Too screwed up to be Loved?

girl_dee · 06-18-2013, 07:55 PM

i don't think i am too screwed up to be loved but i do think i am too screwed up to be understood.

There is only one who has even come close to doing so.

little_ms_sunshyne · 06-18-2013, 08:49 PM

I think I am hard to love...

But I would also like to think that there is someone out there for everyone.

Bard · 06-18-2013, 09:02 PM

i thought that i was to screwed up and i lost faith and belief in love then i met desd and her love changed me healed me now i know i deserve love and i have a amazing life

MsTinkerbelly · 06-18-2013, 09:12 PM

I too am hard to love...after nearly 11 years, when we are out and I look up and my wife is not in sight, for a second I am filled with the certainty that she left me. Because of her love it is only a second now instead of breaking into a cold panicked sweat, but I know she can see it, and I know it hurts her.

I am a helper, and a pleaser, and I lose myself in what everyone else needs...but with therapy I am finding me and learning that the reason she stays and puts up with my shit, is because she loves me, even when I'm not all that loveable.

All of my life I pushed people away because I'm sure they will leave, but I'm finally done with that, and I'm in this for keeps.

No one is unloveable, and no one is too much of a mess....it just takes the right two people that will work through the hard stuff, and rejoice in the good.

EnderD_503 · 06-23-2013, 05:45 PM

While technically I don't think anyone is "too screwed up to be loved," I think that it's important to stay in touch with yourself.

I had a lot of baggage by my early 20s from a lot of different experiences, from childhood physical/emotional abuse, being bullied the majority of my school years, blaming myself for what happened to those close to me, having sex/gender issues that I couldn't identify until my early 20s, drug abuse, alcoholism and a whole ton of guilt and hate. It was in my early 20s when I started working out my sex/gender stuff and that's when I really started to work through all the other shit in my life. At that point I really did feel too screwed up for relationships, and every relationship I was in I ended up fucking up because I hadn't yet figured myself out. I was still working through a lot of things, I hadn't learned to see myself in a positive light, was insecure as hell, didn't like myself let alone love myself, how to be open and accepting, communicative and open to communication. After I eventually realised that I pretty much banned myself from committed/serious relationships. Sex/short-term, yes, but long-term/serious relationships? No way. I just couldn't deal with that along with snowballing dysphoria. I needed time to work through myself, understand myself, get to know my triggers, get to know what made me comfortable/uncomfortable, get to know how to communicate, how to even respect someone else truly (something I think many people really don't learn, tbh).

But now I'm in a really awesome relationship with someone I love in ways I couldn't have even imagined possible. I'm nowhere near being perfect and I still have my baggage, and recent crappy events in my life haven't exactly lessened that baggage, but the difference is now I'm more self-aware and open to others.

And the point of me saying all this is that, yeah, sometimes we might just be "too screwed up" to be in a relationship. It doesn't mean we'll never be ready, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with us. It just means that sometimes life hits you with a sack of shit and the stink takes some time to get out of your head. A relationship should be about respect and communication, and if you think that you can't respect the person you love in the way that they deserve because you still have some unresolved things to work through, then maybe it's best to hold off until you have a bit more of a handle on things. It doesn't mean your life or your mental health has to be "perfect," that you have to have gotten rid of all your demons...it just means having that understanding. Knowing when you need space, knowing how to deal with it when someone else needs space, knowing how to communicate and respect each other. I think all of us deserve that.

06-18-2013, 09:02 PM	#3
Bard Family Man How Do You Identify?: TG Male Preferred Pronoun?: Masculine ones Relationship Status: She just gets me Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ..... Posts: 2,828 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,997 Thanked 12,786 Times in 2,431 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	i thought that i was to screwed up and i lost faith and belief in love then i met desd and her love changed me healed me now i know i deserve love and i have a amazing life __________________ This is ten percent luck, twenty percent skill Fifteen percent concentrated power of will Five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain And a hundred percent reason to remember the name! Give yourself over to absolute pleasure. Swim the warm waters of sins of the flesh - erotic nightmares beyond any measure, and sensual daydreams to treasure forever. Can't you just see it? Don't dream it, be it.

06-18-2013, 07:55 PM	#1
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,828 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	i don't think i am too screwed up to be loved but i do think i am too screwed up to be understood. There is only one who has even come close to doing so.

06-18-2013, 08:49 PM	#2
little_ms_sunshyne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: . Posts: 3,312 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,339 Thanked 12,241 Times in 2,541 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I think I am hard to love... But I would also like to think that there is someone out there for everyone.

06-18-2013, 09:12 PM	#4
MsTinkerbelly Timed Out - TOS Drama How Do You Identify?: ... Preferred Pronoun?: ... Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: ... Posts: 6,573 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,737 Thanked 22,896 Times in 5,017 Posts Rep Power: 0	I too am hard to love...after nearly 11 years, when we are out and I look up and my wife is not in sight, for a second I am filled with the certainty that she left me. Because of her love it is only a second now instead of breaking into a cold panicked sweat, but I know she can see it, and I know it hurts her. I am a helper, and a pleaser, and I lose myself in what everyone else needs...but with therapy I am finding me and learning that the reason she stays and puts up with my shit, is because she loves me, even when I'm not all that loveable. All of my life I pushed people away because I'm sure they will leave, but I'm finally done with that, and I'm in this for keeps. No one is unloveable, and no one is too much of a mess....it just takes the right two people that will work through the hard stuff, and rejoice in the good.

06-23-2013, 05:45 PM	#5
EnderD_503 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer, trans guy, butch Preferred Pronoun?: Male pronouns Relationship Status: Relationship Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 1,329 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,090 Thanked 3,879 Times in 1,023 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	While technically I don't think anyone is "too screwed up to be loved," I think that it's important to stay in touch with yourself. I had a lot of baggage by my early 20s from a lot of different experiences, from childhood physical/emotional abuse, being bullied the majority of my school years, blaming myself for what happened to those close to me, having sex/gender issues that I couldn't identify until my early 20s, drug abuse, alcoholism and a whole ton of guilt and hate. It was in my early 20s when I started working out my sex/gender stuff and that's when I really started to work through all the other shit in my life. At that point I really did feel too screwed up for relationships, and every relationship I was in I ended up fucking up because I hadn't yet figured myself out. I was still working through a lot of things, I hadn't learned to see myself in a positive light, was insecure as hell, didn't like myself let alone love myself, how to be open and accepting, communicative and open to communication. After I eventually realised that I pretty much banned myself from committed/serious relationships. Sex/short-term, yes, but long-term/serious relationships? No way. I just couldn't deal with that along with snowballing dysphoria. I needed time to work through myself, understand myself, get to know my triggers, get to know what made me comfortable/uncomfortable, get to know how to communicate, how to even respect someone else truly (something I think many people really don't learn, tbh). But now I'm in a really awesome relationship with someone I love in ways I couldn't have even imagined possible. I'm nowhere near being perfect and I still have my baggage, and recent crappy events in my life haven't exactly lessened that baggage, but the difference is now I'm more self-aware and open to others. And the point of me saying all this is that, yeah, sometimes we might just be "too screwed up" to be in a relationship. It doesn't mean we'll never be ready, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with us. It just means that sometimes life hits you with a sack of shit and the stink takes some time to get out of your head. A relationship should be about respect and communication, and if you think that you can't respect the person you love in the way that they deserve because you still have some unresolved things to work through, then maybe it's best to hold off until you have a bit more of a handle on things. It doesn't mean your life or your mental health has to be "perfect," that you have to have gotten rid of all your demons...it just means having that understanding. Knowing when you need space, knowing how to deal with it when someone else needs space, knowing how to communicate and respect each other. I think all of us deserve that.