Public Displays of Affection (PDA)

[Pixie]

I feel that I am a very affectionate person, and I love to express it. However for me I struggle with PDA past a certain line. I don't like attention, and I do not like to induce awkwardness or rudeness. I enjoy holding hands and a peck here or there. But I do not think that we need to be up on each other, in each other's faces, or excessively kissing. I feel that some of those forms of expression are territorial and show offy (may not be a real word), and I don't go for it.....

I think we all have different love languages and interpretations of those expressions....

just my .02

pixie

[DapperButch]

I don't define holding hands or giving a quick kiss PDA. PDA to me is making out or something that a teenager might do.

It is not unusual for me to hold my partner's hand when I am walking through a parking lot, walking down main street looking at shops, etc. I give her a quick kiss hello when I am meeting her somewhere (restaurant, body shop, anywhere public you may need to meet your partner).

I don't even notice if it makes people uncomfortable. I don't look. I don't care. 20 years ago when I was going to get my ass kicked for walking down the street holding my girlfriend's hand I didn't do it. Now? Unless I am in a place where I need to be concerned, I don't really give a shit.

I think that after years of being a queer you can quickly size up a situation to know if holding hands/quick kiss is safe. I don't think I even think about it anymore, just shift to not touching if needed. But, that is very rare nowadays. Unless I have to worry about our safety, OR I think that holding hands will create an extended uncomfortable social situation for me or TF, I don't give a shit.

I would suggest that for people who are weird about touching in safe areas, that they are struggling with some internalized homophobia, or are emotionally carrying with them some past trauma (being hurt) that they can't shake. No judgement on that, just a thought.

Side note: For reference, I would guestimate that 75%-85% of the people in our area feel some discomfort when they see us holding hands (unless I am passing). It is very unusual to see a gay couple holding hands in our area (I don't think I have ever seen it except for on the local college campus).

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

I would suggest that for people who are weird about touching in safe areas, that they are struggling with some internalized homophobia, or are emotionally carrying with them some past trauma (being hurt) that they can't shake. No judgement on that, just a thought.

Nah. Oh I have plenty of past trauma but none related to hand holding. I just don't like it as much as other folks do.

Just because someone doesn't like something that you (general) do, doesn't make that person wounded or phobic in some degree. Some folks are just more touchy feely and some like to receive their touch differently than others.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Nah. Oh I have plenty of past trauma but none related to hand holding. I just don't like it as much as other folks do.

Just because someone doesn't like something that you (general) do, doesn't make that person wounded or phobic in some degree. Some folks are just more touchy feely and some like to receive their touch differently than others.

Gemme, you misunderstood.

To clarify: I was saying that a possible reason that a person who is typically affectionate in ALL OTHER environments but in SAFE Non-Gay places do NOT touch their partner, perhpas one or two things are going on:
1) They have been gay bashed -verbally or other (this is what i meant by trauma), s0 they area bit gun shy.
2) They are ashamed and/or embarrassed by their sexually (this is whar i meant by internalized homophobia)

I read the coversation to be about people being different in their displays of affection when they are in situations where they could be judged for their sexuality.

Does this make more sense?

[Ciaran]

I live in West Hampstead, a part of London with a large gay presence and it's very common to see gay couples, primarily women, hold hands here.


Personally, I strongly dislike holding hands. It's not to do with potentially attracting attention or homophobic abuse (because of the way I present, that possibility is always there even if, in reality, it doesn't happen that often). In fact, I'm very happy with other personal displays of affection i.e. more than happy to hug in public and, where appropriate, kiss etc and, more generally, to share personal space in public.


However, for whatever reason, hand holding has always been a big no-no for me. I remember a partner a decade or so ago who involuntarily took my hand when we were walking. I got very uncomfortable and, after a minute or so of suffering (which seemed much longer), I had to release my hand and tell her so.


I'm not sure I've held hands in public since and don't intend to again. Not to do with fear over homophobia - just my personal taste.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Gemme, you misunderstood.

To clarify: I was saying that a possible reason that a person who is typically affectionate in ALL OTHER environments but in SAFE Non-Gay places do NOT touch their partner, perhpas one or two things are going on:
1) They have been gay bashed -verbally or other (this is what i meant by trauma), s0 they area bit gun shy.
2) They are ashamed and/or embarrassed by their sexually (this is whar i meant by internalized homophobia)

I read the coversation to be about people being different in their displays of affection when they are in situations where they could be judged for their sexuality.

Does this make more sense?

It makes more sense. I still think there are more than two explanations for that particular response, even if it's out of character for them in other places.

But I do see what you are saying now.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Gemme

It makes more sense. I still think there are more than two explanations for that particular response, even if it's out of character for them in other places.

But I do see what you are saying now.

Yes, of course there could be a number of different explanations. I think I was just rambling along in my thoughts when I wrote that post.

[Happyfemme]

I like holding hands and a quick kiss in public.