Corny jokes

Janstevie · 08-15-2013, 05:45 AM

I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, but it begins with P something T something R..

ahk · 08-15-2013, 10:14 AM

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens?

they kept saying "bach, bach, bach"!

Mopsie · 08-17-2013, 01:26 PM

I worked at my part time job last night and saw my client who loves corny jokes. I read her jokes from this thread - most of the ones on page 1 and some from page 2 because we were on a roll... we were both laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes!

Here's the one she told me that started out our fun fest...

Q: Why did the prisoner take a shower?

A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!

ahk · 08-19-2013, 04:57 PM

What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.

Janstevie · 08-21-2013, 08:59 AM

I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.

ahk · 08-22-2013, 04:05 PM

A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

Mopsie · 08-24-2013, 06:53 AM

I worked at my part time job again last night. My favorite resident and I read pages three and four of this thread. We had quite the giggle fest!

Thanks gang for all the funny contributions!

Here's the one the resident told me last night:

Q: Is chicken soup good for your health?

A: Not if you are the chicken!

Janstevie · 08-26-2013, 08:55 AM

"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

ahk · 08-30-2013, 09:04 AM

Q: What is red and smells like blue paint?
A: Red paint.

Janstevie · 08-31-2013, 07:15 AM

I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'. I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

ahk · 09-04-2013, 03:54 PM

What do you call a cow that just had a baby?
Decalfinated.

Hollylane · 08-17-2013, 01:56 PM

'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.

Hollylane · 08-17-2013, 02:11 PM

An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?'
Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'

Janstevie · 08-19-2013, 06:18 AM

I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

puddin' · 08-19-2013, 02:23 PM

what do you call a fake noodle?

an impasta!

08-15-2013, 05:45 AM	#1
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, but it begins with P something T something R..

08-15-2013, 10:14 AM	#2
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? they kept saying "bach, bach, bach"!

08-17-2013, 01:26 PM	#3
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,547 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I worked at my part time job last night and saw my client who loves corny jokes. I read her jokes from this thread - most of the ones on page 1 and some from page 2 because we were on a roll... we were both laughing so hard we had tears in our eyes! Here's the one she told me that started out our fun fest... Q: Why did the prisoner take a shower? A: Because he wanted to make a clean getaway!

08-19-2013, 04:57 PM	#4
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	What kind of rooms have no walls? Mushrooms.

08-21-2013, 08:59 AM	#5
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, 'How flexible are you?' I said, 'I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays.

08-22-2013, 04:05 PM	#6
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	A dyslexic man walks into a bra...

08-24-2013, 06:53 AM	#7
Mopsie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Female ones Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Mar 2013 Location: Shenandoah Valley Virginia Posts: 4,769 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 36,246 Thanked 8,547 Times in 1,856 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I worked at my part time job again last night. My favorite resident and I read pages three and four of this thread. We had quite the giggle fest! Thanks gang for all the funny contributions! Here's the one the resident told me last night: Q: Is chicken soup good for your health? A: Not if you are the chicken!

08-26-2013, 08:55 AM	#8
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	"So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it.'"

08-30-2013, 09:04 AM	#9
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Q: What is red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint.

08-31-2013, 07:15 AM	#10
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said 'Eurostar'. I said 'Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin.

09-04-2013, 03:54 PM	#11
ahk Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: NM Posts: 5,317 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,688 Thanked 8,538 Times in 2,630 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	What do you call a cow that just had a baby? Decalfinated.

08-17-2013, 01:56 PM	#12
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	'What's wrong with Murphy?' asked Father Green. 'I don't know, Father. Yesterday he swallowed a spoon and he hasn't stirred since,' said Mrs Murphy.

08-17-2013, 02:11 PM	#13
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,362 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	An Irish lass, a customer: 'Could I be trying on that dress in the window?' Shopkeeper: 'I'd prefer that you use the dressing room.'

08-19-2013, 06:18 AM	#14
Janstevie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Soft Butch Relationship Status: single Join Date: May 2010 Location: England Posts: 1,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 112 Thanked 1,331 Times in 411 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I went to the local video shop and I said, 'Can I borrow Batman Forever?' He said, 'No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow'

08-19-2013, 02:23 PM	#15
puddin' Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: a genderqueer nuisance Preferred Pronoun?: bitchboi Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: new zealand Posts: 7,120 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,467 Thanked 7,962 Times in 2,340 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	what do you call a fake noodle? an impasta!