from the speaker.

I just want you to know I appreciate you, and the time you take here to post your words.

Gratefully,
Nan

[tomboystud]

May 22

Symptoms of a spiritual awakening



“The steps lead to an awakening of a spiritual nature. This awakening is evidenced by changes in our lives.”

Basic Text, p. 49

––––=––––

We know how to recognize the disease of addiction. Its symptoms are indisputable. Besides an uncontrollable appetite for drugs, those suffering exhibit self-centered, self-seeking behavior. When our addiction was at its peak of activity, we were obviously in a great deal of pain. We relentlessly judged ourselves and others, and spent most of our time worrying or trying to control outcomes.

Just as the disease of addiction is evidenced by definite symptoms, so is a spiritual awakening made manifest by certain obvious signs in a recovering addict. We may observe a tendency to think and act spontaneously, a loss of interest in judging or interpreting the actions of anyone else, an unmistakable ability to enjoy each moment, and frequent attacks of smiling.

If we see someone exhibiting symptoms of a spiritual awakening, we should be aware that such awakenings are contagious. Our best course of action is to get close to these people. As we begin having frequent, overwhelming episodes of gratitude, an increased receptiveness to the love extended by our fellow members, and an uncontrollable urge to return this love, we’ll realize that we, too, have had a spiritual awakening.

––––=––––

Just for today: My strongest desire is to have a spiritual awakening. I will watch for its symptoms and rejoice when I discover them.




Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[tomboystud]

I am so tired of people whining about what might happen to them, never taking no chances or doing anything new.
Dorothy Allison
Bastard out of Carolina

Standing still and complaining hasn't brought us where we are today. Still, it sometimes feels like part of our process. We all experience times of worry, fear that things won't change, and doubt that we have what it takes to make a difference. When these feelings arise, we don't have to maintain stuck in negativity. We can review our journey so far, remembering positive actions we've taken, help we've accepted, and unexpected joys we have been blessed with.
We've taken risks to explore and fulfill our unique natures as lesbian, gay, bisexual, or transgender people in the face of discouragement by society. We've helped one another to heal, celebrate, and create. We've evolved resources, both practical and spiritual, for facing epidemics of sickness and loss. We can continue our journey of faith, willingness, and action, buoyed by our expectation that our good will continue to bless our lives.

Today, I turn a worry or complaint around by taking positive action. I have faith in a good outcome.

[LeftWriteFemme]

May 23


The Delano’s


Indifference is the backbone of power. It is a state of faithlessness, not infidelity, but rank apathy, saving every ounce of ardor for the prize you seek. I thought I was the prize and I am; I’m just no longer yours. Cast aside for the leviathan and the miscreants I wonder what I could have done to hold your attention, the answer is nothing. Nothing could be done. Blinded by the ambition of heroism the struggle is the goal and no gem no matter its brilliance can check your drive toward a place in the epic narrative. Tis the hero’s lament to save every life except your own.




Bend with the tracks or don’t take the train

*


SEASONAL EXPECTATIONS

If I am out of sync with the way the world turns
I can be nothing but disappointed
I arrive with ice skates on the hottest summer day
And grieve the loss of spring

I shiver in my sandals and ponder
The need for a windshield scrapper, the autumn so long past
I must orchestrate my moods and movements
With the evolution and revolution about me

I will learn to sing with the doves in the morning
And the coyotes come the moon
I can spin with the stars
And grow with the grass

I don’t need to counter-balance life
If I learn to bend with the tides
It all comes around again;

[tomboystud]

May 23
Amends and sponsors
“We want to be free of our guilt, but we don’t wish to do so at the expense of anyone else.”
Basic Text, p. 40
––––=––––
Let’s face it: Most of us left trails of destruction in our wakes and harmed anyone who got in our way. Some of the people we hurt most in our addiction were the people we loved most. In an effort to purge ourselves of the guilt we feel for what we’ve done, we may be tempted to share with our loved ones, in gruesome detail, things that are better left unsaid. Such disclosures could do much harm and may do little good.
The Ninth Step is not about easing our guilty consciences; it’s about taking responsibility for the wrongs we’ve done. In working our Eighth and Ninth Steps, we should seek the guidance of our sponsor and amend our wrongs in a manner that won’t cause us to owe more amends. We are not just seeking freedom from remorse—we are seeking freedom from our defects. We never again want to inflict harm on our loved ones. One way to insure that we do not is by working the Ninth Step responsibly, checking our motives, and discussing with our sponsor the particular amends we plan to make before we make them.
––––=––––
Just for today: I wish to accept responsibility for my actions. Before making any amends, I will talk with my sponsor.

Copyright © 1991-2013 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services, Inc. All Rights Reserved

[tomboystud]

Only human beings find their way bay a light that illuminates more than the patch of ground they stand on.
Peter and Jean Medawar

What is it that fills some of us with faith, while others are full of fear and anxiety? Not only in our communities, but within ourselves, trust in a Higher Power sometimes battles with doubt that our lives have meaning and hope.
Faith is not a substance of which there's only a limited supply, available to some but not others. We can create and nourish faith by taking actions. One of the most powerful is simply to put ourselves in an atmosphere of faith: a Twelve Step meeting, spiritual retreat, healing circle, or religious service. The effects on us of meditation, prayer, or ritual are amplified when we practice them together. Hearing others speak from their faith kindles and supports our own. Alone, we can cultivate the habit of prayer or of reading spiritual literature as if we were exploring a new relationship, suspending judgement, seeing what comes to us from listening and reaching out to Spirit.

Today, whatever my doubts or fears, I act as if I have faith. I stay open to the unfolding of a relationship with my own spirit.