Prenuptial Agreements. Anyone have one? Anyone who would consider one if they married?

[thedivahrrrself]

I think the issue of trust is a straw man here. EVERYONE trusts the person they marry when they marry them, but life can throw serious curve balls that fuck up even the best of relationships. A perfectly wonderful person can become an addict, for instance, and destroy the relationship 15 years down the line.

No one wants to think about divorce before marriage, but Anya is right. It happens about half the time. Not all of that is because people married an asshole. Most of the time it's two normal people who were (or maybe still are) very much in love, but they can't make it work for whatever reason. None of us can see the future.

As for me, I won't be pondering marriage any time in the near future, so I don't know exactly what I would do, but I do think it's prudent for both parties to at least consider a pre-nup, particularly if anyone comes into the relationship with a child.

[always2late]

I have no plans on getting married again. But, for those who are considering marriage, a pre-nup is not unreasonable. As other posters have stated, no one enters into a marriage thinking it will end in divorce, but it does happen.

My ex an I had a domestic partnership, entered into with the best of intentions. I would never have believed that the person I started our partnership with was the same person that appeared at the end. At the time of our split, I couldn't afford a divorce (it still rankles me that in NJ I wasn't afforded all the benefits of marriage...but had to pay the full cost of divorce). Anyway, I wasn't able to afford the divorce until a few years after our actual split. By that time, my ex had begun using drugs and was not the same person I'd known. Luckily, I had no assets or any money to speak of...because I know that in the state she was in, she would have tried to get whatever she could to support her habit.

We all want to believe a marriage will last forever, and that we can trust our partner completely...but things can, and do, happen. Life holds no guarantees.

[QueenofSmirks]

A lot of issues being raised here can be addressed through other means - wills, beneficiary designations, trusts, etc.

[Ciaran]

I would not get married without some form of pre-nuptial agreement. This would be a pre-requisite for marriage and I'd want this regardless of whether my prospective spouse was (much) wealthier than I am.


For me, it's not about adding up the $$$ and seeing who is bringing more assets into the marriage. Rather, it's about ensuring assets are ring-fenced which preserves a sufficient level of independence so that I have the choice to exit the marriage at any stage, should I wish to do so.


I feel the same way about joint bank accounts i.e. I would be happy to have a joint bank account for general household bills etc. However, the feeling of actually having joint bank accounts where both partners credit their wages too and manage finances on a totally joint basis would fill me with absolute horror.


Some may possibly say that, with my attitude, I should never consider marriage. They would be welcome to their views. However, there's no one size fits all version of a perfect long-term relationship.

[Gráinne]

I too would be concerned about maintaining my financial independence in any future marriage, especially as those finances will be paying for college (well, part of it anyway) and retirement. Plus, I also have an inheritance coming and want that separate from joint funds. I've made the mistake of getting my finances too enmeshed with someone else's, and it's expensive and ugly to untangle.

For me, anyway, it wouldn't be about difference in wealth but difference in responsibility.

I have seen too many good marriages fall apart seemingly overnight, and former lovers go absolutely crazy over dividing money and things. I was fortunately spared all that, but never again will I consider marriage without some kind of agreement.