Able-Bodied Privilege

[AtLast]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

The invisible disabilities are the ones that society, and the general public tend to ignore. If you can't see it, then it isn't there kind of attitude. Growing up in the 60's it was the same. If you can't see it, it is not there. Kids were just passed along to get them out of their classroom. That is what happened to me. It didn't matter if I understood the work or not. It didn't matter if I did the homework or not. Nothing mattered. I didn't matter. I was taking up space. That is how I see it. And that is how it felt to me to grow up with learning disabilities, and neurological disorders. I was given a label, and judged. Nobody took the time to find out what the problem was. Not a soul. What is inside my mind rarely comes to light. Now, I have to say the computer is a gift. It is my only link to most people. That is why when my father felt safe abusing me, he thought that his evil deeds would be sealed forever. No. I exposed him for what he was. The damage is done, and the trauma is overwith. Life goes on.

Andrew, thank you. Invisible disabilities are so misunderstood and marginalized. Your description of how the school system failed you is the story of so many people that go on for years not knowing what the hell is wrong. And getting any help. Anything neurological and in the learning disabilities areas remains cruelly neglected.

What you bring up about people not recognizing how someone could be differently-abled just because there is no outward physical indication happens continually and causes a lot of pain.

When I saw the thread here about neuro-diversity, I was so jazzed because I saw people empowering themselves by saying we are here, and if you want to understand us.... here it is...

[AtLast]

If anyone has any insights into dating and dealing with having a disability.. please post!

I re-entered dating not only as an older butch, but with my arthritis now resulting in different limitations concerning chronic pain. I am finding this too really be a factor in my selection of who I ask out. The major shift is about once being a very physically active woman and enjoying sharing this with a partner/person I am seeing and now just not being able to. And my disabilities are not always visible. Its like I present as this athletic-bodied person and know I have to be honest about how and what I really can do. Often, the person I am wanting to date (or am dating) can't deal with this discrepancy... or, just can't belive it.

It can be very telling when I initially meet someone in a fairly pain-free state without a lot of stiffness or the fevers, fatigue, puffiness, flu-like symptoms of RA and when the osterarthritis is being nice to me- then see them while not moving so well! It is obvious that the possible attraction lights are in fade mode.

I know there is still some self-denial going on, yet listening to my pain/body is essential for my well-being. But, I find myself struggling with this along with all the other dating stuff that comes up. JeepSakes, as if it isn't difficult as it is!

[Andrew, Jr.]

AtLastHome,

Be honest, and open with your date. Tell her that you are stiff, and hurting, and not up for a game of tennis or golf. How about going to a movie instead? Communication is key. Be positive. Take your meds. Maintain a healthy diet. Stress and worries add years onto your life and how you feel. Don't make mountains out of ant hills. You know what I mean?

I just struggle with oral communication. Words tangle me up. Sometimes it is best to just hold hands and snuggle or to go out on a picnic overlooking water or a stream.

I wish you luck!