Corny jokes

Mopsie · 08-06-2013, 10:30 AM

Why do so few melons get married?

Because they cantaloupe!

Janstevie · 08-06-2013, 11:30 AM

I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!

Wrang1er · 08-06-2013, 11:34 AM

What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button?

The middle of the KNIGHT.

Wrang1er · 08-06-2013, 11:35 AM

Why was the tomato blushing?

It saw the salad dressing.

Janstevie · 08-06-2013, 12:40 PM

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.

Gráinne · 08-06-2013, 02:05 PM

When is a door not a door?

When it's ajar.

And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...)

#1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain.

One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!"

"No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla".

The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas.

A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla".

A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!"

#2

A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week".

When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"."

So the baker says "Come back in another week".

When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man.

"Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker.

"Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man.

Heavenleahangel · 08-06-2013, 04:19 PM

What is brown, has 8 legs and carries a suitcase? A spider going on vacation!!!

VintageFemme · 08-10-2013, 06:52 AM

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Apple
Apple who?
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say apple again?

08-06-2013, 02:05 PM	#6
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,866 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,119 Thanked 7,391 Times in 1,459 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	When is a door not a door? When it's ajar. And I love shaggy dog stories (pointless jokes that go on and on...) #1: Two big turtles and one little turtle decide to go to a soda fountain and have sarsaparillas (like root beer). While they are waiting for their drinks, it begins to rain. One big turtle turns to the other and says, "Let's send Little Turtle back for our umbrellas!" "No", said the little turtle. "If I leave, you will drink my sarsaparilla". The two big turtles promise not to drink his sarsaparilla, and so the little turtle started out for the umbrellas. A week goes by, and one big turtle says to the other, "Come on, let's drink his sarsaparilla". A little voice from the back of the shop yells, "You do, and I won't go for the umbrellas!" #2 A man goes to a bakery and ordered a cake in the shape of the letter "S". The baker says " Come back in a week". When the man comes back, he looks at the cake and says, "This is all wrong. You made a print "S". I wanted a script "S"." So the baker says "Come back in another week". When the man comes back, the baker shows him a cake in the shape of a script "S". "It's perfect!", says the man. "Would you like me to box it up for you?", says the baker. "Oh that's all right. If you have a knife and fork, I'll eat it right here!", says the man. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

08-06-2013, 04:19 PM	#7
Heavenleahangel Member How Do You Identify?: OFOS Femme; Earth bound Angel and Babygirl; Preferred Pronoun?: She, Angel, as long as it's respectful Relationship Status: Waiting for the One who can complete me Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: Albany, NY~but originally from Georgia Posts: 562 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,257 Thanked 2,068 Times in 468 Posts Rep Power: 18675554	What is brown, has 8 legs and carries a suitcase? A spider going on vacation!!! __________________ Sweet Georgia Peach

08-10-2013, 06:52 AM	#8
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Apple Apple who? Knock Knock Who's there? Orange Orange who? Orange you glad I didn't say apple again? __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity

08-06-2013, 10:30 AM	#1
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,549 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	One of the other case managers just told me this one ... Why do so few melons get married? Because they cantaloupe!

08-06-2013, 11:30 AM	#2
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I’ve got a wife who never misses me. Her aim is perfect!

08-06-2013, 11:34 AM	#3
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	What time is it when Sir Lancelot sees his belly button? The middle of the KNIGHT.

08-06-2013, 11:35 AM	#4
Wrang1er Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Me, myself and I Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Here Posts: 1,526 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,112 Thanked 7,043 Times in 1,354 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Why was the tomato blushing? It saw the salad dressing.

08-06-2013, 12:40 PM	#5
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli. A strong currant pulled him in.